A Fantastic Journey

In Andre 3000’s low whisper, “ok here we go…”

I’m gonna try to do this without crying all over my keyboard. But honestly that’s quite a tall order cause this whole thing called The View From Here aka 5andapossible, aka The 5 Spot, is like whispering to your lover, “let’s make a baby,” then after surviving the labor pains of birthing said baby, raising it, chiding it, getting tired of it for being so damned needy and wanting your time and attention, going back to loving it again, and then finally having to let it go.

I have already written about the hows and the whys of the start of 5andapossible, so we shan’t go there today. But I can honestly say that three years ago when I stood in the bathroom doorway and mentioned the idea to my mother, only to be met with a confused look, followed by, “umm…ok,” when I then began asking my friends, “hey do you want to maybe write, like, this thing called a blog with me,” and then when us ladies finally gathered on that Labor Day Monday on my parents’ porch and debated blog names, pseudonyms, topics, and everything in between – I could have never, ever imagined all of this.

All the LOLs. And the chuckles. And the tee hees. The endless loops of laughter. The, “I really liked your post today” from one another. The comments left from strangers and friends. The readers. The debates. The arguments. The early morning conference calls and the rules we laid down at the very beginning. HA! The fact that we would pitifully re-enact our own version of The Five Heartbeats.

That we would fall in love and out of like. That we would lose jobs and gain homes. That we would have to get over that nygga and open our hearts again. That we would travel and party it up. That we would move on and learn how to keep going. That we would accept our callings and find our passions. That we would witness our first Black President and be a part of history. That our bond would be strengthened and tested. That we would dream for each other when someone was too damn tired of dreaming for herself. That we would encourage, congratulate and support. That we would share.

Share our stories. Our changes. Our thoughts. Our opinions. Our flaws. Our contradictions. Our mistakes. Our tears. Our joys. Our struggles with weight, men, love, jobs, co-workers, black folk, Obama, our mamas, each other, life itself. Ourselves. We shared ourselves.

And we found ourselves. We changed. Transformed. Blossomed. Grew up. Got grown. Became wiser. Rooted for each other. Got knocked on our asses. Prayed [and cried] through life’s blows. Praised God for life’s blessings. Learned lessons. Told stories. And as we prepare to enter another decade of life, we have made sure to leave room for improvement. For development. For whatever life brings next.

I called my very first post, A Fantastic Journey, just guessing, but not truly knowing what this blog thing was going to bring. And now, three years later I can honestly say that it was the best thing for me. This pushed me towards my purpose. And I can look back over these last three years and literally chronicle my growth. My stupidity. My a-ha moments. When I felt loved. And when I was hurt. My worry. My loneliness. My struggle and determination to find my place. What brought me joy. How I got over. And moved from mama n’em’s to my own house. How you can plan, but life has other plans. And what you do next makes all the difference. And damn, how three years can really fly by if you're not paying attention.

So, thanks to all the readers, the followers and the fans who have been with us during some or all of these three years – especially in the beginning when we were like, “is anybody out there?” Lol. But most importantly thanks ladies of The 5 Spot for taking the plunge, for writing [almost ;-)] every.single.week just because one day I asked you if you would, for opening up your lives and coming along for the ride. It’s been, truly, fantastic.

That’s my our time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

better late than never

for the past few months it's been damn near impossible for me to post here.  not for a lack of thoughts and feelings swirling through my head.  not because there hasn't been plenty work dramer to editorialize.  but mostly because i didn't have time.  or i didn't make the time.  seemed like most thursdays of late i had something better to do or somewhere better to be.  and now that we've come to the last post, i regret not having posted on those thursdays past.  because now there won't be anymore thursdays here.

as i looked over the 200 pages or so of what i've written here, i'm amazed at the things that i've shared.  at the secrets i've let slip.  at the raw emotions that i've expressed.  and i am forever grateful for the opportunity to have written here.  to have opened myself up to you, our anonymous 10 to 20 regular readers.  shouts out to mrs. meany for always reading and commenting and to that other girl from jersey for never commenting but always reading!

