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-The Five Spot

Thursday, March 26, 2009

just in case you were wondering, i love you

last summer at my cousin's wedding reception she danced with her mama and her daddy to musiq soulchild's "Mother/Father." twas one of those classic wedding awwwww moments. and i thought to myself, when i get married, i want to dance to that song with my stepfather.

now me and my stepfather haven't always had the best relationship. he's one of those people who is stubborn and always thinks they are right about everything, and will tell you bout yourself even if you didn't ask to hear it. he wouldn't hesitate to tell one of my friends that she was gettin fat when she came by the house. or to point out to some dude i brought over to meet him that he didn't seem very bright (to his face!)

he irritated me to no end because he always seemed to think he knew what was best for meand he never listened to a word i had to say once he made up his mind. one time in particular he threatened to "wash his hands of me" if i didn't accept a full scholarship and go to famu like he decided i should instead of going to spelman, the school i'd been dreaming about for most of my high school years. nevermind that i wasn't asking him for a dime to fund my college education. he just wanted me to do what he said. and i just wanted his approval of my choice.

i was mad behind that for about a week or two before i decided that i only had a few more months of living in his house anyway. but over the years since then, with time and space between us, those hard feelings have given way to love and respect. for he has been one of the contsant encouragers in my life, even if i had to swallow a handful of nails before i got to the honey in his words.

he was the one who went down to my elementary school and demanded that they test me for the gifted and talented program because he noticed that i didn't seem challenged by my school work.

he was the one i could call when i was down to my last $100 during those couple of weeks at the end of the semester when the refund money had run dry.

he is the one who tells me that out of all of his children, he is most proud of me.

past differences aside, he has been the best father to me, better than my real father could ever hope to be. right now he's goin through something so heavy that i honestly don't know if i'll be able to dance with him at my wedding like i want to. i try to picture us there, in the middle of some grand hall, swaying softly to the music. memories of my debutante presentation give me a glimpse of what it could be like. i pray that he gets well but to my stepfather before I forget, thank you for all that you have been to me and just in case you are wondering I love you...

I know that our differencse caused us to waste so much of our time we could have used getting to know each and one another/But now that I've grown into my own and learned some things about life I now can see that it wasn't easy to raise someone like me.

I remember those days when you used to sit me down and try to school me about the plenty opportunities in life/Hoping and wishing and praying that something would stick and somehow click within this mind of mine/See you used to say, if you throw enough on the wall something is bound to rub off and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to really worry about me at all

There was no limit to all the things that you've done and would have for me my sister and I'll never understand how you would talk all day long and just as you said, in one ear and out the other/Isn't it funny how things change when you get older? (And you start to see things for yourself)/Now I know that I'll never find another love like yours inside anyone else

Mother-Father before I forget/Thank you for all that you have been to me and just in case you are wondering I love you...


Rum Punch said...

Breautiful! Sooo nice. I hope you share this with your step daddy!

JayBee said...

i agree. he needs to read this. that's one of my songs. mr. soulchild is oh so talented. that thing we talked about is fine now. pops called and handled things with the authorities for her. so where's the real pops? what's the hindrance to establishing a worthwhile positive realtionship with him? btw, how's the sis?

Bellini said...

another ahhhh... moment-- i'm on the brink of tears..

mint julep said...

@ rum punch, thanks honey! i definitely will send it to him. maybe it will encourage him how much we are worried for him to want to push on.

@ jaybee, glad the sitchy-achun was resolved. real pops is around, he calls me like every other day but i deal with him more as an old man who i'm fond of rather than my father. cause of his addictions and such he hasn't been able to even be a father. don't hold that against him just sorry for him, ya know. sis is good. will tell her you asked about her.

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful. I hope everything turns out alright with your stepdad.