so this is a recollection of stories seen, heard, observed, and everything in between.
So, a co-worker shared a story that occured a few months ago... As she and her boyfriend were plannig for their recent vacay to Mexico. Now her boyfriend - Taylor*, likes to shower her with gifts. So, in preparation for the trip, he purchased a dress from Bebe. So, the sales associate embarks on the attack...
"Wow-how sweet that you're shopping for you Mother."
"Uhh-not my mother - my girlfriend."
"Oh, so your girl is a size 6. Well next time when you shop for me, I'm a size 4."
"No, thanks. I like my woman with some meat!"
That's right Taylor shut that b*sh down. Women are funnny!
Now a few weeks ago I attended a wedding. The bride has only one sister. So, after the nuptials, when it was time to take pictures. The bride's sister refused to be in any of the pictures. Her logic was given the fact that she snapped a few pics, she was occupied with that endeavor. I must be Boo-boo the fool as my manicurist would say 'cuz you snapped a FEW pics and commenced to smoked your cigar (outside in the hot a$$ sun). But folks, the sister is just mad and bitter. See bitter sister has been a girlfriend for 17 years and counting and the bride married her boyfriend in 5 years. So sister reckons she can be selfish?
Women are funny!
Now there's a friend, Kai, who has a daughter and she and the child's father, TJ, have since moved on. TJ is married and Kai is in a long-term relationship. But for some reason her TJ's-wife wants them to besties. She invites her to all functions, tries to friend her on Facebook, etc. Now Kai is cool-she prefers relationships of the organic variety. Just let it flow, not some manufactured situation. And TJ's wife, Vanesssa, doesn't realize that Kai has peeped her game. There have been times when Vanessa has been insecure and prompted TJ to "choose" between she and his daughter. what are you talkin' bout Bellini Well, back when Kai and TJ were a couple he showered her with some trinkets from Tiffanys and Co... and Vanessa became inadvertently aware since one of her stepdaughter's trinkets formerly belonged to Kai. So, when Valentine's Day rolled around and the daughter asked TJ to take her to Tiffany's so she could buy her Mom her Valentine's Day gift - Vanessa went ballistic! Vanessa informed her husband "doesn't she have enough from Tiffanys!?" Well, I'll stay in the car while you two do that." Alrighty then.
Women are funnny!
And thank God, Bellini is nothing like that...
cheers,
Bellini
Showing posts with label women folks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women folks. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Just Passing It Along
Heeeeeeeeeey ya'll! Sorry for not posting last week, and sorry for not really posting this week; but it's just been crazy in my personal and work life here lately-and it would take many a blog-that I am too slouthful to write-to get all my feelings and obeservations out in a way that doesn't portray me as a ranting and raving lunatic. And I say all dat to say, Imma do better by ya'll next month!
So, my coworker sent me the following email today and I thought it was pretty interesting in the ha ha ha ho ho ho way-and that's probably because it was a welcomed distraction from work. Not that Mr. Tazz Daddy is wrong, I think women need more insights from non female or gay male friends on the inner workings of masculine mind-but it's like just when I thought all I needed to know was how to cook, save money, find a bargain, balance a checkbook, give back to my community, love the Lord and be a good sistergirl friend and a regular ole girlfriend-I get this. What he mean that I can no longer have Beyonce as my life coach? Say whaaaaaaaaaat?
15 Things All Black Women Should Know
1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a bitch, but we damn sure know the difference between a bitch and a lady. It would behoove you to conduct yourself in a positive manner. We don’t have time for a lot of slick talking, unnecessary debate.
2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title. When we choose a mate, were more concerned with how they act, and if they’re able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how you look; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.
3. We can’t stand your hair weaves! We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull it during sex. So many of you start off with such long beautiful hair, and then the very next week it brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles us; it makes us feel like you never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!
4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you. We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us.
5. No Black Man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women. This man is a professional comedian who is backed up by Oprah Winfrey. How can you believe advice from a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me giving diet tips!
6. We know the difference between a wife and a jumpoff. We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a "good woman" you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself.
7. Its true: All Men Are Dogs! What you fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees! It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bull’s. Depending on the pedigree some dogs are loyal, and some dogs are wayward much that you should never touch because you could catch something: like rabies!
8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us. Where women mess up, is by thinking that we mean that we want a slave, or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines, who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.
9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage! Many of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know including myself. And that goes double for your male "best friend". This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!
10. Sex and children are not weapons! If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly does not want to be with you but has no choice, because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.
11. Mind games never work! Even if you manage to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of your manipulation and he will resent you for it. Thinking that you are slicker than a can of oil, can only lead you to slip up! Men respect women who can be open and honest with them! After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?
12. don’t go through our phones, our computers or through our cars without our permission. When you choose to become a private detective in your relationship/marriage, you’re telling us that you don’t have any trust in us at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You are not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure are not Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and addressed him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.
13. If you have one or more friends who is a slut, most men will tend to believe that you probably are a slut as well. While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how man’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your "friend" who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend who does not take care of his children. Or about as much sense as a man who has a friend who cheats on his wife. If your woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you would question us the same way that we would question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.
14. Don’t Listen to the Media! As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out of about Black men and Black women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: Ratings! The media is in the business of Ratings, Revenue & Entertainment, not in the business of serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the "Down Low"! Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your "Knight in shining armor" may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner. If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!
15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach! In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists have made these "Women’s Empowerment Anthems" that have led women to believe that they can throw us "to the left". Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you "bust the windows out of our cars", we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a "Sponsor", and Honestly Believe That "If We Liked It Then We Should’ve Put a Ring on it", then you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! to us what we hear one and say that she wants a "sponsor", we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we Love you, we will "put a ring on it", and not a minute before where ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most of you are failing to realize is that she is a very Happily Married Woman! Beyoncé is also the woman who wrote the song "Cater to You", but for some strange reason you don’t go around quoting that one!
Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it came to Black women. I hope you take this letter and the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women.
Your love, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.
Tazz Daddy is an Award Winning Cultural Specialist, Radio Personality, Lecturer and Author. His latest book: "Common Sense Ain’t Common", is available for pre-order at the "books" tab at http://TazzDaddy.com/
So is there anything that you just don't agree with? Do you have a #16 or a list of things all men should know about women? Care and share it here!
