video of the week

so you think you can dance "discovers" nola bounce.



enjoy!

he's gotta big ego...

So a few weeks ago, I was at the hair salon and I came upon Essence magazine featuring Mary J on the cover. In these tight financial times, a recently laid off editor, producer, or some similar profession lamented about his dating woes. Not the fact that he couldn’t get a date, but rather the devaluation of his ego per his diminished assets.

Basically, when the brother had a job he had no qualms spending $300 a week on dinners, top shelf liquor, opera tix, etc. And now with a dwindling account, he feels obligated to treat his lady friends to those some pre- unemployment experiences. And yet he can’t fully afford the outings. Yet he expresses discomfort when his lady friends opt to subsidize a portion of the outing. he’s gotta big ego He even went so far to share that during a date (dinner & movie I think) he couldn’t afford the movie tix and was embarrassed when his lady friend purchased the movie tix, yet at ticket counter date passed the tix to him to present to the ticket counter and his ego was inflated again. This is thoroughly disturbing to me. I read the article, thinking is it that serious.

What happened to jaunts in Central Park? Showcases at the art gallery? Spoken word viewings? I mean everything doesn’t carry a price tag. And why is your manhood tied to money. I found his story to be a bit disturbing. Men is it that serious. Clearly Bellini is an outsider looking in? personally I like a man who’s more on the frugal side—I am telling my bizness? enough! Am I missing some underlying point? enlighten me fellas

I wonder if he was a husband and underwent the same dynamics with his wife would he still feel the same way considering that’s his partner and all. And should he feel the same way with his wife?

I just found out a lil’ unsettling that the guy appeared to tie too much value to the frequency he’s able to dispense his funds. After all it’s a recession, horde your funds!

cheers,

Bellini

Adults Only

So a funny thing happened when I asked my Dad to gift me some money for this piece of property I am trying to acquire with da bank. He asked if the young man he met at the property over the weekend would be moving in as well. Um seriously, daddy?! Hell no! There are no rings, and at less than 700 square feet I am essentially living in a closet. And beyond all that-he’s got his own and I don’t do stupid trash like that! But my dad simply stated that you never know and he as a father and me being his only child-just had to ask. And I guess so, because in these days and times women often suspend logic, reason, good and common sense all to make relationships work.

Rum’s post had me popping my neck saying all sorts of hell no’s I’ll never stand with a foolish man…when for real for real you never know what you are or aren’t going to do until you are in that situation, until you have become part of a we. But then again, there are some things that you just know about yourself. Just like if I am a well to do woman I think it will be hard for me not to see if Target has something on Sale. Even if I can support a 3rd world country with the money in my bank account it will be hard for me to pay full price for things…but we shall see right?

I’ve concluded that this relationship thing is more art than science, there are no if/then clauses when dealing with folks. But I just love watching the legal eagle judge shows in which a teary eyed young woman pleads her case against Mister Shiftless, Mister Baby I just thought it was a gift, Mister I’m going to live in your place but cheat in your bed because we never sign no papers. Girl what were you thinking? Was he worth the sacrifice? As a good Pastor said on Saturday night, folks should stop playing house after age 5! Preeeeach! Because when you live this life, work your job, try to make a dollar out of 15 cents you realize its hard out here for pimps and regular folk alike. While I don’t have a problem helping someone out if they catch me right after payday, I do have a problem with you showing up on my doorstep every other Friday cause that’s when we get paid.

We? Um nope, it’s just me.

While I am not building houses or saving lives for a living, it takes a lot for me to get up in the morning, get dressed and shuck and jive with the man and my coworkers to get my little check. It takes a lot for me to act how a must and not how I feel, and keep my internal monologue internal. To go along to get along in the world of working. It takes a lot when you realize that you do need to work to live and you just can’t quit because the job sucks like you did when you were 16. Cause that’s what this real adult thing is about- having responsibilities and not complaining about it because who doesn’t? And maturity often causes us to slay our whining and helps us to learn to deal with life responsibly.

I assured my dad that I stopped playing house a loooooong time ago. And then I thanked him for helping me get further into adulthood!

See You In Seven

The Booty Text

Dear Courvoisier,
Could you tell me whassup with the random “I miss u” text in the middle of the night?
No-Textin’ Betty

No-Textin’ Betty,

Ahhh! This is definitely an interesting one. I personally am not a fan of the stexting. In fact, I couldn’t take any dude seriously if the main form of our communication was text messaging. Are you serious? How impersonal.

