she and your man pt 2 (or link of the week)

so a few weeks ago, i wrote about cheating with married men. and double standards. and alicia keys.

i wondered where was the outrage for ms. keys for her goings on wit swizz beats. and wouldn't you know it a few days later, mashonda came wit the "truth." like mmmmmmhmmmm, told i knew there was more to this story!

but before i could write a brilliant post about it, the champ over at verysmartbrothas.com beat me to the punch. i must admit he did a much better job than i would have and managed to incorporate the title of one of the greatest romantic comedies ever made.

r&b antistar mashonda put alicia keys on twast (twitter blast) for pursuing a relationship with mashonda’s husband, swizz beatz.

inspired by a note on keys’ twitter account asking “in love, is it better to go for the choice that is smart or the choice that has spark?”, mashonda fired back, accusing the poor man’s beyonce of (paraphrasing) “extreme and blatant selfishiness for openly pursuing a man that’s married with children”. she also implied that keys’ music makes her a hypocrite and a fraud, since theres nothing empowering or pro-woman about boning another woman’s husband.

source: vsb.com

basically mashonda told alicia bout her self in the sweetest sugar honey iced tea way. but also acknowledged that every adult in the triangle had a role to play. including alicia keys. i don't know her personally but from my point of view, the outsider of the marriage needs to fall back. way back. no matter how strong the attraction. how unlike anything you've ever felt before it feels. if it's meant to be then taking a moment to breath and let the married party get their ducks and divorces in a row won't make it not so. it might just take a little longer.

an anonymous commenter to my last post said it best:

Preoccupation with society's inequitable treatment of adulterers (who said that?) is really beside the point and probably not worth trying to comprehend when establishing your own standards and conduct. Legal separation, to me, is not merely administrative. Rather, it is a transient and very personal stage of a couple's relationship - much like engagement - during which I would not recommend the intentional introduction of a third party. A commitment as significant as marriage is worth an exercise in patience and self-control for all currently and prospectively involved.

listen up alicia. and now, according to missjia.com, alicia has the nerve to launch a new blog to "uplift women and increase positivity" titled IAmSuperwoman.com. *blank stare*

i'm gon go a head and tell ya'll i was never feelin' alicia keys anyway. i'm a bit of a hater.
but what say ya'll?

she and your man

they say men cheat because there are always women out there who will cheat with them. of course we know and understand that men also cheat because they can, because they think they won't get caught or just because it's Friday night. but the other woman remains a necessary and indispensable component of any man's cheating endeavors.

the other woman leaves a bad taste in every one's mouth. when there are women who are willing and able to cross that line, there is little that can be added to the picture to make it better in our minds. they separated; they don't sleep together no more; she don't give him none; he filed for divorce; he just there for the kids; they aint lived together for years; and on and on. at the end of the day it always returns to the same sentiment: don't fuck wit other people shit.

on the other side of this thang, i know what it's like to meet someone who you really click with, who are attracted to, got that fiyah for and discover that he is married (or separated). some women know this information upfront. but still want to (and do) proceed to gettin it in. women complicate things when they begin to think "what if this is the man of my dreams?" unfortunately boo boo, right now he's still the man of someone else's dreams or at least he used to be.

most women feel some kinda way about the other woman. you will get that deadly side eye if you tell your best homegirl that your boo's divorce will be final any day now. you might get ex-communicated from the family if they know you f'in wit another woman's husband. it just aint right. ever. ever?

why does it become right when the man got a lil' change in his pocket?

photo courtesy of essence.com

essence magazine, the black woman's affirmation to all that is right and good in our world, features a reputed husband stealer on this month's cover. in the article, she goes hard against the "hateful" bloggers who paint her as the other woman and even filed a lawsuit against a woman who wrote an anonymous letter to several bloggers putting gabby on blast for messing with her husband. gabby claimed that the woman's claims were downright lies but at the article's end admits that she's off to miami to see her still married boo.