See You In Seven
So, my coworker sent me the following email today and I thought it was pretty interesting in the ha ha ha ho ho ho way-and that's probably because it was a welcomed distraction from work. Not that Mr. Tazz Daddy is wrong, I think women need more insights from non female or gay male friends on the inner workings of masculine mind-but it's like just when I thought all I needed to know was how to cook, save money, find a bargain, balance a checkbook, give back to my community, love the Lord and be a good sistergirl friend and a regular ole girlfriend-I get this. What he mean that I can no longer have Beyonce as my life coach? Say whaaaaaaaaaat?
15 Things All Black Women Should Know
1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a bitch, but we damn sure know the difference between a bitch and a lady. It would behoove you to conduct yourself in a positive manner. We don’t have time for a lot of slick talking, unnecessary debate.
2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title. When we choose a mate, were more concerned with how they act, and if they’re able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how you look; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.
3. We can’t stand your hair weaves! We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull it during sex. So many of you start off with such long beautiful hair, and then the very next week it brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles us; it makes us feel like you never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!
4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you. We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us.
5. No Black Man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women. This man is a professional comedian who is backed up by Oprah Winfrey. How can you believe advice from a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me giving diet tips!
6. We know the difference between a wife and a jumpoff. We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a "good woman" you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself.
7. Its true: All Men Are Dogs! What you fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees! It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bull’s. Depending on the pedigree some dogs are loyal, and some dogs are wayward much that you should never touch because you could catch something: like rabies!
8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us. Where women mess up, is by thinking that we mean that we want a slave, or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines, who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.
9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage! Many of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know including myself. And that goes double for your male "best friend". This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!
10. Sex and children are not weapons! If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly does not want to be with you but has no choice, because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.
11. Mind games never work! Even if you manage to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of your manipulation and he will resent you for it. Thinking that you are slicker than a can of oil, can only lead you to slip up! Men respect women who can be open and honest with them! After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?
12. don’t go through our phones, our computers or through our cars without our permission. When you choose to become a private detective in your relationship/marriage, you’re telling us that you don’t have any trust in us at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You are not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure are not Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and addressed him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.
13. If you have one or more friends who is a slut, most men will tend to believe that you probably are a slut as well. While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how man’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your "friend" who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend who does not take care of his children. Or about as much sense as a man who has a friend who cheats on his wife. If your woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you would question us the same way that we would question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.
14. Don’t Listen to the Media! As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out of about Black men and Black women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: Ratings! The media is in the business of Ratings, Revenue & Entertainment, not in the business of serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the "Down Low"! Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your "Knight in shining armor" may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner. If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!
15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach! In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists have made these "Women’s Empowerment Anthems" that have led women to believe that they can throw us "to the left". Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you "bust the windows out of our cars", we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a "Sponsor", and Honestly Believe That "If We Liked It Then We Should’ve Put a Ring on it", then you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! to us what we hear one and say that she wants a "sponsor", we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we Love you, we will "put a ring on it", and not a minute before where ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most of you are failing to realize is that she is a very Happily Married Woman! Beyoncé is also the woman who wrote the song "Cater to You", but for some strange reason you don’t go around quoting that one!
Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it came to Black women. I hope you take this letter and the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women.
Your love, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.
Tazz Daddy is an Award Winning Cultural Specialist, Radio Personality, Lecturer and Author. His latest book: "Common Sense Ain’t Common", is available for pre-order at the "books" tab at http://TazzDaddy.com/
So is there anything that you just don't agree with? Do you have a #16 or a list of things all men should know about women? Care and share it here!
See You In Seven
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Know When To Hold 'Em
You say that your favorite restaurant cost $30 dollars a plate. The financially stable, 10 years your senior, “great” older guy your mutual friend set you up with says his favorite restaurant is IHOP. Despite this, you agree to go out on a date with this man. The time and date have been set. But he doesn’t show, nor call. Later he explains that he was detained at church because he’s teaching the youth at vacation Bible school. You accept this apology because who doesn’t want a religious man who cares for the kids?! And so you plan to make a date for later that week for 5pm. At 2 pm on date day you haven’t heard from him to confirm your plans. 7 days later you still haven’t heard from him, but you are still contemplating contacting him, because he did casually mention once that he likes to go on road trips to Kentucky. So maybe…
Put the phone down I shout from the rooftops!
Sadly this is dating tale of a middle aged single mother who divorced her husband several years ago. Now if you are thinking she’s stupid, crazy or at least clueless I would have to agree. All these adjectives aptly describe this family friend who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Determined to be in a relationship or die trying to get into one and make it work, she’s had her fair share of heartache and headache. But darn women and our Mrs. Fix-It, I can do it, see me roaring, I can turn ashy into classy selves! Because to me, there is nothing in this scenario to hold on to. You’ve been stood up twice, he likes to eat microwaved pancakes and hardly cooked potato hash browns… but because your friend said he was “great” you want to *67 your phone number, call, and see if he answers? Put the phone down!
I know scientists are busy growing people in Petri dishes and finding cures for cancer and such, but could they please do just a study on the emotional plight of the single woman? Starting with our online dating profiles that say we are well read, love to travel and have the cutest hairless cat named “Fluffy”.
Put the phone down I shout from the rooftops!
Sadly this is dating tale of a middle aged single mother who divorced her husband several years ago. Now if you are thinking she’s stupid, crazy or at least clueless I would have to agree. All these adjectives aptly describe this family friend who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Determined to be in a relationship or die trying to get into one and make it work, she’s had her fair share of heartache and headache. But darn women and our Mrs. Fix-It, I can do it, see me roaring, I can turn ashy into classy selves! Because to me, there is nothing in this scenario to hold on to. You’ve been stood up twice, he likes to eat microwaved pancakes and hardly cooked potato hash browns… but because your friend said he was “great” you want to *67 your phone number, call, and see if he answers? Put the phone down!
I know scientists are busy growing people in Petri dishes and finding cures for cancer and such, but could they please do just a study on the emotional plight of the single woman? Starting with our online dating profiles that say we are well read, love to travel and have the cutest hairless cat named “Fluffy”.
Because somewhere there is a reason why we do the voodoo that we do do, or at least why we’ve all gone slightly insane at the altar of men. Why we can accept a man’s excuse for not following through for the umpteenth time, but can cuss our kids because they ask for candy? I think scientists have concluded that’s it just easier to zap a cancer cell than to understand the inner mental workings of one woman, forget trying to figure out more than that!
