Who Chose Who

Last week, I became quite enthralled by the comments that followed a post over at verysmartbrothas.com about why women should or should not approach men they are interested in. Many comments forced me to quickly glance at the calendar to remind myself that the current year is indeed 2008. Ultimately I arrived to the following conclusion:

Is it really that serious?

In the 200+ comments to the post, the majority of both men and women said that they felt men should always do the approaching. One chick went so far as to say it doesn't matter if a woman catches a man staring [in that obvious "I wanna get wit you" way] and admiring, the woman should not budge or speak until ole' boy steps up to the plate. Coincidentally, she's single.

Another comment read:

"I like for men to initiate first because if I do it and get into a relationship with them, its most likely that I will be making all the decisions instead of as a couple. Men have gotten real lazy nowadays. We have to give birth to their kids, clean the house, cook dinner, etc. Now we have to ask them out???? I'm sorry but that's not my job."

Wow... Slow ya roll sista. She made a jump from initiating conversation/contact with a brother to getting into a relationship with a lazy man who is incapable of making decisions. Is it that serious? How many first impressions/conversations/dates lead to a relationship? Millions more don't than do. Is this how sistas are thinking these days? You see a dude strolling down the street and you start admiring his swag and his tight sneakers... You start to smile at him, then you stop yourself because you start thinking "if I initiate this won't be no time before homie moves his unemployed ass into my house, running up my light bill and eating up all my food."

You may think I'm reaching far here, but just yesterday I watched the women I was dining with rag on some brothas for wearing a crisp white T to a casual restaurant for Sunday brunch. These were some clean looking men, nothing scrubby about them... Coulda been law students out getting their grub on before heading back to the library. Or maybe they were checking out a few open houses in the neighborhood (most are on Sundays) and got hungry while house hunting. Maybe we are worrying about the wrong things and missing out on the good shit while doing so?

Before I get off subject, which is fairly easy for me, let me clarify what kind of initiation I feel is acceptable. If I see a man that catches my attention, why wait for him to approach me? What is so wrong with me approaching him and starting a conversation? Maybe his mind was occupied with something or he just wasn't facing my direction... Just because he hasn't approached me doesn't mean he is not interested or would not be interested once he knew I actually existed. I can make my presence known, and possibly my interest, with a smile here and a giggle there...

If Mr. Man wants this convo to go any further, then he knows what to do to make that happen. I'm not going to ask him for his number or when I can see him again. Me chasing him is not an option. But ain't nothing wrong with tossing a lil' incentive his way just to get the ball rolling.

If we were discussing pursuing a career or finding your dream home or going back to school for an advanced degree, everyone would be like go get yours. But when it comes to a man, we [women] are supposed to sit back and wait for him to magically roll in with the afternoon tide? Why not go get yours? Are we so afraid of rejection that we'd let a possibly good thing pass just to save face?

When you meet a happy couple, doing the damn thing and holding it down for each other, have you ever asked them "who chose who?"

Exactly. 'Cause it ain't that serious.


Tumultuously Yours,
Dark & Stormy


(Inspired by vsb's post found here http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/f-sadie-hawkins/)