why is it less blast worthy when it's alicia keys?

photo courtesy of theybf.com

she took swizz beats right from under mishonda's nose. and denied it still to this day. claiming that she was dating her manager instead. yet alicia doesn't recieve the full brunt of the celebrity bloggers wrath the way that gabrielle does. what's up wit that?

if alicia and gabby were regular "other" women sneaking around with the average married black man, wifey and her homegirls would be rolling up to their doors to give them a few choice words (slaps and slashes too!) but these women are lauded as our sheroes. is the message that these women and men are different because they are rich? or that it's okay because the men are separated from their wives? is it ever okay to date a married/separated man? or should one wait until the ink dries on the divorce decree?

what say ya'll?

Okay Girlfriend...

You are daydreaming about the latest and greatest man in your life. This dude has a great personality, can make you laugh until your stomach aches, loves his momma, listens and actually hears what you have to say, and is a sexy motha--I'm shutting my mouth! Long walks have turned into movies and plays on Saturdays, cruising to the Roots and eating passion fruit...well ya'll know Jill's song. As you allow yourself to think about having a future together your cell phone rings and it's his name on display! You guys must be on some ESP, truly meant to be, soulmate type thing because you were just thinking about him! And so you answer with all the excitement that a coincidence like this incites: "Hey Boo! I was just thinking about you!" but then you hear someone, who ain't Boo, ask you "Who's this? And why are you in my man's phone?" Ummmm. Whatcha mean your man?"

And so begins the Woman to Woman conversation...

While she tells her tale of how they have been together for a minute, have plans to buy a house, have a baby on the way and just went halfsies on an ice cream sundae-you start to feel OH SO FOOLISH! She explains that she just was going through his phone, because she just had to see-and you get to thinking about all those restrictions on his time. You couldn't have dinner because he had to help his cousin Ray-Ray move. Ya'll couldn't go to New York for the weekend because he had to drop moms off at the airport on Friday and pick her up on Saturday. You couldn't share your own freakin' ice cream sundae because he was busy finding a cure for cancer. And how about all your calls between 8pm and midnight that went straight to voicemail, and when he finally did call you back didn't it sound like he was speaking in hushed tones...in the bathroom? Naaaaaaw, you told yourself-he's just sounds like that when he's tired. And as the girlfriend continues about the life they have built together anger is growing inside of you because this "man" had you in some compromising positions. Maybe one that required knee pads, others that you ain't never done for nobody else! And had you known...well, far too many females have been here.

For me, when I was younger and dumber, it was Chris's girlfriend of several years who heralded the story of them to me. So I told her everything! Who I was, how we met, and what we did, and clearly how he lied to us both. She said thanks. There were no death threats, hair pulling or plans to come up to my job so we could settle this in a good ole cat fight. I got lucky, no drama. He, on the other hand had the nerve to call me and ask me why I told her anything (insert your favorite series of expletives here). Excuuuuuuuuuse me? Is there some manual for when you find out that you're the side piece?! I've got one friend getting text messages from a wife on Sunday morning, to which my friend could only text "Sorry, I didn't know." And I've got another friend who opted not to tell the girlfriend the truth. And then foolishly invites the girlfriend to coffee and expressed her "sincere" desire that the two could become friends. Clearly when one realizes they're not supposed to exist responses will vary. And as for me, there were a few more chapters in the Chris and Amaretto book even after this point...but like I said I was dumb then.

As the conversation concludes the girlfriend and I both wonder what the hell just happened. She's been checking his phone, email, and waking up at ungodly hours to drive by his house just to see if some other chick has slept over. Girlfriend has been digging for weeks and has finally found me. She's been trying to save a relationship while losing her sanity. And after hearing all of this I'm feeling more sorry for her than for me.

Okay girlfriend...I feel you. I'm sorry he ain't no good!

But then I wonder why she didn't talk to him before calling me...

See You in Seven