The Work Hearse

Ok good people. Let’s get it. Let me tell y’all something about Rum Punch. I hate work. Now this doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t work – there was a time when my family nicknamed me 'Jamaican woman' cause I was working three jobs at a time. I used to go to one job. Take a nap at home, in the car, wherever. Go to my other job. Work the late night. And then be up at 6 in the am to do it all again. So I will work to pay for the lifestyle to which I have made myself accustomed– trips to fun places. Being able to purchase cute purses. Shoes. house. Working just enough so I can get just what I want, but don’t really need no extra. And by extra I mean that extra that comes along with the business of work.

See I just want to come in, do my lil’ job, eat my cheese sandwich © Bernie Mac, get my hours of sick and vacay which I will use accordingly thank ya very much, collect my bi-weekly check and be out. I don’t wanna hear bout yo’ kids. I don’t hafta to go to lunch with you. I don’t wanna work my way up and climb some metaphorical ladder. I didn’t come here to make friends – I have those in my real life. I don’t wanna go to no stinkin happy hours. Or schmooze with the bosses. I don’t want to exchange business cards so we can connect. Network. And build. And talk about work some more. I don’t wanna gossip bout other co-workers. Heh. No, I take that one back. But what I don’t wanna do is be pulled into co-worker’s mess and drama with other co-workers. I don’t need no extra.

And yet God stays having a sense of humor cause right now I’m going through it at work. With a co-worker who isn’t hardly pulling her weight. Who falls asleep on the job. Who has a laissez faire – which is apparently French for I don’t gives two fux – attitude. The managers are afraid of her. HR ain’t touching her. She is persona nom grata around the office and her lack of work is affecting my work. You see because we are a “team.” And we have individual goals, but an overall team goal and she ain’t doing her part. And I’m tired of her being so extra. Extra lazy. Extra tired all the time. Always ready to go home at 10 in the am – heffa you just got here! And I’m bout ready to whup some ass.

Not just cause she ain’t pulling her weight, but because our program targets and serves girls in underprivileged neighborhoods in DC. That’s why I took this job. And I’m committed to doing a great job and making sure they receive a great service.

But y'all know I hate work, right? Riiight. And yet at the same time I curse my mama and daddy for raising me to have a work ethic and to hate mediocrity even more! And this heffa ain’t even mediocre – she’s subpar! And while it grinds my gears that she gets paid for such – it annoys me even more that there are hundreds of little Black and Brown girls missing out on a much needed program cause she don’t feel like doing it.

And no one’s making her. And she’s ok with that. I mean I guess she’s made it this far in life - putting in little or not effort. Why stop now? But this behavior just baffles me. Do you really need a manager on your ass to encourage force you to do your work? I mean daggone it they gave us a goal to make for the year and I’m determined to make it. Maybe it’s the Leo in me. Maybe it’s the instilled values. Maybe it’s because the man has me brainwashed to want to eat dangling carrots. Maybe I’m becoming one of those people who actually likes their job and wants to be good at it. Sigh.

But watching her not work makes my teeth ache. And my skin crawl. And my blood boil. Makes me wanna holla, throw up both my hands and then use both hands to slap the mess outta her and say, “Get your old ass offa facebook and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK! And stop playin the scary big Black woman, got these lil white women shook, role and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK!” It makes me wanna do better. And sometimes it makes me wanna quit. But more than anything it makes me wanna get on my grind, and follow my real dreams, cause it reinforces what I’ve always known – this working thing is for the birds. And the horses.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

before i jump out the window, what's your name?

ladies, you ever meet a guy and the next thought that crosses your mind is what ya'll's babies will look like?  no.  ok guess that's just me.  i have this thing where my relationship speedometer goes from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. lit-trally!  i think about what kinda father he would make, how good (or horribly sweaty) he'd be in bed, what he'll look like when he turns 72, all within a very short time of meeting the man.  and as in the case of kirk, youngin and a whole bunch of other nigs, they usually don't last till they next birthday, let alone 72. 

then i have to systematically throw out all the day dreams and fantasies useless information i had in my head about the possibilities.  i feel a wee bit of shame about this.  cause i know it's not right.  but it's okay.  i'm gonna make it anyway.

but, good people of the 5spot, how do i stop doing it?