when we started out, i thought i'd write about legal things since that's what i do for a living.  but actually law related topics took up only a small portion of what i've contributed here.  it wasn't until amaretto shouted me out on wednesday  "for always defending love in all it’s forms!" that i thought ahhh yes, love is the thing!

it's the thing i struggle with expressing some times with friends and family.  it's the thing i hold on to so tight for fear that if i let it show, i will lose it, lose myself.  it's the thing i so often wish i'd said in that moment when i felt most angry or sad or overjoyed.  but that i held inside and thought about over and over again after i walked away.


the beauty of the 5spot is that it has allowed me to show it. even on my perpetually delayed timing.  whatever i have been through, if it stuck with me, kept me up at nights, made me want to tell somebody about it, i could do it here.  i could sit down, think it over, read it back to myself and realize what my true feelings were about it.  and then hit post.

so thank you 5spot.  thank you dark&stormy, couvoisier, amaretto, bellini and rum punch.   thank you for putting up with my quirky inability to capitalize properly.  thank you for reading even when i wasn't quite on schedule, but always on time.

i love ya'll!

This Is It!

This has to be one of the hardest posts I have ever written. Three years ago I sat at a similar work computer trying to come up with the words that would introduce Amaretto Jenkins to the blog world and this is what I came up with. Egads! It’s like looking at my 7th grade school picture, complete with lopsided ponytail, acne and braces! Sure it’s cute-ish but thank goodness for time changing things!

But I have certain fondness for my Cups Can Save Relationships post because it was the first one I had ever done. And not saying that this will be my last post ever-it will be my last one here *sniffle* and I feel like I should leave our loyal lone reader with something they can ponder in their mind and heart long after we shut the 5 Spot down. But boo hiss, nothing profound is coming to me! Today’s highlights have been getting cupcakes from the cupcake truck that rolls around DC. And, my coworker telling me that if the man she is dating had to go to the hospital today she wouldn’t know about it because his wife would be called instead of her. Ha ha ha! It’s not as random as it sounds ya’ll, she said he was sick last night. But is any of this blog worthy?

And yet that is the most wonderfulest thing about blogging! I could write whatever I wanted, whether folks agreed or even understood my view from here. This place has been where I have been able to sign on to talk foolishness, share my concerns, report some of my wonderful world of working missteps, find racism in the most basic of conversations and put some of my friends on blast by telling their business-only after I finessed some things Amaretto J. style to protect the innocent and guilty alike. And it’s been fun ya’ll!

Well sometimes it was more like Dang is it Tuesday already?! And I’d give evil virtual glances at Mint and Rum because they chose the latter days of the week when we were in the planning phase of this project…not that it matters because 7 days is 7 days-but it just seemed like they had more time. Dark & Stormy and Courvoisier know what I mean! But I’ve truly enjoyed reporting how I’m navigating my twenties with all it’s challenges (men folks), hopes (mo money please), fears (will I be the cat lady?) and debt (student loans suck)! And because I was accountable to 4 other people, blogging didn’t fall by the wayside (often), like when I attempted to keep my own diary. But with 30, Lord willingly, looming within next calendar year I think I need to write down my thoughts somewhere so I can reflect on the younger Amaretto, or at least have something to do and read when I’m bored at work.

It’s funny, in the ironic way, because I stayed having writer’s block-like every week! Yet it seems like there are so many things that I could and should write about. Like that cute baby I saw at church. Or laughing at season one of the Boondocks cause my friend got it on bootleg. Or how I contemplated stealing my neighbor’s cute little doggie yesterday. And what is going to happen to Bracky in 2012? What will I watch at 4pm after Oprah is gone? And I know you just want to know what I would do if the government ever gave me 40 acres and a mule! Oh, this life is filled with the mundane and the insane alike, but there just isn’t enough time to share it all.

