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-The Five Spot

Thursday, May 6, 2010

first comes baby, then comes marriage

So this guy I used to know (and kick it with) is getting married in a few weeks. When I found out, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. Sure, marriage is the new black (along with bitches and bowties on bougie black men) but dude is 24. A young 24. A just outta college still trying to figure out his life 24.

And then I heard that his girlfriend was pregnant and that might be the reason for the quick nuptials. And I couldn't stop laughing. Cause this dude used to tell me how he wasn't ready for no kids, no serious relationships, no ties till he got into and finished grad school. Or maybe it was just me.

And he's not the only person I know rushing down the aisle after the boo came up preggers. I've heard a few stories about similar situations. But really!?! Where dey do dat at? The whole "we gots to get married cause we got ourselves pregnant by accident" thing.

First off, accidental pregnancies are the unicorns that people create to explain their inability to use the beaucoup forms of birth control available to them. If you are over the age of 25 (or even 21), you aint accidentally becoming pregnant. You want that baby, somewhere in the depths of your "I'm gon make this man marry me by having his baby" soul.

Secondly, why folks still rushing to the altar to hide an unseemly bastard child? It's 2010. We've seen enough marriages disintegrate after years of making it work till the kids go to college. Don't get me wrong. If ya'll love each other and were gonna do the damn thing at some point anyway, then getting all the way turnt up together for life is fine by me.

But marrying to erase the shame just seems so 1920's. Or 1980's. Or damn sure not 2010's. It just feels like NOT the best way to start a marriage. But what do I know? I've never been married or accidentally pregnant.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


Courvoisier said...

"...accidental pregnancies are the unicorns that people create to explain their inability to use the beaucoup forms of birth control available to them."

YES!! YES!!! So true!!

Anonymous said...

mint julep, interesting comment. you must remember that just because a guy tells you he is not ready for a relationship, doesn't mean he is telling you the truth. after all this guy got into a relationship after telling you as much... also i would be careful to pass judgment on other people's lives. maybe you should be happy that these black couples are getting married and perserving the black family, instead of leaving their responsibilities hanging in the wind. lastly, it IS 2010 so everyone does know that folks just don't get married cause they're having a baby. perhaps, perhaps these couples you speak of wanted to marry, perhaps they're in love, perhaps, they ALREADY had plans to marry and you didn't know (cause why would you know?). i would hope as a black and maybe single woman you would be happy for those who found someone, and wish the same for yourself, instead of critizing and throwing daggers

mint julep said...

@anon, you're absolutely right in one regard. Perhaps they had planned to be married all along. What do I know as an outside observer. Obviously (or maybe not) my post was a lil bit of a vent, releasing the bitterness and hurt I felt. A little blog therapy. Thanks for your comment.

mint julep said...

@anon, lemme clarify one point. I wasn't "critizing and throwing daggers." Venting yes. As I've written about before I'm just a wee bit tired of the accidental pregnancy trope. As a black (maybe single) woman in her late 20's I've never had it happen to me. And I've had my fair share of relations. Its just lazy and simple to blame it on the accidental, broken condom, failure to pull out. Like maybe they were gonna get married maybe he had promised her he would maybe they had a date set but come on son! Wrap it up, take the morning after pill. Be a responsible adult. Just as you plan other things in your life like your career moves and major purchases, plan for children. Its the best way for all parties involved. I guess I'm just tired of folks my age using that same excuse. Like you say, we need all the married black couples we can get in our community. But they should be happy and healthy too. And that takes planning. *drops the mic*