But this middle aged woman has many dating stories similar to this. Two different men she met online texted to state they couldn’t answer the phone when she called because they lost their voice. Another one, who was recently widowed said that he couldn’t make a date because his in-laws need him to do things at their house. And yet another man from New York said that he didn’t like that she wore weave. I mean really guy from New York? You can’t tell me you haven’t been with a woman who wore false hair before!
But instead of shaking them off and moving on, she keeps holding on and hoping. And just like Old Yeller, I wish someone would shoot her out back in the shed, not because I don’t want her to live, but she’s has gone mad in this endless loop of wondering why he isn’t calling her anymore. And she’s become a danger to herself. Maybe my greater wish is that these men would ball up and tell her straight, with no chaser that they simply aren’t interested. A guy did that to me once, and it hurt like heck-but it was worth every tear. I’ve changed my mind. Scientists should do a study on men and confrontation with their women folk-they seem to avoid it, often-and I’d like to know what’s up with that! I think family friend lady should have known at IHOP that he just wasn’t the “great” man for her. How much easier it would have been to just let it go and walk away.
See You In Seven
But this middle aged woman has many dating stories similar to this. Two different men she met online texted to state they couldn’t answer the phone when she called because they lost their voice. Another one, who was recently widowed said that he couldn’t make a date because his in-laws need him to do things at their house. And yet another man from New York said that he didn’t like that she wore weave. I mean really guy from New York? You can’t tell me you haven’t been with a woman who wore false hair before!
But instead of shaking them off and moving on, she keeps holding on and hoping. And just like Old Yeller, I wish someone would shoot her out back in the shed, not because I don’t want her to live, but she’s has gone mad in this endless loop of wondering why he isn’t calling her anymore. And she’s become a danger to herself. Maybe my greater wish is that these men would ball up and tell her straight, with no chaser that they simply aren’t interested. A guy did that to me once, and it hurt like heck-but it was worth every tear. I’ve changed my mind. Scientists should do a study on men and confrontation with their women folk-they seem to avoid it, often-and I’d like to know what’s up with that! I think family friend lady should have known at IHOP that he just wasn’t the “great” man for her. How much easier it would have been to just let it go and walk away.
See You In Seven
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Leaving An Impression
I don’t know about ya’ll, but when I get to heaven I have a few questions that Imma need to ask. Aside from the meaning of life, why is the sky blue and who shot JFK…I just really need to know why God made men and women so undeniably different! I know a billion books have been written on this subject, but I must know how the sexes are supposed to communicate with each other when we view and process this world so differently. If the question is what is a healthy side dish-I’m saying a tossed spinach salad with the dressing on the side and he’s saying doubled fried French fries. His qualifier-that vegetables are healthy and a potato is a vegetable. Is he wrong? No. But is he right? Still no. I wondered about this communication disconnect before, but since hanging out with a male on a regular basis I feel like there must be some inside joke that no one on this side of life has been privy to the punch line. Lord, you got to let me in on the joke, because I’m not understanding!
Picture this: Fight Party 2010. The couple hosting the party invited an assortment of friends. Folks from church, work and around the way all convening with the ghetto and the fabulous! The great equalizer food, drinks and half naked men hitting each other. For any single lady this was one of those golden opportunities to meet and greet a summer boo. So these chicks come in with their low cut shirts, thigh high dresses. They have on 3” heels and oodles of makeup. Just looking too fly…in someone’s townhouse!
So after the party I’m talking to my friend about the sights and sounds of the party. I’m giving him all sorts of back story about this woman named Nigeria who I feel doesn’t really like me for whatever reason and I finally had the chance to point her out to him. So I go Nigeria is the girl who had on the blue dress.
Him: Who’s Nigeria?
Me: The girl who had on the blue dress.
Him: I don’t know who you are talking about. When did she get there?
Me: Really? Cause she was there the whole time. You know that one who was dancing by herself to the music?
Him: *puzzled face*
Me: Nigeria! Blue dress!
Him: Oh the one with the big hips?
Me: Um, yes! Nigeria.
Him: Oh. I thought you were talking about the retarded looking girl.
Me: *internal dialog with self: was the retarded looking girl wearing a blue dress?! Heck no!*
I mean at that point I could have stabbed him with a plastic spoon! I understand that men are some times color blind…but a blue dress is a blue dress. And up until this conversation I thought men being visual included all things visual, but maybe it’s just the body parts that leave a mark on the minds of men folk. And in his defense Nigeria’s hips are usually one the first things people notice because they are enormous! But because folks are raised right and learn to speak through filters, I know not to comment on such things.
At any rate my friend went on to explain that men don’t really notice clothing. They notice how you carry yourself, if you are clean, etc and what you are working with. But who or what you got on-they careth not. So the light bulb came on and I was like basically women are just dressing for each other? And he was like, exactly. And maybe this is true across the board for men folk except for the Kanye’s and Fonzworth Bentleys of the world… Or maybe this is just for my friend. But I know now that if I want to point a chick out to him I better describe her face, butt or breast…otherwise he just didn’t notice, or at least has no idea what I am talking about. Ba-dump-ching.
See You In Seven
Picture this: Fight Party 2010. The couple hosting the party invited an assortment of friends. Folks from church, work and around the way all convening with the ghetto and the fabulous! The great equalizer food, drinks and half naked men hitting each other. For any single lady this was one of those golden opportunities to meet and greet a summer boo. So these chicks come in with their low cut shirts, thigh high dresses. They have on 3” heels and oodles of makeup. Just looking too fly…in someone’s townhouse!
So after the party I’m talking to my friend about the sights and sounds of the party. I’m giving him all sorts of back story about this woman named Nigeria who I feel doesn’t really like me for whatever reason and I finally had the chance to point her out to him. So I go Nigeria is the girl who had on the blue dress.
Him: Who’s Nigeria?
Me: The girl who had on the blue dress.
Him: I don’t know who you are talking about. When did she get there?
Me: Really? Cause she was there the whole time. You know that one who was dancing by herself to the music?
Him: *puzzled face*
Me: Nigeria! Blue dress!
Him: Oh the one with the big hips?
Me: Um, yes! Nigeria.
Him: Oh. I thought you were talking about the retarded looking girl.