And with that said I leave showcasing just a few of my favorites from my co-laborers…

To Dark & Stormy, for getting my week started with a laugh! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2007/12/ready-to-rumble.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/04/brother-do-right.html


To Bellini, for being my Wednesday morning Meet the Press! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/07/state-of-affairs-volii-education.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/11/he-ran-boston.html


To Mint Julep, for always defending love in all it’s forms! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/03/just-in-case-you-were-wondering-i-love.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/04/one-mogin.html


To Courvoisier, I know it wasn’t easy, but I loved your honest insights! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/11/everybody-is-healing.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2010/08/frowned-upon-but-exhilarating.html


And To Rum Punch, this was such a great idea girlfriend! To a lifetime of brilliance!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-not-your-superwoman.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/04/five-dope-girls-in-cadillac.html


So with that I say thank you to all! And a special thanks to our lone loyal reader for enduring when I stepped up on this soapbox and shared. Maybe in our forties we’ll all come back as Starbuck’s coffee drinks to share our views from there.

Until then,
See You In…
Well, until we meet again!

This Whole Experience...

And now it is time to say good bye to all our company, M-I-C... see you real soon, K-E-Y, why? because we like you. (chuckle)

For four weeks, I have been dreading this post because what I am suppose to say... for minute I thought it would probably be best to just post as normal about some arbitrary topic. It wasn't until I was driving home from DC that I realized... I can't do that! That would diminish the importance of this experience. Because when I really started to think about this whole experience, I thought "WOW! Since I have been spitting my thoughts every Monday, I have managed to become friends with some amazing gals!" I went from only knowing only 2 of the 5 and the possible to getting to know 3 other great women, who were going through some of the same craziness that I was going through. It is funny how you find comfort in numbers.

Something that started off as just a way get some feelings out, say a few things, talk some ish on a Monday... almost became like sunday brunch with your gal pals. It was like going out for drinks Sex in the City style, well you know without the drinks, the heels, you get my drift? Like late night sleep overs that we don't really do anymore because we grown a$$ women unless we sharing a hotel room, that we wish we still did. I never was one for sororities but was always a fan of the sisterhood once all the hazing was done. And that is exactly how I feel about my chicas at 5 and a possible. We may not all live in the same city or even chit chat with each other on the phone, but when we are in the each other's area... we always say whatsup!

What's up?

I can't speak for the other days of the week but I know that some how from just writing my thoughts and feeling out every week, reading and commenting your thoughts every week has some how drawn us together as friends. Which I have to admit is pretty awesome considering, I was reminded the other day that once you are past a certain age, you don't really make a lot of friends that will eventually become close friends. And I am going to have to agree.

This whole experience has been a GREAT one! Love you guys.... MUCH LUV and PEACE!!

A Meeting in the Ladies Room

Did y’all know that Questlove and Black Thought of the incredible Roots crew don’t really like each other? Yes, apparently Things Fall Apart was more than an album title – it describes their relationship. They got into a fistfight whilst overseas in like 1997 or 98 and have never been cool since. But obviously, professionally, they can come together to get the job done. And make that money, honey.

I thought of this when I was watching one of the greatest shows ever – aka Unsung! (On TVone for those of you who don't know). And they were focusing on Klymaxx, the all female band. Basically after years of struggling and putting out albums that went nowhere, they finally caught their big break, had some major hits and then…things fell apart.

There were hurt feelings. And backstabbing. And votes to kick people out the group being taken behind folks back. And people being put out the group. It was a HUGE mess. And it all boils down to the fact that women don’t like confrontation. Don’t want to be honest with each other. Can’t say to someone’s face, “I know you the lead singer, but your swole pregnant ass can’t be up here on stage with us anymore. And we definitely ain’t gon’ be totin no baby round on the road.”

Yes, it sounds harsh. But better to get it out now, instead of having things implode later.

So, admittedly, I have been watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well up until like two weeks ago before life got hectic). Yes, there will be time for you to judge me later. Anyway. One of the roommate’s on again, off again boyfriend who also lives in the house with them was going to the club and kissing other girls. Two other chicks in the house knew this. The chick kept asking them what he was doing at the club. They kept being evasive. And then came up with the brilliant plan to write her a letter detailing his transgressions. As if she wouldn’t know it was her.