But I can see how it makes playing the field easy. For example, those random “I miss you… I want see you tonight” text that comes out of nowhere, are booty calls without the call. If you don’t know, now you know… it is call a mass booty call. It don’t get no better than that for the player. Even I, who don’t have the time for games has pulled this trick, minus the I miss you… more like “Whachudoing?”

So how does this work?

Well the first to respond with the most interesting offer you entertain. It is like a secret auction where only the seller can see the offers. (chuckle) Don’t fall privy to these.

If you aren’t interested in playing the game, don’t respond to the text. The no response text is the strongest message you could ever send. Otherwise don’t be surprised if the next message you receive is on some send me a picture of it… I miss it! I am never surprised at how low the negro will go.

Texting sometimes is the easiest way to keep a chic hanging on. Get over that baby-boo-sweety. Like a friend of mine says “text my name… text my name...” (chuckle)

Much luv until next week… peace :)
P.S. I don’t know what it is but I get ask the most no-brainer questions sometimes.

P.S.S. WOW! B's stage presence has come a long way!

Stand By Your Man?

So we had a church meeting last Sunday to discuss buying a house adjacent to the church property. If we bought the house, the church would to put it in simple terms, own the entire block. Now, for a majority of the church members, this seemed like an easy decision – at least buy the house, so you can have the land – cause like Oprah say, “land is the one thing God’s not making any more of.” But because we’re colored and humans beings who come in different shapes and sizes (heh), there were your naysayers.

So this one man, a major naysayer, takes the mic and goes on this crazy rant about how he has a problem with us wanting to "control the block” and then pretty much calls us racist (the reason why is a whole ‘nother story). Yeah the entire room was like huh? Excuse? Oh no he didn’t – we may be in church now, but wait till we get outside.

So anyway. Because we’re church folk dealing with money, there was more discussion than there ever needed to be. And then we finally voted by standing up. The yays went first. And then the nays. So of course major naysayer man stands up to vote no. And then in another pew, I see his wife standing. And I’m like, WORD?!? And I’m sitting there wondering, do you really agree with him lady or you just standing cause you don’t want him to look foolish on his own? Cause for real, only a handful of other folk voted no. And by handful, I mean 2 other people.

When I discussed this later on with my, been married for 36 years mama, she was all, “the wife had to stand. Cause she had to go home with that man. And so to keep the peace, sometimes you have to stand.” And then she continued with, “but please believe the whole church was thinking just what you were thinking.” Oh hell naw shawty, I say. Well not really, cause I don’t talk to my mama like that. But I did say, “Oh no. Ain’t no way I coulda stood in agreement on that mess. I woulda had to take him outside and we woulda had to have a come to Jesus moment in the bathroom." “No,” my mama said, “it don’t work like that.”

Say whaat?!? So much to learn! And I don’t even have any prospects to practice on. Tee hee. I told my mom and everyone else in the room, “Well then I ain’t ready.” Cause are you seriously telling me that I would have to put away some of my tongue clucking, neck rolling and ‘nygga you musta lost your mind if you think we gon…', just so we could look like a team? From the view from here, that don’t look right. From the view from here, this looks like a muzzle being put on my opinions and true feelings about a situation. Like I don't have a brain. Or an education. Or the right to vote. Lol. And from my single girl perspective I’m on some ain’t no way that I could ignore reason and common sense, just to boost my man’s ego. Just to support his point of view. Just to keep peace at home.

I mean of course there’s the possibility that she actually did agree with him. But something in my spirit tells me that she was trying to save face for him. That even if she thought that he was dead wrong, that at the end of the day, him means them. And them is a team. So if he's going down with the ship, she's going to have to at least throw him a life vest, so he doesn't drown –in public. But I wonder what happened on the ride home. Did she tell him, “ok you made your point, now you gon’ have to let this go?” Did she rub his back and say baby it'll be ok? Did she put it on him when they got home to take his mind off things? Heh. We see where my mind goes.