Me: *internal dialog with self: was the retarded looking girl wearing a blue dress?! Heck no!*
I mean at that point I could have stabbed him with a plastic spoon! I understand that men are some times color blind…but a blue dress is a blue dress. And up until this conversation I thought men being visual included all things visual, but maybe it’s just the body parts that leave a mark on the minds of men folk. And in his defense Nigeria’s hips are usually one the first things people notice because they are enormous! But because folks are raised right and learn to speak through filters, I know not to comment on such things.
At any rate my friend went on to explain that men don’t really notice clothing. They notice how you carry yourself, if you are clean, etc and what you are working with. But who or what you got on-they careth not. So the light bulb came on and I was like basically women are just dressing for each other? And he was like, exactly. And maybe this is true across the board for men folk except for the Kanye’s and Fonzworth Bentleys of the world… Or maybe this is just for my friend. But I know now that if I want to point a chick out to him I better describe her face, butt or breast…otherwise he just didn’t notice, or at least has no idea what I am talking about. Ba-dump-ching.
See You In Seven
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Dressed to Impress
Sometimes, when I’m walking down the street taking in the sights, I see a lady wearing an outfit that gives me pause. And I pause because it is not the type of outfit that is urbanely put together. It is not the type of outfit that I covet, or one that I would see in today’s fashion magazines. It’s the type of outfit that causes me to ask if this chick has any friends. Not girls she happens to know, but friends, true friends who don’t sugarcoat but will call her out and hold her accountable. And a friend would do that, because a genuine friend is a person who has your best interest at heart and in mind. A friend would have pulled over the 28 chick who loves to wear bright spandex pants and tiny baby tees when she always looks pregnant that looser material would best suit her body type and insist that she change her clothes! And 28 is her size by the way, not her age!
No matter how PC America gets let’s not play ourselves into thinking that it’s what’s on the inside that always counts. We all know that it doesn’t. Especially not when you first meet people and they have no idea that you have a great personality and have willed your entire fortune to an African orphanage. I’m not just talking about how important your appearance is in getting a job, duh we know that! I’m talking about on the relationship level! Ask any dude about his initial impressions about a woman, and sure enough he’ll mention something about her appearance. Not just the T&A, the waist ratio or even the cute face factors. But dudes notice what she wore and how she carried herself. I think Mr. David Chappelle said it best when attempting to explain the thoughts of men…okay you are not a whore, but you do have on the uniform!
Um can the preacher get an Amen and maybe a boom chaka laka?! So chick don’t be mad when he just calls you for the booty!
So why, when I entered the good District of Columbia in hopes to find something to eat last night, did I spy a woman standing at the bus stop wearing a leopard print sleeveless top? This was cool cause it warm out and animal print in moderation is fashionable. But then she had the nerve to have on some school bus yellow spandex pants with a burnout cheetah print! Lawd have mercy upon us! I know that you good readers of the 5 spot have no idea the image I have in my mind as I type this from my desk. And really it’s hard for me to find the adjectives that aptly describe this woman’s assemble, but trust me the vision was enough to drive a person Oedipal, at least the eye gouging part. The image was enough that I am forgoing doing work to type about it!
When I realized that woman, who was fearfully and wonderfully made was going for a wild animal theme I wondered WTF? She was not a small woman, nor a very young woman, or a woman just going out to pick up the newspaper from her front stoop. Who she was trying to attract? Surely not a man with some sense, job, bank account or even all his teeth! But the question truly was, where in the world where her friends? Even if birds of a feather do flock together, she was just extra wrong enough for someone to have said something to her…even if it were merely a girl stop!
And these wrong-n-extra chicks are everywhere! And I’m confused if they are really confident or just so low on self esteem that it just don’t matter no mo!
Last month, Rum, Dark & Stormy, Courvoisier and I were at a night establishment, enjoying some music and chicken wings…when this 28 girl walked in wearing a short, short short Catholic school pleated skirt, pink polo tee and a backpack purse! After we got past the wrongness of the outfit we parked ourselves at the fact that who wears backpack purses in 2009 who are over the age of 12 and when it ain’t designer? The answer is NO ONE! But backpack purse aside I was mad at her friend. The one who was more decently dressed, the one who was encouraging her girl to get all extra low with it, so at times goodies where displayed to the masses. I was mad at the friend who kind of chuckled like the rest of us when her friend went past having a good time and was pretty much the fool of the night!
And now I wonder, what kind of friend does that?
See You In Seven
No matter how PC America gets let’s not play ourselves into thinking that it’s what’s on the inside that always counts. We all know that it doesn’t. Especially not when you first meet people and they have no idea that you have a great personality and have willed your entire fortune to an African orphanage. I’m not just talking about how important your appearance is in getting a job, duh we know that! I’m talking about on the relationship level! Ask any dude about his initial impressions about a woman, and sure enough he’ll mention something about her appearance. Not just the T&A, the waist ratio or even the cute face factors. But dudes notice what she wore and how she carried herself. I think Mr. David Chappelle said it best when attempting to explain the thoughts of men…okay you are not a whore, but you do have on the uniform!
Um can the preacher get an Amen and maybe a boom chaka laka?! So chick don’t be mad when he just calls you for the booty!
So why, when I entered the good District of Columbia in hopes to find something to eat last night, did I spy a woman standing at the bus stop wearing a leopard print sleeveless top? This was cool cause it warm out and animal print in moderation is fashionable. But then she had the nerve to have on some school bus yellow spandex pants with a burnout cheetah print! Lawd have mercy upon us! I know that you good readers of the 5 spot have no idea the image I have in my mind as I type this from my desk. And really it’s hard for me to find the adjectives that aptly describe this woman’s assemble, but trust me the vision was enough to drive a person Oedipal, at least the eye gouging part. The image was enough that I am forgoing doing work to type about it!
When I realized that woman, who was fearfully and wonderfully made was going for a wild animal theme I wondered WTF? She was not a small woman, nor a very young woman, or a woman just going out to pick up the newspaper from her front stoop. Who she was trying to attract? Surely not a man with some sense, job, bank account or even all his teeth! But the question truly was, where in the world where her friends? Even if birds of a feather do flock together, she was just extra wrong enough for someone to have said something to her…even if it were merely a girl stop!
And these wrong-n-extra chicks are everywhere! And I’m confused if they are really confident or just so low on self esteem that it just don’t matter no mo!
