Every once in a while, there is a recurring theme that pops up in regular everyday conversation. For the past couple of days the single man with no kids or baby mama drama seemed to rear its head in a few. As Belini would say before I commence this conversation with you guys, here is my disclaimer “I believe there is a quite a few single brothers out there without children, which means there are quite a bit of baby mamas out there with babies.” Therefore I am always pleasantly surprised to find a brother without a crazy baby mama (leaving this statement for you Rum Punch…chuckle).
Last week on my way home, my neighborhood RayRay was screaming at the top of his lungs “No way ma’. I ain’t going to have another man raising my baby… that is my blood. My blood! You can’t make me feel good about that!”
Okay! RayRay… but you live at home with your mama. (chuckle)
Now I could go on and on about RayRay’s situation but that is not my chosen topic of discussion today. My topic of discussion is single folks with children and dating. I have dated men with children and it is always a touchy situation when the baby moms hear about you in the presence of the children. And likewise for the single mothers I know in serious relationships with men other than their baby daddies.
With that said, back to my disclaimer, in this day in age, as single mamas and papis set out to find their life partners and become serious with their partner. Should this new potential life mate not assist with the raising of you child, RayRay? Why are you so threatened? Are you not doing all that you can do to provide for your child? Hmm…
Listen, I know a man with two mothers. Two mothers he loves very dearly. I also know a single lady who met the love of her life while she was raising a two-year old little boy by another man. She was the one that told me, if you are serious about being with someone you love all of them. If you really want to make a life with them, you will work to be apart of there life. So RayRay when D’Angelo brings his woman dinner after a long day at the office, he is going to bring enough to feed junior.
I am going to serve this shot to you straight brother, if you doing your job, Jr. will have two pops. No chaser, check my disclaimer, this is the state we live in… you know what you have to do.
And on that note, I will conclude with a clip from one of my favorite movies.
Much luv until next week... peace :)
P.S. Courvoisier doesn’t condone the introduction of people you dating to your children unless it is serious. But it is what it is, let a him/her help out once in a while… this is a team we are building.
11 comments:
So I am married, but not to my sons mother. My son, however, only has one mother--his biological mom. And he will only have one dad, me. This is something that my ex-wife and I are very clear about, son is clear about and so is my wife.
Clearly folks can arrange things otherwise, i.e. two mothers, or two dads, but that would not be my recommendation.
@ intrepid - I can dig that. But what happens w/ discipline - does your new wife have authority, etc. Or is it like 'wait til daddy gets home?' I am just curious...
great post! i think about this regularly, especially as i get older and meet/think about becoming involved with men who have kids, been married before, or have some serious "before me" history going on. it's hard cause in my mind i kinda want some one with a clean slate but what if you meet someone who makes you tingle and who really sees you when he looks at you but who also was married and has a couple kids. blows my mind to think about it but what if this is the package your destiny was sent it?
Intrepidbackwoman has authority to deal with discipline etc, but the rules are set by me. This sounds more harsh than it is...the process is that I discuss the rules etc for Intrepidyoungman with my wife and we establish a baseline (if there is a disagreement about something, I have the final say); then I coordinate with my ex-wife to ensure that the baseline is consistent in both households....so at the end of the day Intrepidblackwoman is enforcing rules set by my ex and myself...she has significant input, by does not have final say.
@ Intrepid - That's cool. I can dig it. And seems to alleviate confusion and provides much needed consistency for Interpidyoungman...
That is the goal....great post and important topic...no one way to do this..thinking about RayRay, the only way another man can raise his kid is if he does not.
Thanks Mint! I think a lot of single folks out there don't understand the situation for us nowadays.
I hear you Intrepidblackman... there isn't just one way to deal with this situation but there is one thing that I do think is true for all situations. This is a collaborative situtation that effects all of the parties involved.
Uh yes, it's a hard knock life out here for us [colored] chicks w/ no kids. We like unicorns.
I was just chattin w/ this man, we hadn't even gotten deep in yet - his baby mama had recently given birth. So you know I was already lookin at him sideways. But whatev. So he calls me on my job talking bout some, "SHE WON'T PUT MY NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?" Say whaat? Why is you bothering me? I don't know you yet. I can't and won't be that shoulder. And it's too early in the day, in my life, in knowing you for this drama and madness.
Rum...that dude has done you a favor by letting you know early on---RUN.
@ Intrepid - LOL!! Well this was years ago I'm sorry of I made it seem like it was recent - but run I did! Like muhfuckin forest gump dipped in caramel....
RUM!!! LMBO!!!
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