How do you navigate these choppy marital waters, knowing that making the "wrong", seemingly unsupportive decision could send y'all in a completely different difection? And when is it support and when is it looking like a fool? I guess the obvious answer is that you don't know what to do until you're in it for real. Until you're part of a team - and know the value of your team and don't want to have to make any trades. And so I guess there comes a time when every woman realizes to make it work, you betta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, when to walk away and when to run.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

she and your man pt 2 (or link of the week)

so a few weeks ago, i wrote about cheating with married men. and double standards. and alicia keys.

i wondered where was the outrage for ms. keys for her goings on wit swizz beats. and wouldn't you know it a few days later, mashonda came wit the "truth." like mmmmmmhmmmm, told i knew there was more to this story!

but before i could write a brilliant post about it, the champ over at verysmartbrothas.com beat me to the punch. i must admit he did a much better job than i would have and managed to incorporate the title of one of the greatest romantic comedies ever made.

r&b antistar mashonda put alicia keys on twast (twitter blast) for pursuing a relationship with mashonda’s husband, swizz beatz.

inspired by a note on keys’ twitter account asking “in love, is it better to go for the choice that is smart or the choice that has spark?”, mashonda fired back, accusing the poor man’s beyonce of (paraphrasing) “extreme and blatant selfishiness for openly pursuing a man that’s married with children”. she also implied that keys’ music makes her a hypocrite and a fraud, since theres nothing empowering or pro-woman about boning another woman’s husband.

source: vsb.com

basically mashonda told alicia bout her self in the sweetest sugar honey iced tea way. but also acknowledged that every adult in the triangle had a role to play. including alicia keys. i don't know her personally but from my point of view, the outsider of the marriage needs to fall back. way back. no matter how strong the attraction. how unlike anything you've ever felt before it feels. if it's meant to be then taking a moment to breath and let the married party get their ducks and divorces in a row won't make it not so. it might just take a little longer.

an anonymous commenter to my last post said it best:

Preoccupation with society's inequitable treatment of adulterers (who said that?) is really beside the point and probably not worth trying to comprehend when establishing your own standards and conduct. Legal separation, to me, is not merely administrative. Rather, it is a transient and very personal stage of a couple's relationship - much like engagement - during which I would not recommend the intentional introduction of a third party. A commitment as significant as marriage is worth an exercise in patience and self-control for all currently and prospectively involved.

listen up alicia. and now, according to missjia.com, alicia has the nerve to launch a new blog to "uplift women and increase positivity" titled IAmSuperwoman.com. *blank stare*

i'm gon go a head and tell ya'll i was never feelin' alicia keys anyway. i'm a bit of a hater.
but what say ya'll?

cause vs. cure

Recently, I’ve ventured to chuville and acquired services from my waxologist – Kimmichu. Now Kimmi has a wall of inspiration in her studio. This wall captures photos depicting moments in time that motivate her. On this wall, are a few celebrities. So, the topic centers around Diddy for a moment… Then Kimmi raises the question, “ Would you be the rebound?”

“Um, no”.

So, immediately my mind flashes back to the early ‘90s when I fell in love with my favorite movie of all time…. drumroll please….. Boomerang ….. ta da! Do ya remember how Halle damn forgot her screen name had to cure Marcus remembered Eddie’s screen name of Jacqueline (Robin Givens). Now, I share this with Kimmi and she highlights that being the cure has its advantages. But, I’m quick to remind her that being the cure only works if the timing is right in the man’s life to appreciate the goodness of you. It wasn’t that Halle was extraordinary special, rather Marcus was outsmarted at his own game. And being the loser at the game you think you’ve conceived is no fun. Literally, the world is flipped upside down. Marcus had had enough women prior to Jacqueline that his voracious appetite was satisfied at his ripe old age.

I have to remind Kimmi, the movie could have veered in a different direction.
Also, being the rebound is the equivalent of playing second fiddle to me. It ain't happening. To be somebody's anything other than #1 ain't working for me. Essentially, to be the rebound you have to acknowledge the fact that the man is hurting over his #1. Ain't no pity partner for you to party with over here shorty. Additionally, I go on to inform Kimmi I’m nice, but not that nice. And being the rebound is indication to me that you’re too nice or a damn fool. Well, Kimmi counters my response. She informs me that being the rebound allows the woman to repair the damaged goods, essentially be the cure. Hmmmm… semi-intriguing.

Since, I am not the cause for a man’s woes, I don’t want to be a pity partner. Bellini wants no part in that. Kimmi also suggests that she likes to be exposed to a man’s emotional side and when he’s down and out everything is on display. I really don’t see what’s intriguing about a man being emotional at the cause of another women. Bellini is not buying it. Homie go on and be sappy by yourself.

And here’s the thing that Kimmi and I didn’t have a chance to discuss. Why are woman attracted to a man when he’s damaged goods. Why can’t he already be in mint condition? There's nothing intriguing about expending energy to “cure” a man, especially when you ain’t the cause. You feel me? or not I don’t know, perhaps I have to mull over this topic some more and contemplate the ways. But I’m gonna need a few bellinis in the process.


cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Kimmi is real and so is chuville.
P.P.S. Thanks Kimmi for allowing me share our convo!