WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, August 20, 2010

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

My little younger (because he is over 6 feet tall) brother and I got into an argument the other night. Like a for real, voices raised argument. This is kind of a big deal because we rarely argue and were taught as youngsters not to yell at each other. This, I realized is why when other people argue all loud – I get really uncomfortable and just want to disappear, but that is not the point of this post.

The point is that I just wanted one simple thing – for my brother to take me to the airport next week. And he said no. And I don’t be taking the word ‘no’ so well. (Yes, I'ma take this single, carefree, girl, do you' time and work on that. Maybe. Heh.) Especially not from family who I lean and depend on lots. So then he went into this whole, “you need to ask other people to help you do things because I may not always be here (like in the area here - not, not alive here) and then what you gon’ do?” But what he really meant was: you need to call one of those nigs you tell me be taking you to dinner and such and make them put their money where their mouth is. And other clich├ęs.And then I was like, “well you bet not ask me for nuffin.” And then he said, “what do I ever ask you for?”

Which shut my mouth. Cause ummm…he doesn’t really ask me for anything. And then I got to thinking what do men ask women for? To do for them? I mean beside the obvious. Huzzah!

I mean no man is going to ask me to come put this couch together (which I asked one to do), or help me clean my basement and take this heavy stuff to the trash can (which I have also done), oh and can you go ahead and change these light bulbs that are allll the way up there and maybe wash my car real quick?

Honestly, I have a very hard time asking for help. From anyone. Period. I really don’t like for other people who are not family to go out of their “way” to do things for me. Yes, it is somewhat cray cray when you think about how long I have known the people in my life and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. And people who I’m only quasi-cool with ask me to do seemingly random things for them and I usually comply if I can – so yeah it’s probably something else I should work on. But…That said, I really try to minimize my asking of men folk to do things, because…

Well because like Courvoisier brought up on Monday, once we get grown, men and women are never really just “friends” - so knowing this, and because I try to be a decent human being, I feel some typa way about inviting a nig over just so he can mow my lawn or spackle my wall or help me paint the living room. Cause I know, I just know that he ain’t coming over just out the goodness of his heart. And here he is probably thinking he’s building up credit, waiting for the right moment to strike and meanwhile I’m just glad someone else is doing the work I don't wanna do. At all.

Cause let's keep it real and funky, I am only an I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman by default. In the other life that I live in my head, I strongly believe in the separation of labor. Men do the heavy lifting and take out the trash. When they are around – I mean I do take out my own trash - hence the real life default setting. But no man wants to be used just for his muscles. I’m guessing of course. But I would liken it to the way I wouldn’t want to be used just for what I got ‘tween my legs.

But I think the reason, the real reason I went off on my brother, was because he hit me where it hurts. Made me think about the what ifs? What if there ain’t neva no other nig who loves me enough that I can call on him? And ask him if he could come over and _______? Put together this table. Or take me to the airport. Or kill the spider up above my head. Or pump the gas – all the time. And do most of the driving. Or unclog the toilet. Or shovel this snow. Or rub my feet cause it's Tuesday. What if it’s just me, always depending on my brother, then he gets married and has kids, and they [reluctantly] move me in the house and I’m like the crazy auntie they keep upstairs and slide meals to like in Soul Food?

Yes, the mind is a terrible thing to let run free. But I’m just saying. Right now my younger brother is all I got. And even that gravy train might be pulling away from the station. Especially if keep coming with all these mashed potatoes, smothered chicken, and Thanksgiving sized turkey requests. (Sidenote why did I recently ask my granny why white people's gravy is always white. She was like, "I'ont know. I don't think they use no drippins. Heh.) Sigh. Oh well. Guess if push comes to shove, there's always this place.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

This song is giving me life right now! I love me some Bilal! I love that this is in black and white! I love that he's singing w/ no mic and his voice fills the room and is so clear and crisp! And I really love that there is absolutely nooo, nothing from the audience. Not a whisper. Not a giggle. Not a 'that boy is sangin' good' moan. Nuffin. It's like everyone is mesmerized. Captivated. In awe. Like literally holding they breath, taking it in, enjoying the beauty, and thinking it over.


Courvoisier said...

Rum - I feel like it is a double edged sword... Do men really want a woman who can do everything for herself? And I am sorry NEGROS ask me to do stuff all the time!

The reason I don't ask folks for ish is I can't take 'No' coming from men. It has to do with my relationship with my dad I know it.

Rum Punch said...

@ Courvoisier - I know! I got the most random request from a Negro the other day and was like ok? LOL! But according to Dark and Stormy, I am too nice. Tee hee.

Anyway. I agree, I don't think men are cool with not being needed. But please believe it's not like I'm doing all my home repairs myself, I am just paying Jose to do things.

Annndddd...a part of me feels that our generation of men are not that handy anyways. Let me tell you my next door neighbor revealed to me that he built his entire deck/porch himself. I was like say whaaaa?! I need to start hittin up some contractor conferences cause that's the kinda man I need in my life. F-that Ivy League degree - Negro, do you know how to pour concrete and put up some dry wall? Let's get it!

Hmmm...I think I don't like to ask because I don't like to burden people unnecessarily. I'm sure if I went to some therapy sessions - we could work all of this out. Lol.

dark n stormy said...

You are a fool for that rent-a-husband site!!! LOL. Guess you can't call that nig I said you were too nice to? heh. Jokes aside, I truly understand your sentiment. This here independent woman finds Super Shuttle or a taxi quite reliable for airport transfers. I'm just saying...

Rum Punch said...

@ Dark n stormy - :-) Apparently there are several sites w/ that same concept. So kudos to them for tapping into the market. Ha @ calling that nig. Let's have him get a car first. And regarding the Super Shuttle, you know I'm a "miser." That's the last, last, last resort. LOL!

Dirty Red said...

Uhhh ladies.... can I interrupt your "niggas ain't shit" rant for a minute?
Uhhh yeah.... there are a lot of dudes out here that still want to do all the shit that you said you want done. But the problem is we don't want to feel like we are getting used and played and the other problem is that whole Independent, I pay my own car note and bills and buy my own cloths, I don't need a man bullshit. I really appreciate the fact that there a lot of women now-a-days that say they are "independent", but that shit stops when you need a man to do the shit you don't want to do. It don't work both ways. If you didn't need me then, you don't need me now. And here is a little secret.....
If you want a man to do shit for you.... Don't ask. A real man will see what you need and handle up on that without you saying a word. Always asking for a nigga to do shit for you makes us think the only reason allow us to breath the same air as you is because you need us for your dirty work. Not a good look.

Rum Punch said...

@ Dirty Red - I don't think that my post was a nyggas aint shyt rant. If anything it was a very real fear that if my brother stops helping me, then who can I run to? (Cue Xscape. Or the Jones Girls. Depnding on what era you from) For free. Emphasis on for free. I mean I can always call Jose n'em.

And I feel you, I don't want to use a man for just his muscles - and I know that dudes who are feeling me would come "help" me - but they are hoping for something else that I don't want to give. I had a paragraph in there that I deleted about how I wouldn't call Minty or Amaretto to come help me move this furniture - even though we are friends. LOL!

But I agree that if there is a dude and we are mutually feeling each other - then I should just be able to mention a home project and his response should be, "what time you want me to come over?" But key word is mutual. That has yet to happen. Heh.

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