Last month, Rum, Dark & Stormy, Courvoisier and I were at a night establishment, enjoying some music and chicken wings…when this 28 girl walked in wearing a short, short short Catholic school pleated skirt, pink polo tee and a backpack purse! After we got past the wrongness of the outfit we parked ourselves at the fact that who wears backpack purses in 2009 who are over the age of 12 and when it ain’t designer? The answer is NO ONE! But backpack purse aside I was mad at her friend. The one who was more decently dressed, the one who was encouraging her girl to get all extra low with it, so at times goodies where displayed to the masses. I was mad at the friend who kind of chuckled like the rest of us when her friend went past having a good time and was pretty much the fool of the night!
And now I wonder, what kind of friend does that?
See You In Seven
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Foot-N-Mouth Disease
I am one of the millions of people who suffer from Foot-N-Mouth disease, an illness that seems to afflict women more often than men. I first realized I had this problem while hanging out at Rum Punch’s church when we were in high school. A fellow male church member, who I felt was quite easy on the eyes, came over to talk to her about church bizzness. When he left I told Rum P. that I thought he was very attractive, but how difficult his life was going to be because he was soooo short. And no, I did not whisper…that would have been too much like right. So when Rum P. told me that this short sexy fella’s mother was sitting right next to us, I really couldn’t apologize for telling the truth. There was nothing else I could do aside from open my mouth and insert my foot.
Now over the years I think I have learned to control my disease using tact and politeness, at least I hope I have. To have my mom tell it, I have always been very opinionated. But I like to think that when I am dispensing my views to others I think they know I ain’t trying to be mean, just trying to be helpful not hurtful. And usually I prescribe my opinion pills will a spoonful of sugar (usually a smile or a back pat) to help them go down a little bit easier.
But on Sunday I had another flare up of my disease. My new, wise and older male friend has repeatedly expressed dissatisfaction with his job and life after comparing himself with other folks. It is his belief that he should be further along in life. Well ya’ll know how it is when someone you care about keeps talking about the same thing over and over and over again. I mean you care, but you also just want to tell them to poop or just get off the pot already! And since I am not a therapist, but tend to play one in my real life…I gave him a few suggestions on how he could be a better man. Yeah I know. Aside from giving him inspirational stories from the history of Black folks in America a la from slaves to CEOs, I gave my own tale of how I made it…and then I say things like: “Why don’t you…” “You need to…” “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting something different…” I wasn’t trying to emasculate…but he thought I was wielding a knife in my hand.
And while numerous times he said I was right, I don’t think he was ready to hear what I had to say…especially coming from me, a younger woman he is attracted to, and as a person who hasn’t know him from way back when. I don’t even know the things he’s had to endure or is enduring on a daily basis. And while I was coming from a helpful place, he could have seen me as being mean and critical.
But it wasn’t until my phone call rang twice and went straight to voicemail that I thought that maybe, just possibly my foot had snuck back into my mouth again. And as I wrote my apology text message, that progressively grew into a full fledge email, I realized that I wasn’t sorry for what I said…but moreso if he was hurt by what I said. I guess I’ll know for sure if or when he accepts my apology. So until then, Dr. Amaretto is out of business until her foot can be surgically removed from her mouth…
See You In Seven
Now over the years I think I have learned to control my disease using tact and politeness, at least I hope I have. To have my mom tell it, I have always been very opinionated. But I like to think that when I am dispensing my views to others I think they know I ain’t trying to be mean, just trying to be helpful not hurtful. And usually I prescribe my opinion pills will a spoonful of sugar (usually a smile or a back pat) to help them go down a little bit easier.
But on Sunday I had another flare up of my disease. My new, wise and older male friend has repeatedly expressed dissatisfaction with his job and life after comparing himself with other folks. It is his belief that he should be further along in life. Well ya’ll know how it is when someone you care about keeps talking about the same thing over and over and over again. I mean you care, but you also just want to tell them to poop or just get off the pot already! And since I am not a therapist, but tend to play one in my real life…I gave him a few suggestions on how he could be a better man. Yeah I know. Aside from giving him inspirational stories from the history of Black folks in America a la from slaves to CEOs, I gave my own tale of how I made it…and then I say things like: “Why don’t you…” “You need to…” “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting something different…” I wasn’t trying to emasculate…but he thought I was wielding a knife in my hand.
And while numerous times he said I was right, I don’t think he was ready to hear what I had to say…especially coming from me, a younger woman he is attracted to, and as a person who hasn’t know him from way back when. I don’t even know the things he’s had to endure or is enduring on a daily basis. And while I was coming from a helpful place, he could have seen me as being mean and critical.
But it wasn’t until my phone call rang twice and went straight to voicemail that I thought that maybe, just possibly my foot had snuck back into my mouth again. And as I wrote my apology text message, that progressively grew into a full fledge email, I realized that I wasn’t sorry for what I said…but moreso if he was hurt by what I said. I guess I’ll know for sure if or when he accepts my apology. So until then, Dr. Amaretto is out of business until her foot can be surgically removed from her mouth…
See You In Seven
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Stuff Movies are Made Of
Okay, so on Saturday three of my gal pals and I saw He’s Just Not That Into You. Um wow, can I just say if it weren’t for the fact that we were four black women who enjoy talking during a movie…you know adding our on commentary and whatnot…that movie would have totally sucked! Well not totally, it was long, and it was about four white women and their adventures in dating and loving-including a chick who put herself out there waaaaaaaaaaay too much for dudes. Another chick who was living her love life online. And yet another chick who’s been living with her boyfriend for 7 years because he doesn’t believe in marriage. Saaaaaaaay what? Doesn’t believe in marriage? So despite those crazy scenarios that I’m sure women of all races and creeds can find themselves in… the scene that brought it home for me was the opening scene. Picture this, a little girl playing in the sand, spies the boy she likes walking towards her, he pushes her down (a la Chris Brown style), calls her outside her name (a la any hip hop song de jour), and walks off. Little girl left in tears runs and tells her momma all that occurs and then her momma attempts to comfort by explaining this boy’s behavior. Her momma says: Do you know why he did that? It’s because he likes you. And that ladies and few gentlemen who read the 5 spot is the problem with women folks! Chicks giving other chicks advice on how men think. Um, would you ask a thousandaire how to be a billionaire? Uh no, because it’s stupid! But that’s what women do.
