Dear Calvin,
I feel the need to call you by your gov’ment name cuz you seem to have lost yo gotdamn mind. Yesterday morning I was at the gym, on the treadmill, getting my run on and I like to bust my ass when your new video came on.
Damn. Damn. Damn. Calvin!
What were you thinking? I mean. Really. What were you thinking? What coulda possessed you to make such a horrid video? Now I had heard sensual seduction on the radio and although I wasn’t feelin it enough to upload it onto the ipod, I certainly didn’t hate it in the visceral way that I do now. This video just kilt it for me man. Kilt it.
Again I ask, what were you thinking? bout the only good thing bout it was that you can cut a rug like nobody's business, lookin like somebody daddy in the ol' people club doin the real two step But here's what I think you were up to...
You tryin to do it like my boy, Three Stacks…you know, Andre Benjamin aka Cupid Valentino aka Possum Aloysius Jenkins just in case you aint followin me.
But Calvin, Andre 3000 you are NOT!
Granted, back in 2003, some new initiants to the cult of Outkast were a lil put off by Hey Ya when it first came out. But I been setting sail with a nigga from ATL, southwest that is, it's that southern ces in yo chest that is for a while now. So I knew Dre was somethin’ special. And I knew he could not only pull off saingin and rappin but that he could do that shit so beautifully that folks would be talkin’ bout and tryin to imitate his swag for years to come.
So I guess I gotta take your horribly bad with his oh-so-wonderfully good. I mean, perhaps you thought all you’d have to do was throw in some sweet coochie references and that shit would be all good, we'd gobble it up like popeye's chicken and biscuits.
I thinks not.
He didn’t just throw on some clothes from the 60’s, press his hair out and make the shot look vintage. He had a story to tell, multiple characters, girls who weren’t half dressed, instrumentation, sex appeal, even cute lil kids dancin and most of all ACTUAL SAINGING TALENT! You have none of these.
So stop while you’re behind, way behind and go back to rapping. I love and appreciate you so much better when your verse starts with 1. 2. 3. and to da 4, snoop doggy dog and dr. dre is at da doo. I’d hate to have to X you off my list due to your current creative disaster.
I’ve included a visual aid below for your review. Watch a real genius at work.
humbly submitted,
mint julep
p.s. don’t ever let me catch you in a close up shot with that plastic pipe thingy hangin out the side of yo mouth ever again. it is not sexy. be like t-pain and get a skull head microphone or somethin. we don't want a visual of how you get your voice to sound like roger troutman.
8 comments:
I guess it wouldnt help that the dirty title of Snoops song is called "sexual eruption" so that probably makes it even worse for ya huh? But yeh I heard you, sometimes you got to stick with what you know, stick to dat Crip crip crippin SNoop!!!
Can I just say when my coworker sent me this video, I thought it was a joke! I was cracking up because you can NOT be serious. Then last week when I heard the song on the radio, I found myself smiling and chuckling before I even realized that this was the song for that Snoop video I saw the week before. So at that point I thought to myself, "maybe I am the only one that thinks this is hilarious?" I shared the song and video with a close friend and he said the song was a good club joint!?! I think this video is so BAD that it has to be a joke...what else could it be? I mean even the lyrics themselves are comical!
see me and Rum Punch were just goin back and forth about this. is it a joke that we are just missing? she pointed to little brother's "she was creepin'" but that was actually a joke song that we all got....here, he's just way too serious about it, imho.
and in contrast to Hey Ya, which i think had its moments of humor (we all cracked a smile at "shake it like a polaroid picture") i tend to think that snoop is tryin to make a career move.
i could be wrong but if it is a joke most folks dun missed it and think this shit is serious hotness. my sister said the same thing your friend did and couldn't believe i didn't agree.
shame on all of you -- the video is hilarious (i gots a good laugh). Snoop is a George Clington and the P.Funk All-starts baby, Bootsy Collins, and Rick James, too. I'm surprised he hasn't come out with material like this sooner. We have to let these rapper evolve, be'cuz they are artists. Granted I'm not listening the the music 'cuz it's not my style, but it's better than Bitch this, mfer kill you dat. Anytime folks still pay hundreds of dollars to see Mick Jagger's scrawny ass -- then I say D-O-double to GG do your thing. . .
@mint julep: part of the problem for you is comparing him to Andre Benjamin -- be'cuz Andre Benjamin he is not; when "Hey Ya" came out I told myself that boy is an artistic genius and I didn't feel like he veered from his "southernplayalisticadillacforthemuzik" days either
LOL! That was a great video! Am I the only one who didn't realize that it was Snoop singing the song on the radio? Though I'm not a true radio hip hop person, I surely thought it was some random youngin' singin and Snoop was making a guest appearance. Who knew he'd take the Ja-Rule route.
I agree with Bellini-everyone changes over time. And if this was a joke, then it was quite hilarious. Like a drunk uncle yelling craziness at the cookout.
Calvin and Andre aren't comparable. But I will admit that on many an occasion I have been envious of both their hair fabulousness! Shake those locks fellas!
Yeah it does seem like he's trying too hard to expand his musical horizons but, I can't front, that video is funny as hell. Throwback, 70's ish. I likes.
And he's no Ice Cold....but now after watching the Hey Ya vid, I'm fiendin' for some new stuff from him.
Bellini...I am not so sure this is better than "...Bitch this, mfer kill you dat." The lyrics of this song in my mind are just as bad and have the same mentality. Maybe becuase he is no longer rapping and is now singing you could say his style is maturing but the subject is the same old let me tap that...you ain't nothing but a hoe.
@mjr-banx: Snoop's old style was very jarring to the senses -- so this milder look is refreshing,if this is his evolution then so be it, remember I'm not a fan of this song; although I wonder who is his target audience?
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