women are funnny!

so this is a recollection of stories seen, heard, observed, and everything in between.

So, a co-worker shared a story that occured a few months ago... As she and her boyfriend were plannig for their recent vacay to Mexico. Now her boyfriend - Taylor*, likes to shower her with gifts. So, in preparation for the trip, he purchased a dress from Bebe. So, the sales associate embarks on the attack...

"Wow-how sweet that you're shopping for you Mother."
"Uhh-not my mother - my girlfriend."
"Oh, so your girl is a size 6. Well next time when you shop for me, I'm a size 4."
"No, thanks. I like my woman with some meat!"

That's right Taylor shut that b*sh down. Women are funnny!

Now a few weeks ago I attended a wedding. The bride has only one sister. So, after the nuptials, when it was time to take pictures. The bride's sister refused to be in any of the pictures. Her logic was given the fact that she snapped a few pics, she was occupied with that endeavor. I must be Boo-boo the fool as my manicurist would say 'cuz you snapped a FEW pics and commenced to smoked your cigar (outside in the hot a$$ sun). But folks, the sister is just mad and bitter. See bitter sister has been a girlfriend for 17 years and counting and the bride married her boyfriend in 5 years. So sister reckons she can be selfish?
Women are funny!

Now there's a friend, Kai, who has a daughter and she and the child's father, TJ, have since moved on. TJ is married and Kai is in a long-term relationship. But for some reason her TJ's-wife wants them to besties. She invites her to all functions, tries to friend her on Facebook, etc. Now Kai is cool-she prefers relationships of the organic variety. Just let it flow, not some manufactured situation. And TJ's wife, Vanesssa, doesn't realize that Kai has peeped her game. There have been times when Vanessa has been insecure and prompted TJ to "choose" between she and his daughter. what are you talkin' bout Bellini Well, back when Kai and TJ were a couple he showered her with some trinkets from Tiffanys and Co... and Vanessa became inadvertently aware since one of her stepdaughter's trinkets formerly belonged to Kai. So, when Valentine's Day rolled around and the daughter asked TJ to take her to Tiffany's so she could buy her Mom her Valentine's Day gift - Vanessa went ballistic! Vanessa informed her husband "doesn't she have enough from Tiffanys!?" Well, I'll stay in the car while you two do that." Alrighty then.
Women are funnny!

And thank God, Bellini is nothing like that...

cheers,

Bellini

truth with a side of hate

one thing about friendships that has always made me sad is the inability for women to speak truth to other women about what's going on in their lives.  sometimes you can tell your best girlfriend that she can't squeeze into that sundress that she loved so much cause she's picked up a few pounds.  sometimes you can honestly say, "girl you can not leave your stable job as a receptionist to audition for idol.  your voice sucks."  but you can rarely speak truth to your woman friend about her dealings with men.  because most times it is seen as
A) hateration or
B) hateration.
sad + true
now why is that? why are relationships often off limits to outside opinions in ways that other areas of our lives are not? i've got 2 theories about this.  follow me as i open the mind of mint julep...

theory 1:

bitches be hatin! all the time. 24-7.  when you think they aren't.  they are.  and when they aren't........they still are.
when they just want the best for you.  when they know you better than you know yourself.  when they suddenly become clairvoyant and know 5 days or 3 months or 2 years from now that his ass will cheat (with her). 
they be hatin!
and so whatever "truth" you think they're speaking to you, or whatever "truth" you think you're  imparting to your best homegirl might just be HATE with a layer of sweet cream cheese frosting on top. 
for example: a friend of a friend just got engaged.  and before the dude proposed, he came and talked to my friend about what he should do and how he should do it.  and the woman also talked to my friend about the possibility of dude proposing and whether the two of them should get married.  my friend told me some of the things she said to her friend and to dude.  there's not enough white space in this post to get into all the ins and outs of both of those conversations but i had a few O_o moments as some of the things my friend said she told them. 
i wondered to myself (and asked my friend): how does her perspective color her responses?  does the fact that she's single with no man (and no engagement prospects) influence the truth she speaks to her friend about whether she should be marrying this guy? 
sometimes we as women have to hold inside whatever "truth" we want to speak to our friends.  we have to step back.  take that truth home.  unpack it on the kitchen table.  grab a knife and cut it open.  dissect out all the hate.  all the envy.  all the jealousy.  all the hurt.  all the why not me's.  then selah on what we wanna say.  package it back up. and then go back to our friend.  and speak that truth. 

