From the very first time I rest my eyes on you girl,
My heart says follow through
But I no now that I’m way down on your line,
But the waitin’ feel is fine.
So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string,
‘Cause I know how to do my thing.
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gonna come – soon.
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love.
- Waiting in Vain, Bob Marley
Aaahhh.... Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. Hallmark commercials galore. An extra candy and decoration aisle is set up at the CVS and Walgreens. Films of every kind of love story are being aired on TV, day and night (The Notebook is a personal favorite). Your local nightclub is hosting a serenade-filled concert with Bobby Valentino, Ne-Yo, or somebody who sound like ‘em. Roses out the wahzoo at every flower shop nationwide. Y’all know the drill.
And single folks mad 'cause it's a big a** reminder they ain't got nobody.
Sorry, don't wanna offend anyone. Just tellin' it like I see it. I'm a single lady myself, so ain't no hateration or holleratin' on my behalf. But I have been a bit disturbed by all of the recent fuss I am hearing lately about the age old complaint about the lack of good men. Specifically- a lack of good Black men. I want my sistas to read my lips: THIS TUNE IS PLAYED OUT. THE RECORD IS WARPED. I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT! Ladies, it's time to write a new hook.
While cruising the blogosphere last week, a couple of conversations caught my eye. Lord Hannibal gave his dos centimos about the subject. He made a good point about like attracts like and good men being worth the wait. I know that as human beings we are shaped by our experiences and a bad break up or a stormy relationship ain't always easy to shake. But most of the women I hear complaining about difficulty finding good men never had one to begin with. Or they fear still being unmarried and childless in ten years but don't date. You can't make a basket 'til you throw the ball, ya dig?
Some of my sistas refuse to date a man with less education than them or a man that has children. If that's your preference, cool. But there are good men that fit into both categories. Some women won't even talk to a man who is under a certain height (I've been guilty of this many times) or doesn't dress with a certain flair or doesn't have his own crib (guilty again- roommates are cool though). I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being selective. Please be. But some of our criteria is ridiculous and we our only hurting ourselves with these grandiose measuring sticks. I was watching Oprah last week and one of her guests was talking about making a list of desired traits in your potential mate and burrying it or some crap like that... Personally I think these lists are for the birds. But if you're going to make a list, keep it real.
Let's also start looking in the mirror. Literally. Fix your hair. I'm talking brush/comb it and give it a lil shine. Nothing extravagant. If you're having a bad hair day, put on a hat. But let the hat match your outfit. You ain't got to put on lipstick but a lil' chapstick or nude colored gloss would be nice. A nice apperance is important if you want a man to notice you. I don't care if you are just going to the grocery store... Men shop at the grocery store too, ya know. I'm sorry but first impression is important. He don't need to see what you look like on your worst day the very first time you meet. Then he won't ask you out. And then you'll keep singing that same tired a** tune that is driving me crazy!
If you're in a relationship that is not making you happy, end it. No it's not that hard. I don't want to hear about how complicated it is. The only thing I find complicated is why someone would choose to be unhappy and unfulfilled. And then mad at all men to come 'cause you stuck yourself in the mud and got dirty.
I've been blessed to have good men in my life, so I can attest that they do exist. They are out there. And there are lots of them. Every good man I meet may not be for me, but how would I know unless I give them a chance? Ladies, please give the men a chance. Hold brothas accountable for unacceptable behavior, but only the brothas that dish it. Not the entire brotherhood...
Ummm... I had a point and I got lost jumping up & down on the soapbox. Please forgive me. I just want my sistas to be happy. But y'all are killing me with the 'woe is me' sappiness. I just can't take it anymore. Let's be proactive in our quest for the Mandingo warrior of our dreams. Fix your hair. Fix your face (smile 'cause the smirk ain't cute). Fix your attitude. Love one another (haters are so unattractive). And love we shall receive.
On that note, to hell with Valentine's Day.
Dark & Stormy
SO LONG, FAREWELL...
The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot