Mother-Daughter, Daughter-Girlfriend

When there are two strong personalities in a room… it is really hard for them not to clash. Someone has to take a back seat. Ever since, I was a child my mother always made it known that she IS the Queen B so that was my cue to take the backseat. Well when tall glass C is in the room, little C takes a back seat.

On this recent visit, my mother comments that I don’t seem like I am happy to see her. I am sitting here thinking and “what would that look like?” Not to be facetious but serious, “what would that look like?” Before every visit, I make plans (that you are aware of) to do something… GREAT plans… Mother-daughter bonding, new experiences plans but they never come to fruition because you intercept my first attempt. And determined as I am to try again, you always seem to shut it down. Can’t you see I am just trying to avoid answering the same exact question when you leave “How come we don’t do those things when I come to visit?”

There is no room for me to be me. The room is only but so big.

My friends and I, act as equals… we consult. Some personalities might be larger than others but we never over power. I don’t know what to tell you mother, other than I treasure the times we have together the best that I can. I apologize if you don’t see the same smiles on my face in person that you see in photos but after twenty plus odd years of training me to be the way that I am in your presence, I am NOT sure I even know how to be different around you. This is the same smile you saw when I was 6, 12 and 18.

For those of you who don’t know, I have two personas… no Sasha and b, but C and daughter A. Neither one of them is fake or unreal but daughter A is who my mother knows, who tall C is used to. C is not one to be ashamed of but believe me tall C could never handle C. So when tall C goes off on a tangent talking adult type conversations, i.e. divorce, baby making, etc. daughter A lets her rant and says nothing. Why? Because daughter A hardly EVER agrees but is respectful enough to not voice it. Tall C seems to think that because I come from her, that to disagree is to be disrespectful and we should on the same level. You can’t look for me to be your girlfriend now mother that was never nurtured from the beginning.

Now do I try and explain this to Tall C? Hell to the NO! What would be the point, so I smile and I say, of course I had a good time and it was great to see you; which is true. I treasure this relationship for what it is… I don’t expect to be anything else than what it is. Embrace the good aspects that we do share, the grass always looks greener on the other side. It is okay to hear a little something new about me when you talk to others that interact with me in a different setting. I am sure I would hear the same of you.

Much luv until next week… peace :)