New Age Ageist

For the past 5 years at my good government job I have noticed that I am usually the youngest person in the room (I'm also usually the only person of color-but that's a post for another day). Most of us know that this can be either a gift or a gift horse. Youth excuses ignorance, explains impatience and breeds innovation. That’s the gift. Youth also allows people to ignore you and assume that you don’t know nothing about nothing. We have all been the youngest person in the room but gradually this changes.

At my job I have had many a manager say that they are eager to hear the ideas of the newer younger workers only to default to doing things how they always have done them. Mix this with a manager telling my coworker that she hadn’t paid her dues to deserve a promotion. Yet in within the past five years this woman has been promoted and has taken this same manager’s job! Today, a great debate in my department is how we should present the materials for a training session we are having next month. A coworker who is a few years older than I suggested that we give the participants their materials on a USB flash drive. This is a great idea, especially since most of the participants are flying to participate. The older folks in group hemmed and hawed about flash drives. They wanted them to have large three ring binders, so they could have a hard copy of the material and could turn the pages along with the presenter. Huh?! Is it not 2010? Aren't the airlines shaking us down for everything we bring onto their planes? Can we get with the going green/everything is electronic now program? It can be frustrating dealing with people who were alive in the 1940s!

Sometimes you just want the old folks to sit down somewhere so we can more forward…

Then I read on Yahoo news that they are already trying to come up with a name for the next generation. The ones who have always had mobile devices, the internet and only one white president prior to Mr. Obama. As I read on I realized that at some point this no name generation will be in the workforce with me; being innovative and young-and probably wondering when this lady who was alive in the 1980s will go sit down somewhere. And this realization got me to thinking about the aging process. I mean it is inevitable of course, but how does one go about doing it realistically and gracefully? Even now I have to remind myself that by all appearances I am a responsible adult-and though I long for the ease and breeze of childhood those days are over.

I wonder if anyone ever really reconciles this fact. Do 80 year-olds in fact feel like they are 80? I’m sure their physical ailments clue them in, but what about mentally? In my younger days I believed that 30 looked and felt a certain way. Don’t ask me what that was is, because as I near 30 I can’t imagine it feeling any different than how I feel now-yet and still I know that how I feel now is not what I ever imagined. Make sense? Maybe only to me. But these are the things I think about when I see people who are eligible to retire still roaming the halls of my office. Maybe they don't see themselves as old or even as being progress blockers. And what about my 59 year old coworker carrying around a picture from her youth and planning to undergo risky plastic surgery to look better…and feel better about herself. Why should she feel bad about getting older? Yet at the same time I want these older people to get out the way so the younger, more intuned young people can run things! Then I pause and think about how one day it could be me who is standing in the way. Holding on to the past and thinking these young kids don’t know nothing about nothing.

See You In Seven

Equal Opportunity Offender

It has been a slow news day today. Sure the media world is all atwitter about the historic healthcare bill. I really don’t have too much to add except to say Yay! Especially for the kids and for my current family members who are uninsured and are navigating the joys that are free health clinics. Now if they can just hang on for a few more years until it’s implemented.

And it’s been the usual at work. Meetings after meetings. Monday morning blues. Wishes to be anywhere but here in the office. Oh, did I tell ya’ll about the joke my older white male co-worker told me? Some background, I call said coworker about an upcoming meeting on budget. I basically voiced my opinion that our manager was pretty much clueless in the ways of budget things and while we were in our meeting I was pretty much going to be doodling on my paper while my boss spoke. Well my action plan turned into the perfect segue for him to say that he would be thinking of jokes like the following:

Vladimere Putin, Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush are all in hell. There is a red telephone. The devil informs them that they can use the phone to make one call. Putin call Russia, speaks for 10 minutes, once his call is over the devil says that call will cost him 1 million dollars. So Putin strokes out a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England, speaks for 30 minutes, once her call is over the devil say that call will cost her 4 million dollars. So Queen Elizabeth strokes out a check. Then George gets on the phone, calls America, speaks for 4 hours, hangs up and has a seat. Putin asks the devil why doesn’t George have to pay? Then the devil says Well since Obama has become president the United States has gone to hell, so that was a local call.

*Ba dump ching*

Are ya’ll laughing yet?