i tried telling myself to have no expectations.  i'm unimpressed.  underwhelmed.   i'm just shaking your hand mr. man and saying hi.  that didn't work.  at all.

see i am an optimist.  i see the glass as full and overflowing with the goodness of life in abundance.  when i apply for a job, i don't worry about whether i will get an interview, i contemplate whether i will accept or reject an offer. and so it is with the men i meet. but it's not like step 3 is getting on one knee and propose.  it's all in my mind.  so it's all good.  right? 

and hey some very famous guys seem to suffer from the same affliction.  exhibit A:  ted mosby.  dude says i love you on the first date and thinks that every girl just might be the one.  ok, ok, he's fictional but all characters are based in truth.  what about jay-z?  he wrote a whole song about it.  artists always speak the truth.  it's the reeeallllll hip-hop!

or is it?  what say ya'll?

reality check

With just a year to dig in to his presidency, what have we learned about President Obama. So far, and perhaps for the remainder of his presidency - he is a big picture guy. And he definiteley calls all the shots. and some of us don't like it - CBC, GOP, name another group. some of us wish that he sweats the small stuff, or not so small stuff according to the CBC. all i will say to the CBC is outsmart him. stop nagging, and deploy a strategy... pull your braintrust together and outsmart him. but you get no pity from Bellini. And neither do you Mr. President. Bipartisanship will not save the day, hence healthcare reform would not have taken this long. So, if you can get it cool, but if not we expect you to get the job done. You're good for going solo, but Bellini would prefer you light the fire under the a$$es of your Cabinet too. I need to see them flex on issues ala Nancy Pelosi. You will be forever indebted to Madame Speaker for cultivating the votes.

GOP, you're bettin' on your disenchanted group bringin' home the bacon in November. But November is a long way from here and you're forgetting about a contingent you need to bring the votes - INDEPENDENTS comme moi. And you're consistent track record of abstaining from votes and lack of engagement on issues is not governance... so that's just something to think about McConnell and Boehner... as you pursue your strategy.

and Netanyahu and company, you really chose an intersting time to flex. be careful 'cuz I wouldn't want to be on the bad side of Secretary Clinton or Mr. President. They will outsmart your a$$ and I don't think you want the wrath of Hillary. the Brits already fired a top level diplomat for fcuking with your shenanigans. hmmm... it will be interesting to see where the Middle East goes from here.

and who would have thought of the day, where the dollar may began to make headway against the Euro. Thank you Greece and Portual too!!! Just the thought of you renegging on your financial obligations, has Europe in a tizzy. Don't take it personal Greece, but Germnay don't like you. The US isn't putting on its dancing shoes either, 'cuz we thought the weak value of the dollar would augment our export sector... but if the dollar and the Euro become neck and neck, we can nix that idea...

well let's see what spring has in store for us...

cheers,

Bellini

Equal Opportunity Offender

It has been a slow news day today. Sure the media world is all atwitter about the historic healthcare bill. I really don’t have too much to add except to say Yay! Especially for the kids and for my current family members who are uninsured and are navigating the joys that are free health clinics. Now if they can just hang on for a few more years until it’s implemented.

And it’s been the usual at work. Meetings after meetings. Monday morning blues. Wishes to be anywhere but here in the office. Oh, did I tell ya’ll about the joke my older white male co-worker told me? Some background, I call said coworker about an upcoming meeting on budget. I basically voiced my opinion that our manager was pretty much clueless in the ways of budget things and while we were in our meeting I was pretty much going to be doodling on my paper while my boss spoke. Well my action plan turned into the perfect segue for him to say that he would be thinking of jokes like the following:

Vladimere Putin, Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush are all in hell. There is a red telephone. The devil informs them that they can use the phone to make one call. Putin call Russia, speaks for 10 minutes, once his call is over the devil says that call will cost him 1 million dollars. So Putin strokes out a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England, speaks for 30 minutes, once her call is over the devil say that call will cost her 4 million dollars. So Queen Elizabeth strokes out a check. Then George gets on the phone, calls America, speaks for 4 hours, hangs up and has a seat. Putin asks the devil why doesn’t George have to pay? Then the devil says Well since Obama has become president the United States has gone to hell, so that was a local call.

*Ba dump ching*

Are ya’ll laughing yet?