Come go with me back to the tenth grade. I had the biggest, nastiest, most unholy crush on a Mister S. Smith. S-dot was in 11th grade and because I am a genius we were in the same chemistry class. Man, just thinking about S-dot today takes me back to a place when I was so young and so foolish and soooooooo in high school. Anytime I would see S-dot I would smile…not that coy crap-we are talking full out Kool-aid grin! This was also when I learned of my vast stalker potential (a potential most chicks are born with). Like hanging out in the lobby of the building that he lived in…just in case I would see him. Learning his class schedule so I could adjust my walk to classes accordingly. Just making sure that he saw me, without it being obvious that I had made it so we would run into each other. Coming to his basketball games wearing a “I love S-dot” tee shirt. I mean I course I didn’t wear the T-shirt but I was at his games, watching him run up and down that court. Oh Yes! S-dot had some nice arms and calves. Dizzaum!
Okay, I’m sorry I’m back. But the moral of the story is that I started liking S-dot because he would make fun of me. That’s right…he made jokes about me and in my chick mind that meant he wanted to be my boo. He came up with this song implying that I gave blow jobs for 50 cents during my lunch break. I mean this dude totally objectified me. And I spent countless hours with my best friend trying to figure out why? Did he call me a ho because he liked me? Did he call my house and play on my phone because he wanted to take me to homecoming? Did he torment me because he thought I was all that and a bag of chips…even though some other chick was his girlfriend? Ugh! The craziness that women folk entertain in their minds!
Best friend and I concluded that he did in fact like me, I mean why else would he torment me so? But the problem with the S-dot situation and even the with little girl playing in the sandbox was that our collective women folk minds refused to accept the fact that maybe they are just jerks for asshole sake. Because it’s clear that if a man is into you he’s going to make it happen, and he’s going to do it in a way that doesn’t leave you to ponder your self worth. It’s not going to take a team of Mensa members to figure it out. If a man wants a woman, even if he’s the most shy of them all, he’s going to make it clear. I have realized with older age and being pursued by decent men; that they have no problem expressing themselves. It’s just that women folks have a problem waiting and truly listening to what they are saying. We are quick to make excuses for our fellas whilst we wait for that date or that ring. I mean even the Bible states that a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing, not the other way around. I mean chicks shouldn’t be doing this. Why? Because we have an uncanny way of a turning no good, rotten, asshole mofo man into our freaking Prince Charming.
Oh how many heart aches could have been avoided, and strategizing conversations not have been exhausted if only we women folk had realized sooner that the little boy in the sandbox or our S-dot was no good for us?
See You In Seven
Come go with me back to the tenth grade. I had the biggest, nastiest, most unholy crush on a Mister S. Smith. S-dot was in 11th grade and because I am a genius we were in the same chemistry class. Man, just thinking about S-dot today takes me back to a place when I was so young and so foolish and soooooooo in high school. Anytime I would see S-dot I would smile…not that coy crap-we are talking full out Kool-aid grin! This was also when I learned of my vast stalker potential (a potential most chicks are born with). Like hanging out in the lobby of the building that he lived in…just in case I would see him. Learning his class schedule so I could adjust my walk to classes accordingly. Just making sure that he saw me, without it being obvious that I had made it so we would run into each other. Coming to his basketball games wearing a “I love S-dot” tee shirt. I mean I course I didn’t wear the T-shirt but I was at his games, watching him run up and down that court. Oh Yes! S-dot had some nice arms and calves. Dizzaum!
Okay, I’m sorry I’m back. But the moral of the story is that I started liking S-dot because he would make fun of me. That’s right…he made jokes about me and in my chick mind that meant he wanted to be my boo. He came up with this song implying that I gave blow jobs for 50 cents during my lunch break. I mean this dude totally objectified me. And I spent countless hours with my best friend trying to figure out why? Did he call me a ho because he liked me? Did he call my house and play on my phone because he wanted to take me to homecoming? Did he torment me because he thought I was all that and a bag of chips…even though some other chick was his girlfriend? Ugh! The craziness that women folk entertain in their minds!
Best friend and I concluded that he did in fact like me, I mean why else would he torment me so? But the problem with the S-dot situation and even the with little girl playing in the sandbox was that our collective women folk minds refused to accept the fact that maybe they are just jerks for asshole sake. Because it’s clear that if a man is into you he’s going to make it happen, and he’s going to do it in a way that doesn’t leave you to ponder your self worth. It’s not going to take a team of Mensa members to figure it out. If a man wants a woman, even if he’s the most shy of them all, he’s going to make it clear. I have realized with older age and being pursued by decent men; that they have no problem expressing themselves. It’s just that women folks have a problem waiting and truly listening to what they are saying. We are quick to make excuses for our fellas whilst we wait for that date or that ring. I mean even the Bible states that a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing, not the other way around. I mean chicks shouldn’t be doing this. Why? Because we have an uncanny way of a turning no good, rotten, asshole mofo man into our freaking Prince Charming.
Oh how many heart aches could have been avoided, and strategizing conversations not have been exhausted if only we women folk had realized sooner that the little boy in the sandbox or our S-dot was no good for us?
See You In Seven
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Is You Is, Or Is You Ain't My Baby?
Nestled in between Gossip Girl and any paternity episode of Maury lies my guilty pleasure show-CHEATERS. I love this show! And admitting it makes me feel like I kind of suck as a person… but I can’t deny that there is something fascinating when watching a person who suspects their significant other is stepping out on them, and them enlisting the help of Cheaters’ detectives to procure evidence. And for rating’s sake the host shows the jilted lover video of their love one in the arms of another over and over and over, with added commentary like “This was the day they told you they couldn’t meet because they were taking granny to the doctor!” This of course leads to bestest part of the show…the confrontation! The cheater never sees it coming, but when the cameras show up with the person that they were suppose to remain faithful to the censors go to work…You ain’t *beep* you limp *beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeep*! It, in a word is, awesome.
But more often than not Cheaters is a show for women. Most female folk today are carrying around the notion that even a good man can have some no good in him, which is a fallacy until it’s true. But there are times when there are men on Cheaters suspecting that their lady is messing around, which makes the show a bit more interesting. And I say this because while I am aware that women are also human, and can therefore cheat, society has taught me that its not as common and that boys will be boys. And so seeing a man cry because his heart is broken still has a train wreck affect on me...I must look, I must watch!