I chuckled to be polite, hung up and then sat in my cube for like 5 minutes trying to assess what just happened. I know I say this often, but for real no schoolin’ can prepare a person for this world of working! And I work for the equal employment opportunity good ole government! This ain’t even corporate America where anything goes.

Be it your Black, White, Asian, Latino, mix breed boss or coworker…you just never know what can happen in a work week! And surely my childhood stints as 1 of 4 Black people in a class never prepared me for this type of sh*t. I state this because I often fancy myself a white folks expert, but yet I can still be surprised by the things they say… I mean this joke was soooooooooo not appropriate for work. But beyond that, older white man and I are not even cool like that. Not saying that I am one of those ride or die Obama for life Black people Rum spoke about on Friday, but older white man didn’t know that!

It just doesn’t seem fair that I can’t even think to make a white people joke to a white person at here at work. Yet he does it without so much as pausing. I mean the thought doesn’t even come into or cross my mind. And that’s just part of the complexities that are woven into the minority’s experience in America. And I think it’s something that White folks just can’t grasp, or don’t want to grasp, or don’t get because hey, they don’t have to get it!

Maybe in 2042, I can call a white coworker up and tell them a joke about White people! After all they will be a minority then and won’t be able to do anything but laugh politely. Won’t that be a historic day?

See You In Seven

Setup a Meeting to Discuss

There is nothing that can be taught in the halls of academia that can prepare a person for the wonderful world of working. Could someone please tell me why I did not eat lunch today until 4:30? And I got to work around 8:30! In a word "meetings". Back to back ones at that. I told ya'll before how we like to get down in the good ole government. And that is the problem!

I mean I like to socialize as much as the next person, but more often than not I can do without these caring and sharing sessions around oak tables in windowless conference rooms. Let lighting strike me tonight, if my manager did not spend 30 minutes talking about his trip to see the groundhog see his shadow. Why? Because the resident brown noser felt that our budget pitfalls was the perfect segue! Huh? Now I won't lie to ya'll I enjoyed the diversion and I learned that groundhog day is big business to some... but I could have spent that time surfing the internet, or just mindless starting at my cubicle wall!

But as my boss circles the table asking for everyone's two cents-but not really caring about our opinion because the next course of action was decided before we all got together-and really we are just participating in a formality...

Everyone is either dreaming about being here....



Or wishing they were this guy!



*Sigh*


If only meetings involved more 80s hair....I think I wouldn't mind giving up my web surfing time...and maybe I could eat lunch at a decent hour!




See You In Seven

A Golden Rule

So it’s a new year (yay!) but I still work the same ole job with the same ole work drama (boo-but grateful). I sit in my cube wondering how people can work for the same company for 30 plus years because I don’t think I have the endurance or the patience to make it that long. We are sending these people off with cakes and retirement balloons-but really we should be erecting statues honoring the fact that these people haven’t inflicted bodily harm in all their years of working!

Sorry folks this is going to be another work inspired post! Lucky you…

So yeah one of the areas that I need to work on is patience. I feel like I just need to grow there because not everyone has an Amaretto state of mind and I need to really accept and understand that. Oh but why do people drive you to cuss them out and/or kill them just for the stupid things they say or do?* At one point I was going to state the it’s older white people who drive one (specifically me) to brink but really in 2010 I am going to let my negro dialect go…and just say all people can pluck the last nerve.

So let me share how I have already been plucked and we are only 12 days into the new year! Last week my immediate supervisor was going to use the word “Irregardless” in correspondence to someone outside of our department to which I told him not to use it because that wasn’t a word. Well don’t you know that this man looked up irregardless in Webster’s dictionary and called me later in the day to tell me that it was in fact a word and I could look it up online. Then he went on to tell me that there are other “ir” words like “irregular”. Sigh. Are you serious?! I wasn’t disputing the existence of “ir” words but irregardless wasn’t a word that I thought was recognized. Never attempt to tell an older white man (oops I wasn’t suppose to be making this about race). So never attempt to tell this particular man he was wrong because he will fight to the death to prove himself correct! Nevermind that within Webster’s own definition of the word they state to use “regardless” instead. He didn’t see or acknowledge that part of the definition, just like Columbus didn’t see the communities of Native Americans on the land that he just discovered.