theory 2:

women don't wanna HEAR the truth from other women.  women invented the side eye.  we are perpetually skeptical.  we always on some, "what's her motivation?"  or "she want my man" type ish.  so any time another female comes at us with some friendly advice, we get our backs up.  we dismiss any comments, thoughts, reflections and opinions as hating.  even if they are actually grounded in fact and reality.
now one should always question the motives of the messanger but i do think women sometimes are too quick to shut down any rational practical thoughts about their love situation just because we don't like what a friend is telling us.  we don't wanna hear the truth.
for example: if a dear friend comes to you and says i seent your man last night out with another woman making out in the back booth, you can't say she just hating.
but how many of ya'll readers would even tell a dear friend that you saw something like that?  you'd have to run it by some of your other girlfriends to see if they thought you should say something.  and you'd still hesitate.  because you wouldn't wanna be branded a hater by your friend.  cause your friend can't handle the truth.

and that's what makes me sad.  that we as women can't tell a friend what we think about their love lives.  when that's what friends should be able to do.

or not....

what say ya'll?

price paid to work and be woman

So, "like an epiphany" cue Chrisette Monday afternoon while in the office, eating my lunch and reading the NY Times article, Women Bullying Women at Work and then serendipitiously listening to Jill Scott’s "I Keep". I tell myself, divine intervention is at play here. The third omen to write this post occured Monday night, while watching the FOX series 24. Did you see the tete-á-tete between Janice and Chloe -- loves it? But you have to wonder why would women do that to one another? What is wrong with them?
for the most part Bellini gets along with most

So, today I will share with you some stories of women in the workplace. Men make sure you read this ‘cuz you’re sure to get a chuckle or too, and women you’re sure to hit some amens or jeer at being called out. So, here we go.

When it comes to the workplace, I've had some interesting encounters with women. During my first internship (related careerwise) my manager was a woman. She was uberprofessional, sharp, and on point. And, when it comes to me being a professional, I model myself after her. She kept drama out of our office, she kept the staff abreast of company politics coupled with an objective perspective. Oh, and she remembered birthdays and took you out to lunch. That's the epitome of a professional to me. Even now, folks will tell you Bellini is one smart cookie -- I learned from the best.

During my internship days, I met a female manager of an engineer firm. The only female manager. And she shared with me that she would take naps in the middle of the day. Close her office door shut, and zone out for 30 minutes to an hour -- rejuvenate her body. None of the men bothered her, actually they couldn't she was at the top of her game. She struggled her way to the top by acquiring all the right credentials (i.e. academic pedigree) along the way. As my former boss would say, "paid the cost to be the boss!"

Fastforward, 5 years to my first real job as a professional. My nemesis as Rummy would call her was a fox in sheep's clothing. Initially, she wasn't even in my department. clue #1 Due to some drama in her department, she transferred over to my department. Now, keep in mind I was the youngest professional in my office. Women looked at me with an askew glance, and men were just tickled pink with me -- go figure. The heffa out of nowhere coronated herself as my defacto overseer. Bellini can smell a rat right away, I spoke with my boss to clarify the division in labor in which he did. Yet, that action only nullified her temporarily. The bish started clocking/watching me. Aren't we all damn professionals? Don't we all have a life?

clue #2 When you don't have a man or no kids -- ladies and gentlemen run for cover! Women of that ilk can be of the deadly variety. My nemesis was all of that and then some! She clearly was older than me by 15 years damn shame. Ironically, the woman -- was a woman of color, but nope she wasn't a sista. The sistas in my office were cool as shit! We looked out for each other, go the extra mile for each other, cover for one another. I've heard tales about sistas being the worst species to work for and I have yet to have a sista as a boss. Time will tell, what keeps me guarded is that I will be the boss who also happens to be a sista and yet I will keep grounded due to all the stores Rummy shared at a past work experience.

Recently, I encountered a colleague who shared that the top female professional of her past company would crochet during meetings (senior, senior -level meetings at that) and I laughed in awe. My colleague was horrified, she felt like she took the feminist movement back 20 years. In a tactful way I essentially told her to get a grip. "You don't know what price she paid to be the boss?" touché

Ladies, as you climb that corporate ladder -- just be mindful and aware shit gets lonely at the top.

cheers,

Bellini

hi hater!

for the last few weeks now, my happiness on the job has been the topic of hot debate. it's kinda strange since i really really really love what i do now. even if i had thought of leaving my current employer i really really love my new city. after all the twists and turns it took to get here, i'm stayin local for at least 3 years.

so when my supervisors kept tellin' me that they heard i was unhappy, i was kinda surprised. at first they kept hemming and hawwing about who said what to whom about me. but finally after some digging i found the rat.

apparently, the rat told one of my bosses that i had an offer to go back to my old job and was seriously considering it. now how did the rat know this? the rat claimed that he got this information from one of my work homies over drinks one night. when my boss told me all this, i was livid! well as livid as a pisces can be.

for one, there was/is no such offer.
b) i have neva eva eva said something like this out my mouth
and most importantly, my work homie would never say something like this (truth or lie) to the rat because he thinks the rat is a punk a** biyatch.

there remains only one conclusion, the rat been lyin on a sista! mississippi gotdamn!

what's a girl to do? confront the rat or just let it go, knowing that the rat is a hatin' a** hater?

what say ya'll?