why are you still single?

At a recent birthday dinner for a law school classmate of mine I stumbled upon the answer to why some black women who make six figures might be single.* Let me explain.

the place: A cute jamaican restaurant/lounge in the city where working class and professional black folks come after work to get a bite to eat, unwind and maybe meet a cutie or two.

the company: 5 black women, all young associates at corporate law firms in the city.

the characters: "The birthday girl" - late 20s married. "Ms." - on the verge of 30, been dating a guy who she complains about on the daily for the past few years. "Lauren from the black Hills" - late 20s single wanna be BAP doing way too much to seem high class and always ballin outta control. and "lil Pumped (full of water)" so named cause she's gained the first year associate 15 and then some eating way too many free late night dinners at the office also single mid 20s. and mint julep of course, but you already know me.

The birthday girl, being the happily boo'ed up black woman that she is, proceeds to ask the rest of us woefully (to her) un-boo'ed up black women at the table so how's the love life ladies? Any prospects?

*collective sigh*

Ms. throws out a cursory, oh Boo gets on my damn nerves and were gonna break up any minute now. For real, ya'll. Mint julep thinks, Yea Ms. we heard that shit before.

Lil Pumped: ughh I'm done

Lauren: I'm so over the whole thing. Enough!

mint julep: Well I for one am single and actively looking. and in my head i think: done? over it? stop playin bitches. mint julep aint goin down without a fight...i loves me some d... errr... never mind, tmi. instead i continued, ladies ladies it can't be that bad out there can it. There are good men! My homeboy, who happens to be once such good man, says he goes out all the time and never sees black women like us out. He told me black women oughta come out more. You know what I really wanna know? Where do all the good girls go? What club they be at? (c) Andre 3000

Lauren: where does he go? we try to all get together but someone always has to work late and can't commit to come out or cancels at the last minute because of work.

mint julep (in my head): Uhhhhh.... (1) we don't have to all go out together in a gang on the prowl and (2) tis why I giveth not a fucketh about my job because I will cut out on the work shit to go out and meet some men.

And when I replayed this convo over in my head the next day, I picked up on a collective theme, partly from the words spoken and partly from what I know about these women. like how they hardly ever go out except to the occasional birthday lunch/dinner, how they live in outrageously expensive apartments (it's the city, but still), buy fantabulous outfits, take trips with the girls and spend all kinds of money on hotels and dinners, and have basically washed there hands of being about the business of getting out there and meeting new men. they've given up before the race has even started. but i say contrary to popular belief, the 20s are when we should be out there meeting folks and enjoying life. that's what my mama did and she didn't have me till she was 34.

yeah i know times have changed. and in some interesting ways. from my humble perspective, these women are content with their money and their suckey jobs. they've made it in the traditional sense, making 6 figures, can live any where and go any place and buy any thing they want. so what could a man bring to their lives? they got they girls who are also single (or unhappily boo'ed up) and their nieces and nephews and their careers. hell, there aint no good men out there any way so why bother?

shhhhiiiitttt! i'm sorry, i like my friends, i like women but I NEED the comfort of a man (c) stephanie mills. i need a man up and through the mix sometimes, i need a deep bass voice, a husky laugh to give me that tingle up my spine.

of course, the ladies at the table laughed and smirked at my single and actively lookin comment.

mint julep (in my head): just keep laughing, especially when i send ya'll the wedding invite!

*this post is limited to my experiences with a small pool of black women who make six figures. miss me with the "oh stop generalizing" comments. thanks!