I grew in patience that day because he’s still living and breathing, I still have my job and as you can see I did as instructed and looked up the definition of irregardless online!

But then today a coworker tried to tell me that they weren’t using their government issued travel card to obtain cash advances. Did this coworker not understand that part of my job requires that I look at their statements so I can see everything that they are and are not doing? Their response was that they accidentally used their government card, because they thought it was their own. Sigh. When will people get original?! I guess because I am young and black then my birthday must have been January 11th 2010. But again, I guess this person didn’t know that I can see each time they used their card for personal hotel stays or for when they took cash advances for $200 from their neighborhood Wawa dating back to September. But really you want me to believe that this was a one time error? I know that times are hard, but don’t be insulting to my intelligence. You have been caught stealing and it’s because of me that your manager doesn’t know about it. I feel like someone should be licking my boots...or giving me a gift card to Target or something!

Sigh…and I wonder if someone would be as lenient with me as I was with them. I doubt it.

Despite the two notable bumps in the road to Amaretto Jenkins being and becoming a better person (because trust me their have been other incidents in this year) I’m still going to try to live by doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. Even when I don’t feel like people deserve my kindness, I know someone has felt the same way about me.

See You In Seven

*Because I am not a bitter or crazy black woman I don't actually think about doing these things to others. And if I do it's all internal discourse...because unlike some black professional women-my coworkers love me!

Looking Back

It's been one of those days at the office where you just want to throw up the deuces and walk out! I think me taking a "slick"day yesterday has not helped my workload! But alas alack you can't just tell everyone to kiss your grits and walk out when you are a grown up girl in the grown up world of working. I got bills to pay and other responsibilities...so let me put on a happy face, tap dance and just deal with these folks....

But before I do, let me procrastinate for a minute (or an hour)...

One of the things I enjoy about blogging and other forms of chronicling life is the ability to look back. I recently stumbled across some diary entries from 2001 and wondered what the heck was a thinking?! And even though I knew it was me who penned those entries it didn't sound like me at all! There was as stark contrast between me just entering my twenties from me today, and thank God for that! I was a fool! And there is something to be said about time, growth and development, and what should be said is that its freaking awesome if people fall back and just let it naturally progress! And there is something to be said about having the ability to look back over your life and see just have far you have come, so that the journey-with all it's bumps can be appreciated.

So hopefully you are seeing this a a clever way for me to not write a brand spanking fresh and new post this week and offer this throwback post! http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/01/audacity-to-hope.html

Oh when I was excited and thankful for my job. Ha ha ha! Those where the days. It helps to see Amaretto from back then, though the excitement about my job has long since waned, I am still truly thankful to be in the land of both the living and the working!


See You In Seven

sorry folks...

I just don't have my act together to make my scholarly contributions this week. I'm semi-sick, double booked for conferences, and I'm still working... Your girl is tired. And can you believe I have so much potential for inspiration this week... what about President Carter droppin' his bomb, oh and what about Whitney coming clean (no pun intended), but I shan't... give me 7 days... I'll have my act together promise

cheers,

Bellini

Tap Tap Tapping Away

Today I am at an offsite meeting. Cry for me ya’ll! Shed some real tears! My manager wants us to be here for 3 days…From this, ya’ll should know how these things tend to go and should not be surprised that I dusted off my old Negro tap shoes and white gloves and danced for the man. *Jazz Hands*




By the time I was finished he agreed that I needed to hold down the fort and participate for only a day and a half. Praise Him! Massa knows what’s up. Now true I might be missing out on some life changing information…but nothing career changing and really in the world of work that’s all that matters. Riiiiiiiight? Right.

So as I twiddle my thumbs, doodle in my notebook, thank the Lord for air conditioning and contemplate the meaning of life as a twenty-something working among a sea of forty, fifty and sixty somethings…. Enjoy your Tuesday ya’ll!