But anyone with sense who was watching (but why would you watch if you had sense) was probably like me, screaming at their TV, and being like, “JUST BE A GROWN WOMAN ABOUT YOURS AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!” And then let the chips fall where they may. Let her pick up the pieces. Let her confront him. But be woman enough to have truth as the starting place.

I’m sure there is some research about women’s brains and biological make-up that I could find if it weren't so late that would say that we are “wired” to be more emotional vs. logical. And all that jazz. But I wonder how much farther along we could be as a gender if we put emotions aside, didn't take things so personal, and just got the job done.

As someone who works in an organization that is 99.9% (white) women, I've witnessed up close - the sidesteps, the pleasantries, the frenemies, the smile in your face talk bout you while you walk away, the under non performing co-workers who are kept on because managers are too nice and don't want to do the dirty work and fire anyone. And I've seen black women (myself included) try to take the more direct approach, to call 'em out on their bullish, only to be labeled as angry, threatening, non cooperative. And it's a frustrating existence filled with lots of what the fuss!

So maybe this is women's lot in life. To be too nice. To care too much about what others think. To be unable to dislike and still work beside each other. But I hope not.

I hope we can raise up a generation of girls who become women, who can look each other in the eye, speak their mind, keep it honest, and then either walk away or work it out - from the board room to ladies room.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

finding what matters

6 months ago, i hated where i worked.  really hated it.  i loved what i was doing but i hated the environment: a poorly managed frat house masquerading as a non-profit organization.  and so i did what i always do when i start to hate my environment.  i look for the next exit.  the quickest out.  i sent out a few resumes and prayed for a change.  i complained to rum punch and mentally checked out of the office.

and then nothing happened.  there was no quick escape hatch.  no job opportunities forthcoming.  and i realized i was stuck.  at least for the immediate future.  before when i wanted an out, i found one within a few months.  but the economy had other plans.  God had other plans. 

i had to deal with my environment in a totally new way.  putting the people aside, why was i here?  why did i come here?  to try cases and to help people fight off the oppressive weight of the criminal justice system.  and that's what i needed to do.  focus on those 2 things.  do those and nothing else.  become so good at those things that they couldn't tell me nothing.  tune out everything and everyone else.

now this hasn't been easy because my work environment is full of bitchassness and incompetence.  i curse a lot of people out in my mind.  i send sarcastic yet polite emails to all that highlight the ridiculousness that is office (mis)management.  i pretty much do my thing and keep it moving.

and this week i did my thing really well.  i had trial every day of the week and despite a brief moment of doubt (and a few unnecessary tears) i prevailed.  my clients prevailed.  it was the most exciting, exhilarating and mentally exhausting week of my career.   and i loved it.  i love what i do.  and that's the most important thing.

Undercovers

yaaaayyy.. it's humpday wednesday... and to get me through the day NBC will debut "Undercovers". Now if you know nothing else Bellini is a renaissance woman - check the bio to the right. And loves the underground. So the series debut of 'Undercovers' has me piqued because the premise is intriguing bump what the NY Times wrote i would link it- but I ain't trying to dignify simple s***. considering I visited the International Spy Museum not too long ago - I am a primed spectator for this event. And it doesn't hurt that Boris is a decent actor evident by 'Soul Food' Showtime series. Sorry don't know much about the British actress, Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Please watch, especially if it's good. There is a dearth of good television and this may ameliorate current conditions, until the 'The Game' is back!

back to Undercovers

The series premise led by two black espionage agents, Steven (Boris Kodjoe) and Samantha (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) Bloom own Bloom Catering and rejoin the CIA posing as caterers. OMG, there are so many story plots that can evolve from this situation. JJ Abrams do not screw this up. You know for the most part most television series based on espionage have been pretty good (i.e. 'Alias', '24', 'The Unit' and I slept on the Unit and it was too late!). Anyhoo - you should be in for a treat. Don't forget to tell me what you think.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. sorry about not providing the post on Chancellor Rhee and DC education, i need a raincheck