WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

perfect doesn't exist

just ask the First Lady... [it's] the last thing that we want to project,” she said. “It’s unfair to the institution of marriage, and it’s unfair for young people who are trying to build something, to project this perfection that doesn’t exist.”

so how come we don't know perfect doesn't exist? why do we continue to torment ourselves when we know perfect doesn't exist? and why are we so obsessed with being perfect -- or as it pertains to relationships - acquiring perfect? considering the fact, human beings have hormones which influence one's behavior or lack thereof. the probability of attaining perfect is unlikely.

so why in the 21st century, with everything we know about the institution of marriage: it takes work, it takes 2... that we strive for an ideal that's exclusively "perfect"? and yet we already know it's not attainable. but the indoctrination occurs when we're in the womb, we feed the mantra to our children, we share the Disney fair tales of Snow White, Cinderella, and now Princess Tiana?!?!?

I'm always amused when black folks idolize Barack and Michelle as the quintessential couple. and yet i have to bust folks bubble and inform them "you ain't no Michelle or Barack!"

would you be able to accept and handle the fact that your degreed husband didn't want to pursue a career commensurate with his academic achievements? could you swallow your pride and trust your heart and sustain your faith?

and brothas you're not off the hook -- could you accept and handle the fact if your wife doubled or even tripled your earnings? and when the going got rough-could you committ to riding the wave and not falling prey to some other woman?

but then again we need the ideal of perfect to exist... to preclude us from dealing with that bullshit; but you know-when you get some time read the article i know it's a lil' on the long side come to some understanding of the dynamics of a marriage...
and ask yourself why are we stressin' for perfect to exist?!?




Amaretto said...

Hmmmmm, this was good stuff 'Lini! I think the fairy tales and movies are what led us to believe in perfection. How can two imperfect people ever achieve perfection? It's just not logical, but like you stated folks seriously stress themselves to achieve it!

I wonder also if there is a degree of settling that people do when they decide to get married. Like you stated would women be able to be supportive of a man whose career dreams didn't financially maximize that Harvard degree?

Michelle seemed really unhappy at times and I'm sure the Barack did too. While I don't think they understood what marriage all entailed, I do think they understood that it wasn't a commitment they could take lightly.

Bellini said...

@amaretto: thanx, lady! I mean marriage, this union -- requires you to be prayerful, committed, understanding, patient and i reckon to say you'll need at least 3 of those requirements at any given time... but you know i heart Michelle & Barack for being "in it to win it" so to speak... I know women now (married & divorce) who claim they love our prez and what he represents and i have to call 'em out on the bullshit... their marriage wasn't no fairytale -- like Michelle says "she wasn't supposed to be First Lady" and then i have to keep it uber real for some and remind 'em could you ride or die for your husband who made less than you and yet had career aspirations that would jolt the family dynamics? could you sustain your faith and know your love will carry you through??? could you, would you?

Rum Punch said...

Yeah. I read the article a few days ago. I think the other thing money/career choices aside when discussing the idea of "perfection" is that Michelle had to put away the image she had of her father and how he was as a husband/father - coming home every night and being with family. And that's what she wanted. And so having to be a "single mother" in a sense cause your husband is in a whole 'nother city, talking bout, "baby I'm doing this for us." And you like, "um what us?! I'm the one picking up the kids, cooking dinner, helping with homework and putting them to bed." You have to change your mindset - I'm guessing of course - about what your union will look like. And then being committed partners in making it work.