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Monday, August 16, 2010

Men and Women as Friends

Can single men and women be friends?

Usually I answer that question with "Yes" but as of late, I feel like there is something about single men and women that can be misunderstood. For example...

I am chilling texting with a guy friend about how I am too lazy to get up and get something to eat. I say, you want to bring me some of that food you threw down a half hour ago. He says, not a problem. I am thinking "sweet, free grub!"

Here comes the details:
1. It is after 10:30 pm and I am in my jammies.
2. He has never been to my house before but I have been to his for a one or two parties.

Is this appropriate?
In my mind, it is all good if we're just friends... but I ain't slow, so I know food and liquor on a late Saturday night at someone's house could quickly go in the opposite direction.

So my response was "Hmm... I am just going to tough it out and eat some water ice."
His response, was "I am on my way!"
Again, I am saying "Sure and bring the food."

But, I am not trying to lead nobody on... so I have to fall back because unlike when we were kids, words and actions aren't as innocent as they use to be. I know a lot of guys who would interpret my "Sure and bring the food" as a night filled with a whole lot of potential.

Am I wrong for this conclusion?

I am not so sure... especially since Amaretto has told me before I have a lot of male friends that she thinks if the situation was slightly different, they would try and holla.

Much love until next week peace :)


Rum Punch said...

Hmmmm...I think at this age the whole men and women being "just" friends (no ulterior motive, no nuffin) thing is a rarity. This is especially true for someone you have just met (not a buddy from college or someone you came up with) and even in those cases - I think that if given the proper space and opportunity something could go down. Although I say all this when in reality I wish I could have more male "friends" to do fun things with (heh), but that doesn't seem to be the reality...

Courvoisier said...

I don't know Rum if you want that.
It is a confusing state.
You go along with the we just friends and then before you know it someone's feelings gets hurts.

Rum Punch said...

Sigh. Yeah girl. Tell me about it. Like dude get over yourself I just want a movie/concert/lecture buddy. But I guess that's where gay men come in. Where is the will to my inner grace?

Anonymous said...

I absolutely don't believe that two single persons of the sex to which the other is attracted can be platonic friends.

One person always has feelings for the other. Otherwise, they wouldn't be friends. Think about it - how often do you as an adult make new friends of the sex you are not interested in? Very rarely, or they are friends with your SO, or they are people you sorta know from work/school/etc but you don't really hang out with, or they are some person who wanted to be your friend, but you were not interested in them romantically so you went ahead because it seemed safe and they didn't SEEM like they were pursuing you that way either. Or you somehow thought that even though you didn't feel any sparks on those dates, you still want to be friends. . .and the person agreed and you thought that was the end of it.

In the world of male/female relationships, I don't even think it is possible for there to be a platonic friendship unless at least one of the party is in a relationship (once everyone is over. . say 16 years of age). And again, I must always remind people that just because you have absolutely no interest in your friend doesn't mean they feel that way. And just because they haven't made a move (that you have noticed) doesn't mean feelings aren't there.

You will not believe the amount of times I've been on both sides of a conversation that has gone like this:

"I am interested in you romantically and I've given you all these signs and even asked you out a couple times yet you just treat it as if I'm being friendly"

"What signs? When did you ask me out?"

"Remember when I did X, Y and Z? I asked you to dinner. . .alone, on a Saturday night, to be followed by bumping and grinding at the club. . .which we did and then you left with some other dude".

"I thought you just wanted to hang out. . ."

Yep, people can be so oblivious that they'll go on a date and not even know it. Because they're just being friendly. And they are not interested, so there's no way that other person likes them like that.

Rum Punch said...

And Kamakula shut 'er down! The scenario you described was pretty hilarious and on point. Mind flashes back to my younger days and telling dudes just that. Oh to be young and dumb and think there's a plethora of dudes to turn down. :-(