WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


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-The Five Spot

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

waiting game

Never met anyone like him before. He was different. Nerdy, so to speak-- she liked that. Also, younger than she, but not significantly so, and he had that definiteley not been her MO before. And he lived in Philly, not too far where distance becoems a tiebreaker.

He was educated, driven, ambitious, all the virtues the men of her past couldn't seem to muster at the same time. So yes, she liked him. Matter of fact, she loved him. And yes, he was the one still is maybe. But see when she liked him, she was still in a long-term relationship that was unfilling. And it took her 10 years to figure that out. And Mr. Nerdy, had been waiting on her intentions to dismantle it all. She took her time, not because she wasn't serious she was, but because she had to make sure her heart was truly over senior beau.
So, Mr. Nerdy waited.

As for my friend let's call her Glen Livet and Senior Beau -- it had grown stagnant, no growth. And I must not dismiss the fact that at the time her Senior Beau was 12 years her senior when she met him at 21. CRAZY! I know. Years filled with too much drama.

And in the meantime, Mr. Nerdy had baby mama issues to tend too. He had a daughter and was still spellbound by the yoke of the mother. Felt irresponsible if he was abandoning his "family", but he never articulated that information to Glen Livet. So, on that fateful day of Christmas 2000 (Mr. Nerdy's birthday), Glen Livet knew her life needed change and she was willing and ready to emabark on a new chapter in her life with Mr. Nerdy. He wasn't ready, she didn't spend Christmas in Philly. So, she let it go and moved on....

Moved on... yet she moved backwards perhaps?

To a flame rather high school sweetheart. All these years through the decade with Senior Beau, the tangoesque relationship with Mr. Nerdy, and the brief dalliances with others he heard Glen Livet's trials and tribulations. She shared that with him as friends do. He was her friend -- a sounding board. She was single, yet wasn't sure if she was ready to mingle. But single nonetheless and no kids. funny how most the serious relationships she'd encountered the men always had a child/ren. Ol' Sweetheart absorbed it and heard it all. And she interpreted that to mean, she knew where she was in life and understood her vision. A vision that included marriage and children to follow in that order... So, she rekindled that relationship with Ol' Sweetheart.

No marriage and a child.
And she's sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss.
Not sure where she's going, what direction she's headed. Confused of how she arrived at this place. Trying to figure out how she got here. Why she's still there? She reckons it's for the child to acquire a relationship with her father -- a relationship she has never known. And her unhappiness is visible. For her, emotions have always been written on her face.

And now.
Mr. Nerdy is whispering in the background. The writing is on the wall -- it's over. "This is our time. We needed our experiences to get us here." He claims he's older and figured it out. I want you. I'm still in love with you. I'll move to your city, for the convenience of you and the child. And make it happen!?... And she doesn't know, what to do. Well, rather she's unsure of what to do. She's already done 4 years with babydaddy.
Ok, folks this is a true story. As true as a heart attack. And Glen Livet has beat me down to share this story for some time. She's seeking thoughts and analysis. Perhaps a fresh perspective. So, please dissect, deconstruct, and discuss.




Courvoisier said...

Okay... (sigh) my two cents…
Although, I believe timing is everything… I have a hard time condoning backwards movement.
There are an estimated 6,771,259,918 people in the world and 306,919,866 in the US. I don't like the idea of waiting around or going back to ANYONE unless they are one, crippled (chuckle) ... two, welcome my assistance on coming along for the ride and three, plan on holding on for dare life! Life is FULL of UPs and DOWNs. I believe, if I am only supposed to have one co-pilot on this journey, then there wouldn’t be a long elapsed time period for us to reunite, especially if something was already initiated and didn’t stick. Excuse my romanticism but people have the ability to move mountains to be together and work whatever drama out. Believe I have experienced and witnessed it but that is just me :/

Rum Punch said...

In my church voice, "welllll..." This is a lot happening. I'm no relationship guru or anything but it seems that Glen livet needs to step back and really evaluate what she wants and needs at this stage in her life. Seems like she's kinda been riding along and not keeping herself in mind. Just cause Mr. Nerdy has reappeared talkin sweet doesn't mean she has to chose him.

And I just read in a Carolyn Hax that the possibility of a new relationship always seems fun - because you are not yet bogged down w/ the day to day, tedium of work, get the baby to day care, paying bills, finding time for loving, getting the baby to swim lessons, etc. etc.

But if she's thinks this is what she wants, then she should insist that he court her for real. And not try to get in where he fit in. But come corect like he don't know her. Woo her. And then serious conversations need to be had about expecations, future plans, etc.

But what they should not be to each other is a substitute or a fill in because neither wants to be alone. Or can't do it alone. They should both be still. Pray on it. Meditate. Leave it alone. Give it time. If he really want her, then he'll still be there waiting. And vice versa.

Just my My two cents! And then some...

Courvoisier said...

Did the church say "Amen"? I can't hear you!

Anonymous said...

She needs to leave all them jokers alone. Spend some time alone getting herself (and her heart) together. Then meet some new men. Just because she and Mr. Nerdy share (or shared) some love, doesn't mean they should be together now.

Staying with Senior Beau for the sake of the kid is a mistake. And a lot of people use that as an excuse when in reality, they're afraid of stepping out on their own. Who wants to live under one roof with two miserable parents? Her child deserves better.

Rum Punch said...

@ Anon - Tabernacle, Synagogue! And I was listening to Steve Harvey's Strawberry letter on the way to work this mornin. Similar scenario - man wanted to go back and rekindle an old flame. But chick now had a man and baby. So Steve was all, "first of all ain't no man gon' just let you come in and 'take' his woman." HA! And then he said, "second of all, if you do approach, please remember that the guy will always be in the picture cause there is a child involved" Truer words man...They all will always be connected someway, somehow.