See You In Seven

A Working Girl's Woes

Every morning I have to tell myself that I am lucky to have a job, well luck has little to do with it…I am actually blessed. But I have to remind myself. Especially in these days and times. I have to say “Amaretto, you shouldn’t abuse your sick leave.” “Amaretto keep a positive attitude.” And of course, “Amaretto, you have to keep a smiling face.” But here lately it’s been really hard ya’ll to keep this work thing in perspective. I feel like I am underpaid…and not necessarily overworked (I do work for the government), but when I think about the things I am trying to accomplish in 2009, the funds aren’t giving me the means. And while I’m not building a railroad I do think I have to put up with more drama than a Terry Perry play. And I know, this is like me complaining that I am all out of my brand of bottled water while some orphan child in a war torn country has to walk 600 miles bare foot to get water that animals drink from… but it’s how I am feeling.

I’m thankful I have a job, but does it have to suck? Especially because of management?

I have one of those chick bosses who is not the best manager because she lacks the ability to communicate…effectively. I have never in my life not liked a person as much as I do my manager. And it’s not like she is mean, but I feel that everything from her mouth is bull. She came into my department with clear favorites and well that just set the stage. I’ve never been the type of person who needed to be in the in crowd, but I do need boss like people to at least read the work that I provide. There is nothing more annoying than giving someone the information they need to be successful, or at least not look like an idiot and them not listening to you, and later having the audacity for the same exact information that I already provided. Say whaaaaaaaat? And why is it that you are a six figure and I ain’t? Maybe because I use words like ain’t… me no know. But that has been the story of my life ya’ll for the past 10 months! Just unbearable because I can see what she is shoveling and it’s nothing but sh*t that she’s trying to pass off as a bed of roses. But unlike a friend in the hood I can’t call her on it. And that makes me frustrated and angry. And the reason you aren’t getting a post about why Black History is everyone’s history, or how I felt Robert Downey Jr. was robbed at the Oscars because (and please don’t take my Black card away) I thought he was funny as hell portraying a black man in Tropic Thunder-is because working bes like this sometimes. And I just had to stop, vent, and breathe so I could keep on wearing my smiling face mask.

I just have to keep smiling, keep shining, and remember that I am blessed to have a job. Unlike many, I at least know for sure I’m getting paid on Friday.

See You In Seven

Gooooo Team!

Now that I am a grown up girl thrown into the working world I’m subjected to do stuff on teams. Blah blah bluck to teamwork! I’m an only child, I can work quietly by myself, coloring in the lines and whistling whilst I work. Oh, but sometimes working in teams can just seem like a waste of life! I know teamwork is necessary and people are communal. No one person and do it all by their lonesome. But, some things should not take as long as they do. Not saying that I am a wham, bam, thank you ma’am, get your cash on your way out-type of person. But seriously, how long should it take to determine who our new water cooler supplier is going to be? In my mind one person could have scouted out some suppliers, thrown together a brief spreadsheet with cost comparisons, conferred with one other person about who it was going to be (which I did). End. Of. Story. Water Cooler breaks for all!

But Noooooo! I work for the government. I work with other people who are older, but not necessarily wiser, and maybe they enjoy wasting time because they will be retiring soon and very soon. And I guess it’s better to look busy than to actually be busy. But can I just say that we have been working on our water issue since February! There was snow on the ground and now it’s hot! I’ve already told them who would be the most beneficial (read: cheapest) but I’m under thirty so what do I know…and maybe it isn’t that I could be some of these people’s child, maybe these folks want to drag things on and on and on and on…the cipher keeps moving like a rolling stone.

And so I’m screaming on the train with Rum because this can not be my life for the next 30 years! Or even the next 3 years!

But since it is my life for the now, come share in my pain…

In January our regular water supplier decided to throw up their deuces because having water coolers is a thing of the past and they wanted to just distribute 24 packs of water to the world. So, since people in my office still gather around the water cooler to discuss the latest and greatest thing to happen on American Idol, there was a need to keep the good times rolling. So I got my Google on, read some things, threw an Excel spreadsheet together and determined a winner, because back then I was just promoted. But they weren’t ready for that level of initiative so….

First a meeting was called and brainstorming commenced-I really don’t recall the particulars of this meeting because I was perfecting my poodle doodle on my note pad.

Then a few of my co-“workers” volunteered to head up the water probing expedition and they drafted me to be on the team. Yay, I wasn’t picked last! But think Lewis and Clark with me playing the role of Sacajawea.

Then I bring to my team my fact findings and lay them at their feet. They pat me on my head and say good job and send me on my way.