I chuckled to be polite, hung up and then sat in my cube for like 5 minutes trying to assess what just happened. I know I say this often, but for real no schoolin’ can prepare a person for this world of working! And I work for the equal employment opportunity good ole government! This ain’t even corporate America where anything goes.

Be it your Black, White, Asian, Latino, mix breed boss or coworker…you just never know what can happen in a work week! And surely my childhood stints as 1 of 4 Black people in a class never prepared me for this type of sh*t. I state this because I often fancy myself a white folks expert, but yet I can still be surprised by the things they say… I mean this joke was soooooooooo not appropriate for work. But beyond that, older white man and I are not even cool like that. Not saying that I am one of those ride or die Obama for life Black people Rum spoke about on Friday, but older white man didn’t know that!

It just doesn’t seem fair that I can’t even think to make a white people joke to a white person at here at work. Yet he does it without so much as pausing. I mean the thought doesn’t even come into or cross my mind. And that’s just part of the complexities that are woven into the minority’s experience in America. And I think it’s something that White folks just can’t grasp, or don’t want to grasp, or don’t get because hey, they don’t have to get it!

Maybe in 2042, I can call a white coworker up and tell them a joke about White people! After all they will be a minority then and won’t be able to do anything but laugh politely. Won’t that be a historic day?

See You In Seven

Imma Be Rockin' This...

Can't get this track out my head and totally digging it!

Forgive and Forgotten

It’s been said that Black people are a very forgiving people. For examples, you can look to the fact that we didn’t kill white people en masse because of slavery, colonialism, Jim Crow, George Bush. George W. Bush... I mean didn’t we all cheer when OJ ‘I got love for nothing but white women’ got off? Don’t we still got love for Marion Barry? And so on.

But for me the best example of Black people’s ability to “forgive” is that scene in the Five Heartbeats when they’re performing at the Apollo like theatre and the piano man is playin ‘A Heart Is a House for Love’ all slow. And the people are booing. And throwing things at the stage. And then Duck aka Robert Townsend knocks the piano man off the stool, and Eddie ‘Kaing’ Jr. (don’t know his gubment name) jumps down from the stage and holds that long ass note. And the crowd goes wild. As if Holyfield just won the fight(c) Outkast. That to me is the epitome of Black folk. Of how quickly our loyalty can shift. But then when you got our ass. You got us. I mean people still buy R. Kelly records, right? Riight.

So I simultaneously chuckled and wept when I saw this article in the Washington Post about how the CBC doesn’t want to complain too much to Obama about what he’s “not doing”. Because? Because he’s our first Black President, but he’s not a BLACK President, he’s just President who just happens to be a Black man and we can’t tell him to fix Black issues because… Because he is not just our President. M’mkay. An excerpt:

Several CBC members and aides talk derisively of an oft-quoted Obama phrase: that a "rising tide" for America will "lift all boats." They see it as rhetoric intended to justify why the administration has not focused on their communities at a time when unemployment among African Americans has climbed to 16.5 percent. "I can't pass laws that say I'm just helping black folks," Obama told the American Urban Radio Networks. "I'm the president of the United States. What I can do is make sure I'm passing laws that help people, particularly those who are most vulnerable."

Many in the 42-member, all-Democratic CBC passionately disagree.
African Americans and Latinos "bear the brunt of this economic recession," said Maxine Waters (Calif.). "We must not shy away from targeted public policy that seeks to address the specific and unique issues facing minority communities."

If Obama hears Waters's point, it is from a distance. Friends of hers say she has had no phone calls from the president and no consistent contact with other administration officials despite her position as a subcommittee chairman and a key player on the House Financial Services Committee.

WTF? And I went to hear Rev. Jeremiah Wright (heh how apropos) at a Revival last week and he told us that now means - What’s this foolishness? So, What's This Foolishness? Unemployment among African Americans is at 16.5%?!? Yo son! That’s bananas. That’s at some ignorant levels. I mean I get where Obama is coming from with his lift all boats. But we’ve got to face facts and admit that some of us are in yachts, some of us are in speed boats, some in canoes, and some are floating in the sea on a life raft tryna get to that small ass boat that rescues people. But it’s full. So word up Congresswoman Waters – targeted public policy indeed.

