Red Light, Green Light

Or maybe we can see a movie, or maybe we can see a play on Saturday
Or maybe we can roll a tree and feel the breeze and listen to a symphony
Or maybe chill and just be or maybe…
Maybe we can take a cruise or listen to The Roots
Or maybe eat some passion fruit or maybe cry to the blues…

- A Long Walk, Jill Scott


I’ve done all that and then some. Basketball game, drinks at happy hour, live jazz show, shooting pool… Dates. That’s what I’m talking about. Lots and lots and lots of dates. Most of them have been enjoyable. Every once and a while, I’m interested enough to agree to a second (or third) date. On occasion, I have to flex on a brotha for not coming correct. But up until this very moment, they all eventually end up the same way.With me still being single.

I’ve been single for about 15 months now. What bothered me most about when ole’ boy and I broke up was that I’d have to get back “out there.” Back out there again fishing in that damn sea. Where I never know what my hook may catch… A dead fish, or a rotten one, a baby fish, or maybe one that’s too heavy to reel in. Got to be careful ‘cause every fish ain’t meant to be fried.

I started off in a rut but lately my dating life has picked up speed. I could attribute the change to many factors but I think one is most prominent. My willingness to be more open minded about the offers for dates I receive. In the past couple of months, I have basically said yes to every guy who asked me out. Within reason, of course. There’s always the occasional no-brainer no nos. The dude who lives with his baby mama but proclaims they’re not together, they’re just saving money by sharing household expenses. [Riiiiiiight]. Or the man who’s living with his parents and he’s over the age of thirty [I just can't do it]. Sorry but they get no chance. But by taking a chance on going out with men I might not usually consider attractive (physically or otherwise) or my type, I have had the opportunity to discover new things about myself while sharpening my definition within of a suitable partner. A realistic one.

Now for clarification, I am talking about dating not gettin it on. Every date need not end up back at my crib or his. They ain’t all worthy of this here lovin. And that’s a lil too much risky business for me anyhow.

I fell upon this blog and thought the author’s idea was quite nifty. A young black woman in her twenties starts a year of yes – saying yes to every guy who asks her out and sharing her dating escapades in her blog entries. She was inspired by Maria Dahvana Headley’s book The Year of Yes. Now though the young lady did not maintain posting on a regular basis, I thought that the idea was hot. It takes guts to step out of the comfort zone and switch up your routine with something new. One day recently, I told Rum Punch about the year of yes and how I seemed to have inadvertently adopted this practice.

And then Amaretto’s post last week made me revisit this thought. I understand her position on dating and I’m trying hard to keep hope alive for myself, Amaretto, and the rest of my sistren. Therefore I have decided continue on this "yes" path that I have chosen. It may work and it may not. Only one way to find out.

In the weeks (or months) to follow, I will include brief updates on my experiences and encounters during my year of yes. I am already laughing hard as I think of the possibilities…


Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy