Say hooray to the bad guy, and all the broads
Puttin' cars in they name for the stars of the game
Puttin caine in their bras and their tomorrows on the train
All in the name of love
- Jay Z, Allure
Hey y’all! So, rumor has it that Jayonce finally tied the knot. If this is true, I wish nothing but well wishes to the happy couple! I know what you’re thinking, that I don’t even know Jay Z or Beyonce. And that might be true. In theory. Believe me, I know them. Because dang it, I know their music.
You see whilst I’m on the train, during my to work and back home commute, I likes to listen to my ipod and when a Jay Z song comes on, I bob my head, but I also pay close attention to certain lyrics- like I’ve never heard them before. Cause they always make me go hmmm… Lyrics like the one quoted above or: To all the girls I bought the girdle to conceal my bricks, no doubt they can vouch my life is real as shit, or: A nigga had very bad credit, you helped me lease that whip, you helped me get the keys to that V dot 6, or: to little Kim and them you know the women friend who carry the work cross state for a gentleman, make my mind drift to the Marcy Housing Projects (come with me whilst I travel there) and I wonder, if half of what Hova says is true, then how many women are there still in Marcy or BK or NYC or shit even VA for that matter, (since he spent some time down here) reminiscing about once being Jay Z’s boo? And if so then who are these women? And what have they done with their lives?
Are they the clichéd baby mamas, still living in the projects, telling their children that they coulda still been Jay Z right now if only…? Did any of them take what x amount of money they were making from crossing state lines and start a business, buy a house, shit put some of that money in savings for a rainy day?
Are they some bitter bitches who gather monthly at their ‘We Usta Mess with Jay Z’ meetings to talk about how they put their credit on the line for him, that no one was even feeling his camel looking ass until x happened, and can't no one love him like they did anyway? And then do they share a laugh and say to each other but he damn sure knew what to do with them soup coolers…
I mean who was the first woman who really said to Jay Z, “let me upgrade you” and introduced his ass to Fifth Avenue? Who is the woman who had to listen to his first rhymes, go with him to the studio, put up with Dame Dash’s nonsense, all the while smiling and being like, “yeah, you goin’ to be famous baby…” Could she not hold out? Did she give up on him? Did he drop her once he got a taste of the good life?
Yeah, these are my train musings. Completely off base? Me thinks not. Cause I know a lot of women have a man they are no longer with who is now, finally, doing something with his life. And you’re stuck watching another woman reap all the benefits, all the hard work that you put into "fixing him up" and making him "presentable" to the world. Now, you are sitting on the sidelines talking bout, “he couldn’t even dress before he met me.” And it hurts, don’t it?
I mean let’s say you were someone’s woman while he was in law school. And you had tons of late night conversations, hearing him talk about how hard school was, that he had a big exam coming up and didn’t know if he were going to pass, and that he had to figure out his future. And you had to push him, encourage him, believe in him, deal with his mood swings, devote hours, months and maybe years to him, all the while wanting to ask, “so are you going to marry me or what, man?” And then he didn’t. Y’all broke up. And you watched some other woman just swoop down, like she was just waiting for you to get him ready for her, spend the six figures he is making at his corporate law firm, when you remember him talking about how he wanted to do something in the community, work with his people.
What hurts the most? Is it his leaving? Is it having to watch another woman be with the person you once and may still love? Is it recognizing how much that person grew (not changed) while he was with you and now that woman is getting a “better” version? Is it a combination of all these things? For me, I liken it to that scene in School Daze, when they were in their last phase of pledging, about to cross, and Tisha Campbell & Jasmine Guy are helping Half Pint aka Spike Lee hold up his torch. And Big Brother comes over and yells at them and tells them to move it along cause Half Pint has to do it on his own. And Jasmine Guy says, in her real, you must not know bout me voice, “you forget I helped your ass last year…” That’s what hurts, the wondering if we meant as much to you as you meant to us. The wondering if you realize all that we did for you, just for the possibility of being with you. The wondering if you forgot about those things, forgot about us. And the hard, bitter pill to swallow, the realization that maybe you did…
That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday
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9 comments:
And you’re stuck watching another woman reap all the benefits, all the hard work that you put into "fixing him up" and making him "presentable" to the world. Now, you are sitting on the sidelines talking bout, “he couldn’t even dress before he met me.” And it hurts, don’t it?
Yeah. Whatever..
Then you should take advice to another Jay-Z lyric when he said that if you so good at "making him" or "fixing him" or whatever, then go make another one and stop complaining. That was the "Lost One" track Jay-Z did.
I guess sistas consider fixing up a man is having him be a "consumer" like she is, running around buying nice things on credit.
Nope...it is the 21st century: lightweight ish versus the real ish. I can show you plenty of non-American Black sistas that speak at least three G-9 languages, know the import/export business and can take a brotha to do real shopping in Hong Kong, Paris and Milan.
Talk to us brothas about "shopping" on Fifth Ave again when I know sistas that are in Central America at a clothing plant right now providing specs for their own clothing line to distribute worldwide.
If you sistas going to claim you "fixed up" or "made a man", at least bring something real to the table other than you made him look cute with clothes...
@ Ed - Oh my, I see that my attempt at humor has fallen short. While I don't wanna break down my post like it's a Shakespeare sonnet, or an Orwell novel, that 'he couldn't even dress before he met me' line was written tongue in cheek, to show the extremed end of the situation, the mentality that some women have about the man they think they "fixed up". But it was good to learn that you know women who are doing big things with their lives! Will they take me shopping in Paris? Seriously. I wear a size 39 shoe. See, I know European sizes and everything...
I think that sometimes, some women, are with men who they view as truly diamonds in the rough, works in progress, if you will and they may work with/encourage/support that man, to help him reach his "full potential," help him realize his dream, goal, etc. And a part of that, could be introducing him to new things. Not putting it all on her credit card, but showing him a whole new world (c) Aladdin. Notice I said in the post, grow, not change...
And if that man leaves them, they may be a tad bitter. Is it right to feel this way? Maybe. Should they have done things completely unselfishly? Sure, that's an easy argument to make. Can you really "fix up" or "make a man"? Depends on who you ask. Cause perception is a mothafucka...
yes there are, thats why they still living in the project - death to the groupie mentality
Whaaaat? This isn't about groupies and gold diggers. This is about women who had actual relationships with men.
Women who sat on the phone and listened to dreams of making it big in the world, and said "Yeah Baby, do that. I believe in you. And while you doing that maybe you should..." Women who were in these mens lives when their sh*t still stank. But who didn't get to make it into the "promise land" for whatever reason. And so they are probably salty about it. Feeling some type of way.
Now fool on them if they didn't become anything in the mean time. But I know and Rum Punch know that the first woman who had to look at, listen to and love Sean Carter has to be like "Damn...I remember when"
i was listening to ed luva the other day and he was talkin bout how back in the day he knew that jay was "gettin it in" but he never brought women out in the open, he was discrete wit his. but oh when he did bring his woman out in the open, man what a woman! smart, talented, beautiful, southern! lol....
but that's the pure genius of jay. not that i know him, but i get the sense that he knew his own greatness, his purpose in life, that he was destined to be who he would be and he worked diligently on making himself into his own superstar. and he also had is eye on the ultimate prize, the woman who in his eyes would match his greatness. everything else was just "gettin it in" and could he be blamed for those women who held out for the "possibility of being with" him.
i totally see how women can be bitter if they were there along the way and helped in the growth...but i think you only have a valid claim to bitterness if you gave financial help. the emotional support, the receptive ear, etc. are all parts of a relationship and you can't be stank-faced if you've given that but the relationship just didn't work out. i damn sure wouldn't want no man who had seen me through my those first year exams and my complaints about my first law firm job claiming that he had made me. did you pay my tuition? hell no. when we got together did i make any guarantees or warranties that we would marry and live happily ever after? uhhhh no. thanks for the emotional support, but that's a two way street in relationship land.
Rum Punch, this was the realest story I have read all week. I understand your stance well. As a man, I have raised, helped,fixed, assisted a woman, and when she graduated school and I helped her get a job at Viacom in NYC...she and I broke up and the next man I'm sure was happy I put in all that WORK before him.
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Livros e Revistas, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://livros-e-revistas.blogspot.com. A hug.
Meant to comment sooner but didn't get around to it. Me and my girls decided during freshman year that you just can't date potential unless you know you don't want him after you put in all the work.
This seems like a case of the woman giving a lot to a relationship and getting very little out of it for herself.
If that is the case, what expectation can she reasonably have of gratitude or thoughts about her after the relationship is over? Its not like she demanded/needed/asked for those things while she was in it.
The only people for whom I could sacrifice so much of myself without any expectation of direct reward or benefit other than I'd helped the person achieve their goals or dreams are my siblings and my children (if/when I have them).
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