Then another meeting is scheduled to update the department on water. My team lead states that we have been diligent with our efforts, but still have not been able to secure a supplier or a contract. Hmmm. Okay. If only that were true, I muse as I doodle a duck to play with my poodle near a pond on my note pad.

And that ladies and gentleman is where we are today…in June! I think another meeting is scheduled for July…and as you can see I’m typing a blog whilst I drink a Micky D’s Sweet tea at my desk…

For the most part teamwork has always left a bad taste in my mouth. Think sour milk on wheat germ cereal. Because either the team slows you up by holding you down…or they don’t do a darn thing to contribute to your work and effort! But they are first smile for the accolades. Either way I have yet to be part of a team that didn’t leave me frustrated in the process. Is it me? Ha ha ha. Bless my soul.

Or is it everyone else?

See You In Seven

My Audacity to Hope

I know it’s January but Dizzzzzzaum it’s cold! Layering is the word of the season when the high temperatures are less than freezing and hot coffee purchased from the shop is lukewarm by the time it’s sipped at your desk. I was seriously contemplating using sick leave today just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the frigid temperatures. Ahhhh, just to stay warm under the covers of my bed, safe and secure from all alarms! Because you know sometimes you just don’t want to deal with stuff...cold things in particular, like the weather, people or even the chilling business of office politics. Ah yes, no matter how much we just try to be gosh darn individuals and just do our job we all become candidates subjected to approval ratings determined by our coworkers…

In 2005 I got me a good government job. Woo hoo! The benefits! The stability! The good times that I was sure to have! Ha! I was surprised to see how many non black folks held higher level positions. So when I noticed that that the mailroom crew, the folks in our plants, facilities and the administrative support staff were mostly held by folks that looked like me, I realized that Masta and his plantation hadn’t disappeared just because folks had marched to get in the doors. And so through a series of events that I’m sure I’ll write about later on in life, I was part of the admin staff, promised that it was a position were I could blossom and grow, a position where I could keep on stepping up the rings of the ladder so that one day I could be all that I could be…

But then I started talking to some of my Sistagirls in the same position. You know how we like to talk whilst we work, just to learn what exactly we have gotten ourselves into. Wow. If ever there were a bitter and sometimes brazen cast of characters in this bunch. These women were quick to tell me of all the glass ceilings that they had hit in their careers. All the managers who had promised them opportunities to grow, just as soon as they finished typing that business letter or made copies for the conference. No one really had a hopeful story to tell except in the one or two who were able to ascend after 10 or 15 years of trying! They basically were telling me I had been a victim of a classic bait and switch.

So I started thinking about what I wanted for me, but I’ll tell you you’d be surprised, but other folks have plans for you too. One manager pulled me in her office and outlined her plan for my life that included five more years of admin support and then maybe a higher level job in her group, because she could recognize my potential. So if I have potential and you see that now, why do I have to wait? (Yes, Bracky O- I understand brother). Ya’ll know I thanked her graciously for having a plan for me and tapped danced right on out of her office. And then I decided to run! I was getting off this plantation; but before I quit I was going to first try to break through the glass.

There were so many tear filled phone calls to my mama who’s down south. Every story about the craziness on my job was met with a warm platitude of hope, or a statement that my situation could be different from the others…”You never know, baby” she said. Arrrgh! I wasn’t trying to hear that mess! I wanted her to get hyped and pissed that her one and only baby was being treated as a second class employee. I wanted her to agree that system was built to keep me down because that’s what happened to the Sistagirls...so surely that’s what was gonna happen to me if I let it! Mommas are wise ya’ll. And eventually my mother stopped saying anything, other than “Okay, Amaretto”.


Well after months of applying for new jobs, interviewing, being told “No, but don’t take it personally.” After months of wondering if I was crazy for thinking I could do more with my life then what I was currently doing. After months of acting how I must and leaving my Sistagirl attitude at home. After months of just being depressed because it seemed like I wasn’t going anywhere and everything on the outside conflicted with what I knew on the inside. After months campaigning and trying to show others that I had what it takes, even though I felt they should have already known about me. After months of getting everyone on the prayer line…I got word that I had been promoted, 7 levels higher thousands of dollars more in my salary! I’m still shocked that I have been able to breakthrough that glass ceiling and to do it in 3 years!

