WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Monday, February 11, 2008

Could You Be Loved?

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you girl,
My heart says follow through
But I no now that I’m way down on your line,
But the waitin’ feel is fine.
So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string,
‘Cause I know how to do my thing.
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gonna come – soon.
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love.

- Waiting in Vain, Bob Marley

Aaahhh.... Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. Hallmark commercials galore. An extra candy and decoration aisle is set up at the CVS and Walgreens. Films of every kind of love story are being aired on TV, day and night (The Notebook is a personal favorite). Your local nightclub is hosting a serenade-filled concert with Bobby Valentino, Ne-Yo, or somebody who sound like ‘em. Roses out the wahzoo at every flower shop nationwide. Y’all know the drill.

And single folks mad 'cause it's a big a** reminder they ain't got nobody.

Sorry, don't wanna offend anyone. Just tellin' it like I see it. I'm a single lady myself, so ain't no hateration or holleratin' on my behalf. But I have been a bit disturbed by all of the recent fuss I am hearing lately about the age old complaint about the lack of good men. Specifically- a lack of good Black men. I want my sistas to read my lips: THIS TUNE IS PLAYED OUT. THE RECORD IS WARPED. I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT! Ladies, it's time to write a new hook.

While cruising the blogosphere last week, a couple of conversations caught my eye. Lord Hannibal gave his dos centimos about the subject. He made a good point about like attracts like and good men being worth the wait. I know that as human beings we are shaped by our experiences and a bad break up or a stormy relationship ain't always easy to shake. But most of the women I hear complaining about difficulty finding good men never had one to begin with. Or they fear still being unmarried and childless in ten years but don't date. You can't make a basket 'til you throw the ball, ya dig?

Some of my sistas refuse to date a man with less education than them or a man that has children. If that's your preference, cool. But there are good men that fit into both categories. Some women won't even talk to a man who is under a certain height (I've been guilty of this many times) or doesn't dress with a certain flair or doesn't have his own crib (guilty again- roommates are cool though). I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being selective. Please be. But some of our criteria is ridiculous and we our only hurting ourselves with these grandiose measuring sticks. I was watching Oprah last week and one of her guests was talking about making a list of desired traits in your potential mate and burrying it or some crap like that... Personally I think these lists are for the birds. But if you're going to make a list, keep it real.

Let's also start looking in the mirror. Literally. Fix your hair. I'm talking brush/comb it and give it a lil shine. Nothing extravagant. If you're having a bad hair day, put on a hat. But let the hat match your outfit. You ain't got to put on lipstick but a lil' chapstick or nude colored gloss would be nice. A nice apperance is important if you want a man to notice you. I don't care if you are just going to the grocery store... Men shop at the grocery store too, ya know. I'm sorry but first impression is important. He don't need to see what you look like on your worst day the very first time you meet. Then he won't ask you out. And then you'll keep singing that same tired a** tune that is driving me crazy!

If you're in a relationship that is not making you happy, end it. No it's not that hard. I don't want to hear about how complicated it is. The only thing I find complicated is why someone would choose to be unhappy and unfulfilled. And then mad at all men to come 'cause you stuck yourself in the mud and got dirty.

I've been blessed to have good men in my life, so I can attest that they do exist. They are out there. And there are lots of them. Every good man I meet may not be for me, but how would I know unless I give them a chance? Ladies, please give the men a chance. Hold brothas accountable for unacceptable behavior, but only the brothas that dish it. Not the entire brotherhood...

Ummm... I had a point and I got lost jumping up & down on the soapbox. Please forgive me. I just want my sistas to be happy. But y'all are killing me with the 'woe is me' sappiness. I just can't take it anymore. Let's be proactive in our quest for the Mandingo warrior of our dreams. Fix your hair. Fix your face (smile 'cause the smirk ain't cute). Fix your attitude. Love one another (haters are so unattractive). And love we shall receive.

On that note, to hell with Valentine's Day.

Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy


Always.Funky.Fresh said...

*Standing ovation*

Dark & Stormy for President!!!!!!!

Amaretto said...

LOL! I can see you jumping up and down on your soapbox!

Things I love: "Waiting in Vain" Everytime I hear it I think of my time in Jamaica! Ah yes good times.

Imma trying to be open from now on, but a man who is shorter than you? Wow, I don't think I could. My issue obviously not his...

Dark & Stormy said...

@funky fresh: Thanks for the vote of confidence... Lol.

@amaretto: Bob Marley's bday was Feb. 6; my entry's title and the opening lyrics were a nod to him :)

Had a date last night with a dude who is handsome, self-sufficient, and has a good heart. Can't get over the fact that he's the same height as me. You know I ain't tall.. lol. But I never said a man who is "shorter than you" when I addressed height. Funny how the brain works isn't it...

Amaretto said...

I know you didn't say "shorter than you" but I was refering to what you wrote when you said that you had been guilty of the height thing-which is kind of funny to me that you would have that type of issue like I do.

Dirty Red said...


Excellent post Boo.
There are a lot of good men out here, yours truly is one, as well as all of my boys. None of us are rich, but we are at least a block, maybe 2, away from broke. So we all have a little something to offer.

Well let me take the "we" out of that last sentence. I am married.

I might copy this post to my wife's email because I hear her and her sister's talk all the time about "ain't no good men" I am so tired of hearing that shit I want to pull a Rambo and straight spray the whole room. It is good to read something refreshing, so keep writing and I will keep reading.

Anonymous said...

Kudos! Kudos!

I agree w/ cha sista. There are good men out there, but often times we as women miss out cuz we attract love based on how we love ourselves and how we think we should be loved. With that said, we attract the "not so good" men, deal with them longer than we need to, then complain that there are no good ones out there; all based on how we view ourselves.

That part about take a look in the mirror...Ain't nothing but the truth! But look externally and internally b/c that's what makes up the whole YOU!

Rum Punch said...

Mint Julep and I discussed this whilst we were on our little va-cay. It seems that men and women alike are placing some very high standards on each other when searching for a mate. Say what, Rum Punch? For instance, I asked my granny where & how she met my grandaddy. Her response, "in church, I think." In my mind, I'm like how could she not remember where she met her husband? But 60 years later, that has faded and what matters is the kind of man he was. He was 16 years her senior, divorced, had other kids, less formal education than my granny, was shorter than her. But she married him anyway because he had the makings of a "good" man, provider, good father, loved her unconditionally. These are the seemingly simple things that seem to go forgotten as we modern men and women have more and more choices and get more and more selective about what we want. Not to say, don't have standards, but I think we need to re-evaluate some of our "criteria"...