And when one continues reading the article, it’s revealed that approval ratings for Obama amongst African Americans is at 91% (I mean take that poll with a grain of salt – but I’m sure it’s still pretty high). Cause from my view from here, I've heard Black people be on some: He can’t do it all in his first year; he acquired these problems; give him more time; we can’t bad mouth him. Cause white people are looking at you! © Wanda Sykes. And so on.

And yet. In April 2009 Obama eased Cuba travel restrictions. And I'm sure a certain group’s eyes are on Obama and his real position on Israel and please believe if he doesn’t act accordingly, he will pay for throughout his term and into the 2012 elections. And that's just two specific groups in America who are getting their needs targeted and met. I just stopped looking for more. But we all know they exist. Right? Riiight.

I wonder why Black people are so willing to forgive. To give free passes. To let things ride. To fight for somebody who abandoned us a long time ago, for fear that if you leave 'em out in the cold where they ass belongs, then the white man will tear them apart. I’m sure there are some deep historical/psychological/social reasons for this behavior that I could research and such. But in the right now I wonder, do we just not want to to fight? Is it easier to accept what's handed to us cause they singing so sweet when they bring it to us? Is it because we don’t feel like we have anything to fight with? No “real” power, influence, deep pockets?

This makes me think that Martin n’em musta had a helluva time back in the day when they were like, “y’all we fina stop taking the bus until we can sit in the front.” Sayy whaaaat?!!? I bet nigs was mad as hell, “like yo! You trippin! How am I supposed to get to work?" Pause. Wait for it, wait for it... "You want me to what? Walk? Boy, I mean Pastor stop…” I mean can you imagine what would have happened, what could happen, if every single Black person or like a good 70% of us stood together on an issue. Stopped with this 'Black people are not monolithic' mess for like two seconds. Just one issue. Any issue. Pick an issue. Now stop. Think about it. Man, ain’t no telling where we’d be. Maybe in some yachts or something.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Black people don't be swayed by Eddie Kaing Jr.'s sweet voice! Cause if you try to take his spot, you ain't gon' get it. Cause you ain't got.

the intimidation factor

so a couple weeks ago i  met a guy.  let's call him kirk.  he seemed nice enough.  a couple years younger than me, but he had a professional degree and a stable job.  not that i get wet over such things, just sayin'.  he was pleasant enough to talk to and a self-described nerd.  he was quite tubby (read: fat) but i figured i'd keep an open mind since i'm no america's next top model.  i'd be toccarra, phabulously fierce!

 

now before our first official "date", i did a little recon. i found out that a really good guy friend of mine went to grad school with kirk so i asked my friend about him.  he gave me the 411 and then asked why i wanted to know.  when i told my friend that i was going to be meeting kirk for a "date" he laughed and said "nah homie, can't sign off on that one.  he's not on your level." 

i was flattered and thanked my friend for his insight but didn't cancel drinks with kirk.  i couldn't let one person's assessment prevent me from finding out more about kirk beyond his stats, right?.  so i accepted kirk's invite for after work drinks.  as i was leaving work to meet kirk, he contacted me to cancel.  work ran late.  i suggested lunch on saturday instead and he agreed.  saturday came and the noon hour passed with no word from kirk.  around 3, he called to explain.  lost cell phone, didn't have your number, found cell phone, apologies, blah blah blah.  

ummmm ok.  i started to see what my friend meant.  but being the nice gal that i am, i gave kirk one mo' chance, biggie, biggie you get one mo' chance. and so we finally had dinner the following thursday.  and kirk was aight.  not fantastic, not horrible, but aight. we had a nice pleasant dinner with some interesting conversation and at the end of the night, i figured i might have made a new friend.  

and then the cycle started all over again.  kirk suggested we get drinks after work on monday and then proceeded to pull an "oh never mind" an hour before we were supposed to meet.  in the next breathe he suggested dinner the next night.  by now i'd had enough.  i sweetly but firmly told kirk that i'd rather not make any future plans to meet until he could get over his case of the flakes.  i asked him not to suggest any more "dates" unless he knew he could keep them.  

and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today.  kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.

jigga what?!?!?  jigga who does that?  by text no less.  my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway.  but that's besides the point.  how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date?  riddle me that.  part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying.  but for why?  was he just not feeling a sista?  was he intimidated?  was he really just that damn busy?  or not ready to follow through on plans to meet?  not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady.  but still...who does that?

 

what say ya'll?