So today is my first day in my new position. Sad that I was going to call out sick right?! I know. It is just amazing to me ya’ll that despite the odds and what usually happens to employees like me, my story gets to have a different ending. My momma was right. That despite what people say or think there is always the possibility. That small chance. That hope in spite of…







Even in my own life I’ve seen the power of a maybe.




See You in Seven

that beesch is eatin' good

A friend and I were recently discussing child support. Not in the i'm-tryin'-to-collect-mines sense but in the girl-you-see-how-much-so & so-has-to-pay-now sense. She seemed to think Take-dat take-dat having to pay over $19,000 a month was way too much but I didn't really have no kinda sympathy for his 5-kid, 3-baby mama havin' ass. But the convo got me to thinking...

Should there be a mandatory maximum on child support payments? Is there some upper limit at which we, as a society say, aw hell to da naw! That's way too much for one guy to pay each month to one woman whom he happened to sleep with without a condom?

Why is it that we applaud the average woman takin' her allegedly triflin' baby daddy to court to collect that $250 a month to help pay the daycare bill. (and why are daycare prices so off da chain...can we get some regulation of that industry) But when the tables are turned and the man is a mega millionaire there is suddenly an outpouring of pity and support for the poor sap who now has to pay $29000 a month to his baby mama (or mamas if he gets around like that).

Jermaine Dupri has an interesting take on the situation.

"Someone in my position has to take care of his child and his baby mama. It's a point of honor that you set them up in a house, pay the bills, and give the mother of your child a monthly check so she can stay home and look after your baby. You've got the money so there's no excuse. In this industry, if you don't look after your baby AND your baby mama, you're an asshole. It's a code that makes guys like me a target."

-Young, Rich & Dangerous, The Making of a Music Mogul (2006)

Basically if dude is making that much money, ain't no reason his child and baby mama should want for nothing much less have to haul his ass to court like this guy, or this guy (just to name a few). I think JD has a point. If you got it like that, don't you want your kids (and the person takin' care of your kids 24/7) to have it like that?

Yet, the argument always circles back to vilify the woman (notice how this also seems to happen in other situations i.e. rape--why was she over to his house at 3am?; kidnapping--why she out in the street so late by herself?; Video vixen/stripper--why she think shaking that ass/swinging on a pole is a legitimate way to pay for school?) but back to jump offs...the thought is that this chick is getting rich off her ass just cause she laid down with (insert famous Black artist/athlete/celebrity here). How dare she! She should be made to work. She shouldn't get to shop all day, blah blah.

Sounds like a bit of hateration in that kool-aid ya'll dranking. Yea yea you all can say now, as you hustle your independent woman self to work each morning, that you wouldn't be able to just sit around all day, you'd have a job or something... gurl stop!

You'd take that 28k a month and keep it movin. You might not literally sit on your ass all damn day but you damn sure wouldn't be working your current 9 to 5 (at least not on a everyday 9 to 5, 6 or 7 o'clock basis). You might dabble here and there in your current profession, do some charity work, etc. but you'd focus on raising your child into a productive adult.

Now, granted there are some jump offs who take their life of leisure to a whole nother level.
Like this chick Willie Gary hooked up with. I mean, come on. Don't go spending the cheese willy nilly like you ain't got no sense. But even in that situation can we really advocate for a mandatory maximum given the facts? His dumb ass initially voluntarily agreed to pay that much (prolly to keep her ass quiet). And according to a quote over at sandrarose.com, the amount he pays per month as a percentage of his yearly income (a whooping $13 million per year) equals out to a guy making $130,000 a year paying only $280 per month.

Marinate on that shit. Puts it in perspective, doesn't it? Not to mention that his ass has yet to see his son and daughter since birth.

With the amount of money that these guys have, why shouldn't they pay (or be forced to pay) these women a percentage to take care of their children. They laid down with these jump offs, with no trojans or magnums on the nightstand, with no thoughts to the consequences of what that phat piece of ass would cost them in real-life dollars nine months later. So now you wanna cry, "This is ridiculous, I need a mandatory maximum please Mr. Judge suh." Naw shawty, it don't work like that. And with all that bread you laying down for that chain, that car, that mansion, that white party in the hamptons, are you really hurtin for it? You feedin' cousin pookie nem, your "personal assistant/bodyguard," and his whole family, why not feed your flesh and blood and the woman who gave birth to junior/juniorette?

