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-The Five Spot

Thursday, July 30, 2009

i'm not a racist but...

i walked into court this morning to accept a new case assignment. this week has been that kinda week. i'm feeling overworked and unmotivated. tired and frustrated. like i am the worst lawyer in america.

i walk up to the defense table and ask my colleague, "have they called kenneth scott?"

and he points over to the sherriff's table.

kenneth scott = dirty lookin' white guy.

damn damn damn james.

i introduce myself to mr. scott and we walk outside to talk about his case.

and so the story of my life begins. new clients, cases, rinse, repeat. but after i watched him walk away i wondered, why do i always have that reaction with my white clients. as it happens the white ones are few and far between. but for some reason they just irk my nerves a lil bit more. like the one client i have who writes me a letter once a week from jail, telling me all the things i'm not doing on his case. and if i can send him all his documents cause he's gonna get himself a paid attorney.

as my officemate says, "don't threaten me with a good time."

on that same day i got the latest letter from mr. disgruntled white client, i also got one from mr. less than enthused black client. who questioned whether i or my investigators were doing anything on his case. that shit made me angry too. i'm working with 200 cases here. doing my best.

but as much as the black client blew me (my investigators have actually been working really hard on his case) my pissiedoffedness at him does not match the ire that i sometimes feel with my white clients. for some reason i think they need to have some white attorney and not me. that my skills and talents and time should be reserved for my people. black people. i know it's not fair. all God's children are precious in his sight but...

this is what i feel, sometimes, what i wonder, sometimes, in my mind.


Courvoisier said...

I personally don't think that is racist. In the past we have not had representation from our own kind, so it is understandable in this day and age you are more inclined to work with your own. Now if you worked less on the other cases and twice as hard on the ours well...

Anonymous said...

Yep, it is okay. Found myself doing the same thing at my job when I see white people walk in, but they are rude. If they are rude, I will automatically downgrade them to worm and won't do crap for them. Knowing they will get helped correctly by someone, just not me.