So in sharing my love for the show Cheaters with my Y-chromosome friend, he gave me some perspective on cheating between the sexes-his view from there, if you will. He had recently participated in a pow-wow session with some of his boys, probably after a football game, and these men got to talking about how when a woman cheats it’s often worse than when a man cheats. No one denied that cheating was generally horrible in a committed relationship, but while men often cheat because they see something loverly before them…women cheat because they are emotionally tied to their new lover, so while the man’s moment was fleeting a woman remains emotionally connected.
Hmmmmm. Interesting eh?
I thought so, because I could see his point. Of course there are exceptions to every rule-I know there are some bold and brazen, Samantha Jones type women out there who can view sex as just a biological fluid exchange. But for the most part women emote and are looking for a connection before they grant a man entry. And because of this fact, my friend stated that it’s usually something that their man is or isn’t doing that allows for another man to enter her heart with compliments, candy and conversation. And it’s the conversation that causes the heart to flutter and the feelings to grow intense, to the point that a cheating woman can find herself bound within a relationship, while a cheating man-after two pumps and a squirt-can keep it moving.
I think we can all agree that relationships with folks can be difficult and trying, but is it worse when a woman strays away from home? Even if she’s driven to do so by her man, because she often assumes the role of a nurturer in a relationship does her infidelity have a greater detriment to all involved? And in a world of imbalance and double standards, its it wrong to say that the same wrong committed by two sexes is somehow different?
Why aren't there any songs about men busting windows out of cars?
See You In Seven
But more often than not Cheaters is a show for women. Most female folk today are carrying around the notion that even a good man can have some no good in him, which is a fallacy until it’s true. But there are times when there are men on Cheaters suspecting that their lady is messing around, which makes the show a bit more interesting. And I say this because while I am aware that women are also human, and can therefore cheat, society has taught me that its not as common and that boys will be boys. And so seeing a man cry because his heart is broken still has a train wreck affect on me...I must look, I must watch!
So in sharing my love for the show Cheaters with my Y-chromosome friend, he gave me some perspective on cheating between the sexes-his view from there, if you will. He had recently participated in a pow-wow session with some of his boys, probably after a football game, and these men got to talking about how when a woman cheats it’s often worse than when a man cheats. No one denied that cheating was generally horrible in a committed relationship, but while men often cheat because they see something loverly before them…women cheat because they are emotionally tied to their new lover, so while the man’s moment was fleeting a woman remains emotionally connected.
Hmmmmm. Interesting eh?
I thought so, because I could see his point. Of course there are exceptions to every rule-I know there are some bold and brazen, Samantha Jones type women out there who can view sex as just a biological fluid exchange. But for the most part women emote and are looking for a connection before they grant a man entry. And because of this fact, my friend stated that it’s usually something that their man is or isn’t doing that allows for another man to enter her heart with compliments, candy and conversation. And it’s the conversation that causes the heart to flutter and the feelings to grow intense, to the point that a cheating woman can find herself bound within a relationship, while a cheating man-after two pumps and a squirt-can keep it moving.
I think we can all agree that relationships with folks can be difficult and trying, but is it worse when a woman strays away from home? Even if she’s driven to do so by her man, because she often assumes the role of a nurturer in a relationship does her infidelity have a greater detriment to all involved? And in a world of imbalance and double standards, its it wrong to say that the same wrong committed by two sexes is somehow different?
Why aren't there any songs about men busting windows out of cars?
See You In Seven
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Just Friends...and Not Lovers?
A girl I know recently planned a weekend solo trip to Vegas in December. And while most of us single gals are willing to take on the world alone, we still ask a friend to tag along just in case. So this girl, let’s just call her Natalie asked the male friend she’s known since they were making mud pies in the sandbox to come along for a weekend of debauchery and Cirque de Soleil, to which he was more than willing to agree to. So I said to Natalie that this was beginning to sound like a storyboard for a “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” commercial-two longtime friends alone in Sin city! Blowing on each other’s dice! To which Natalie scoffed because for as long as I’ve known her she’s sworn that she and her friend are strictly friends and never once has she had the thought of taking it to the next level. And the thought quite honestly makes her sick to her stomach. So me being the fun person that I am, inquired that what if he’s been secretly in love with her all these years, and has been waiting in the wings for the chance to cross the line… I think Natalie was queasy at this point as she went on to say that she could never imagine herself walking down the aisle to her friend…but no one is talking about marriage, just fcuking a friend who has known you since you were brace faced and acne riddled.
You see folks, I find it very hard to believe that males and females can just be friends; so Natalie-n-friend just doesn’t make any sense to me. I guess because, for me myself personally I don’t have any male friends who have just been my friend. Not saying that every male I know wants to do me…but of the males who I have spent time with, let them get to see Amaretto with all the rights and privileges that that entails…there was always that one moment or one conversation when nerve was mustered and a proposition was made. Please don’t get me wrong, I have male friends now that I can hang out with and shoot the breeze with…but our relationship was formed after my shock wore off and I was like “Dude? Really? We’re just friends.” And into the friend zone we go…
And I’d totally be playing myself if I didn’t admit that there are several of these same fellas that I decide to spend my time with that I have thought about in more than the platonic way. Doesn’t the old adage state the friends make the best lovers? So who better to fantasize about than the guy who can make you laugh, helped you bury your skeletons, knows you are crazy and still sticks around? And so knowing of my own secretly lustful thoughts about some of the fellas I know, Natalie claiming that thinking of her friend in that way makes her sick is a fact that’s hard for me to believe, let alone buy.
I think I need to give Natalie a copy of When Harry Met Sally. Can men and women just be friends? It seems to be the question we all ask ourselves after we ponder why we are here on Earth. I think that there was always a moment when one person in a multi-gender friendship felt that Platonic was a four letter word that block them from possibly the best relationship they could have ever had.
I am of the thinking that everyone has thought about poking or being poked by their buddy of the opposite sex at least once…right?
