Please Save the Children

It’s summertime and the living is easy! The fish are jumping…and the cotton is high! I so looooved summertime in my youth. As I sit in my cubicle I allow my mind to wonder back to the swimming, the cookouts, ice cream cones and no school and it makes me smile, and helps the day to go by much faster. There was something very heavenly about that vacation time *Sing angelic chorus! Sing!* Kids chant no more school, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks while parents ask themselves what they are going to do about the children. What does one do with little ones who aren’t old or wise enough to be latchkey kids, grandma’s got her own life to live and well you ain’t trying to break the bank to pay some woman in a trailer to watch them. Well the answer becomes quite simple really, you pawn them off on whomever you can!

And so begins my tale...

I rent a room from a lady I’ve know for about thirteen years. Now this familiarity allows my mom to worry less and the arrangement works quite well for landlady and me. We’re like two ships passing in the night, on our way to our respective jobs. Landlady cleans the common areas and sometimes she makes me eat food she’s prepared. Hello? Can we say win, win? Yes we can! So a couple weeks back, during one of those free meals she cooked up, she informed me that her niece (12) and nephew (9) would be hanging out in our home for a few days in this summer because their mama and their papa were busy working. Well what could I say, like I said I rent a room, I ain’t on no deed, and since I knew these children I wasn’t stressing…

But how many of ya’ll know that the devil comes in many forms!

When I came back from Atlanta the house was like I had never seen it before! There were pillows on the floor, dishes piled in the sink, an odor, and food on the table. It was like an open invitation for roaches to come do the Cupid Shuffle on the table. Seriously! Please come go with me ya’ll back to the Color Purple when Celie walks into Mister’s kitchen for the first time and the walls were black! Ya’ll remember that? And so for a nano second I was like let me braid my hair and get my bucket and get to scrubbing. You know, help the folks out and such, but then I was like f-it I’m just going into to my room. And so I did and closed my door.

Peace and serenity.

There have been a few times when I came home early from work (quite unexpectedly I might add) and found the children home alone. TV blasting. Kitchen and bathroom nasty. And them doing unspeakable things with toast and chewing gum. So I told them to let me know if something caught on fire, otherwise I’d be in my room. And I closed my door.

Safe and secure from all alarms.

And then it happened. It was a few Sundays ago. I didn’t get myself together in time to go to church, so I was just piddling in my room. I had showered and dressed and was about to go to somebody’s cookout. The house was quiet and I was enjoying just taking my leisurely time, enjoying my day. I was standing in the mirror applying lip gloss when suddenly my door opened! And then I saw the head of both the niece and the nephew, wide-eyed and mouth agape. Immediately when the saw me they apologized and closed my door. WTF?

But in those few moments I had already decided to kill them… slowly. Softly. Maybe with a pillow. Or maybe with a knife. Heh.

I mean really! Why didn’t they knock? What if I had been naked? Why are they opening my door? And the fact that they apologized means that they knew better! Is this how things go down when I’m not home? Do I need to lock up my good…um. Well still, had I not been there, would they have gone through my things?

Sadly, the shock of their violation prevented me from ripping them a new one right then on the spot. And the fact that sometimes I forget I am an adult and can reprimand a child for their ignorant and naughty behavior if the situation requires it. But I will say this, if they so much as look at my door or are tempted to even touch the knob, oh heaven help the child! I can’t wait for school to start again! It’s summertime, and the living is supposed to be easy. But my patience is thin ya'll...and I want revenge. I can’t be catching no case over some ignorant devil touched children! I’m too cute to be tossing salads in prison!

See You in Seven