But that's just my opinion...what's your thoughts on a mandatory maximum for child support?

"She supposed to spend it on that baby but we see she don’t
Ask ask Paul McCartney the lawyers gettin sloppy
Slaughter slaughter of them pockets, had to tie her to a rocket
Send her into outer space, I know he wish he could
Cause he payin 20K a day, that beesch is eatin' good
Like an infant on a double D, beesch is getting plump
Cause he miscalculated the next to the last pump"

--Big Boi, International Player's Anthem

I's Tired Boss

I know that it’s something that we all have to do, especially for the little things like food, clothing and shelter. But I woke up sad this morning ya’ll. Work sucks! I know we all have our burdens to bare, so I’m not ‘specting someone to come along and console me by making me a pot of tea, handing me a box of tissues, while writing a check payable to Amaretto Jenkins-for living expenses, travel, and whatever else-for the rest of her life (Oprah, this doesn’t apply to you girlfriend-feel free!) For five days a week I feel like I’m the monkey at the bottom of a pole. The top monkeys are looking down, seeing a bunch of smiling faces (including mine) but when I look up…well I’m seeing a whole lot of ass holes! I just don’t understand how somewhere between the carefree days of childhood and now, I got strapped down with adulthood. Words like responsibility, duty and commitment are part of my vernacular and work ethic. I know-work ethic-it’s scary right? But I’ve got a lot of unused sick days to show that I have one. At times, I feel like a stupid hamster running on a wheel to nowhere…but I keeps running because of the small little treat I get at the end of 80 hours-minus go ole Uncle Sammy’s cut of course. Work, like any relationship, gets frightening when the thrill is gone, and for me it’s gone so far away.

I don’t want you guys to get it twisted, I’m not anti work. I know some highly esteemed folks out there think people of color are difficult to work with, because we’re lazy and all. But since I know my history and can look back at my ancestors who labored daily-I know the truth. So please believe I don’t desire to sit back monthly and collect a check of unearned wages….

But sometimes, as I’m waking up for the day, pretty much knowing what to expect at the office, I want to party like a rock star. Or a rap star. Or basically like a person who hasn’t deserved one ounce of the media attention that she’s be given. That’s right, just take a day in the life of Ms. Paris Hilton!
Now she has on black face, but I’d be the real thing! Paris Noire Hilton. "That's hot" right?

Of course I don’t want her sex tape, IQ, 23 day jail stint or child-like body. But to be an heiress? Well, I can’t deny that would be nice. Aside from traveling the world and being G-L-A-M-O-R-ous it would also give me options to do things like quit my job. Because seriously I would do it now, throw up my deuces and cha-cha slide right on outta of here-if it weren’t for pesky things like the bills I had to pay, or my fondness for eating and wiping my butt with toilet paper instead of the phone book.

On top of it all, I work with a lot Babyboomers. These people are cool, care about what is going on in my world, but seriously, they would be better associates for my parents. These folks have 30 to 40 years in with this organization and are a few years away from retirement. They care and share about all the things they are going to do when they're gone (that’s why they are assholes ya’ll-rubbing it in my face) and express how they can’t believe they’ve been here for as long as they have; as they scratch their lotto tickets and laugh about the good ole days and the days to come. Most have recognized my talent, genius, and all around good person-ness and have told me they expect me to go far in the company…but I am more convinced that I don’t want to be like them and be here for that long. I have so much inside of me that I don’t believe my current organization will allow me to give...EVER!

From 8am to 5pm it’s like I’m locked up and I’m serving this sentence until I’m 67. Honestly at the rate things are going I might not be able to retire at that age and get everything they said I’m due. After nearly three years I don’t see how what I’m doing daily is showing people that they can be more than what haters expect of them. I’m not proving to folks that even in their bleakest moment and against all odds that there is still hope and something they can believe in. When will I get a chance to help those hopeless children realize that they can do anything they dream? You know, doing these things for which I think I am purposed...

I don't know, to defer my dreams for 4 more decades, to be here, complacent, smiling when I’m really screaming…well that’s scarier than any costume I’m going to see tomorrow night.

See You in Seven