See You In Seven
You see folks, I find it very hard to believe that males and females can just be friends; so Natalie-n-friend just doesn’t make any sense to me. I guess because, for me myself personally I don’t have any male friends who have just been my friend. Not saying that every male I know wants to do me…but of the males who I have spent time with, let them get to see Amaretto with all the rights and privileges that that entails…there was always that one moment or one conversation when nerve was mustered and a proposition was made. Please don’t get me wrong, I have male friends now that I can hang out with and shoot the breeze with…but our relationship was formed after my shock wore off and I was like “Dude? Really? We’re just friends.” And into the friend zone we go…
And I’d totally be playing myself if I didn’t admit that there are several of these same fellas that I decide to spend my time with that I have thought about in more than the platonic way. Doesn’t the old adage state the friends make the best lovers? So who better to fantasize about than the guy who can make you laugh, helped you bury your skeletons, knows you are crazy and still sticks around? And so knowing of my own secretly lustful thoughts about some of the fellas I know, Natalie claiming that thinking of her friend in that way makes her sick is a fact that’s hard for me to believe, let alone buy.
I think I need to give Natalie a copy of When Harry Met Sally. Can men and women just be friends? It seems to be the question we all ask ourselves after we ponder why we are here on Earth. I think that there was always a moment when one person in a multi-gender friendship felt that Platonic was a four letter word that block them from possibly the best relationship they could have ever had.
I am of the thinking that everyone has thought about poking or being poked by their buddy of the opposite sex at least once…right?
See You In Seven
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A Rite of Passage
This weekend I realized that my little 15 year old cousin has become a woman. Not in the had a period, can get pregnant from sex kind of way; but in exhibiting Typical Grown Woman Craziness Behavior because of the foolishness of a male type of way.
We were at our grandma’s house this weekend and I heard her on the phone asking her friend “Did you read it yet? What did you think?” Of course my curiosity was piqued, and so I asked her what was going on in her world. She explained that once again she and her boyfriend had broken up but this time she decided to write him a letter.
Oh lawd! Why oh why women do we get to scribing our feelings on paper? Especially in an age of textassness, email, and the KISS method. But from Aalyiah’s 4 page letter to the 18 page letter Rachel wrote to Ross (front and back), it seems that us women folk have a lot to say…and maybe its because we don’t feel our male counterparts hear us when we talk and so we hope against all hope that if we say it in writing they’ll get it.
Well, when sharing my letter writing philosophy with a male friend he essentially crapped all of my theory and told me that even in writing he gleans everything he needs from what is said in the first paragraph, so why bother reading the rest? Say what now? The first paragraph?! In my letters I haven’t even made my point yet in the first paragraph. Shooooot, I’m still talking about feelings and I haven’t let my inner lawyer come to the forefront to state my case. In the first paragraph I haven’t yet explained why I feel this way or that, or how I wish I knew your feelings, want you to share your feelings, stop talking to your momma so much, tell your boys you’ll get at them the next time, tell me I’m beautiful every morning, and…well ya’ll get the drift.
So I realized that my cousin had become grown when, in telling me about her letter she told me that she didn’t get all crazy with him. Had her best friend read it first to give her stamp of approval. But most importantly she had evidence to back up everything she was saying. That’s right EVIDENCE! When we women folk get pen to hand (or sit in front of computer), suddenly we remember Every.Single.Detail. of every single thing that’s happened since 1999. It’s something about letter writing in which we become determined to make the males in our lives Get It. Get why we are hurt, or disappointed, or angry. And get it to the point that they start caring enough to feel bad, or if they already feel bad to tell us.
But really, that’s a crazy expectation. Because what sane person really wants to have a conversation with a person who has thrown everything they’ve ever done wrong in life back in their face. Yet that’s what most women folk want. We want to talk it out, have a conversation and maybe an admission of something…like guilt. But it’s easier to just live with guilt, ignore and avoid…in hopes that thing will blow over eventually, than to deal with stuff head on.
So when I asked little cuz the other day if ole boy responded to her, she said no. And she doesn’t even care anymore. And well, I can't say I was surprised by any of it. All I could think was that my cousin was now aware of something that she wasn't before.
Welcome to womanhood!
See You In Seven
We were at our grandma’s house this weekend and I heard her on the phone asking her friend “Did you read it yet? What did you think?” Of course my curiosity was piqued, and so I asked her what was going on in her world. She explained that once again she and her boyfriend had broken up but this time she decided to write him a letter.
Oh lawd! Why oh why women do we get to scribing our feelings on paper? Especially in an age of textassness, email, and the KISS method. But from Aalyiah’s 4 page letter to the 18 page letter Rachel wrote to Ross (front and back), it seems that us women folk have a lot to say…and maybe its because we don’t feel our male counterparts hear us when we talk and so we hope against all hope that if we say it in writing they’ll get it.
Well, when sharing my letter writing philosophy with a male friend he essentially crapped all of my theory and told me that even in writing he gleans everything he needs from what is said in the first paragraph, so why bother reading the rest? Say what now? The first paragraph?! In my letters I haven’t even made my point yet in the first paragraph. Shooooot, I’m still talking about feelings and I haven’t let my inner lawyer come to the forefront to state my case. In the first paragraph I haven’t yet explained why I feel this way or that, or how I wish I knew your feelings, want you to share your feelings, stop talking to your momma so much, tell your boys you’ll get at them the next time, tell me I’m beautiful every morning, and…well ya’ll get the drift.
So I realized that my cousin had become grown when, in telling me about her letter she told me that she didn’t get all crazy with him. Had her best friend read it first to give her stamp of approval. But most importantly she had evidence to back up everything she was saying. That’s right EVIDENCE! When we women folk get pen to hand (or sit in front of computer), suddenly we remember Every.Single.Detail. of every single thing that’s happened since 1999. It’s something about letter writing in which we become determined to make the males in our lives Get It. Get why we are hurt, or disappointed, or angry. And get it to the point that they start caring enough to feel bad, or if they already feel bad to tell us.
But really, that’s a crazy expectation. Because what sane person really wants to have a conversation with a person who has thrown everything they’ve ever done wrong in life back in their face. Yet that’s what most women folk want. We want to talk it out, have a conversation and maybe an admission of something…like guilt. But it’s easier to just live with guilt, ignore and avoid…in hopes that thing will blow over eventually, than to deal with stuff head on.
So when I asked little cuz the other day if ole boy responded to her, she said no. And she doesn’t even care anymore. And well, I can't say I was surprised by any of it. All I could think was that my cousin was now aware of something that she wasn't before.
Welcome to womanhood!
See You In Seven
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