and it burns like hell going down.
Note: not all of it sucks, like the Friday afternoon cocktail parties in that random conference room (or is that just my job?) and the after work happy hours that go until midnight. those are pretty nice. Oh and the weekend trips to New Orleans and the A-T-L and the All-Star Game are fantastic, made possible by that sucky 9 to 5.
but let’s stay focused. From about 24 years old to like 30ish life sucks. And I think I've figured out why…
It’s the lies…oh the lies we were told about the world of work. Went something like this:
“Son, daughter, sister, brother, homielover friend…anything is possible, whatever you want you can have.”
Boooooo double booooo! No it’s not. Everything is not possible, you can’t have it all, certainly not RIGHT NOW, and maybe not ever. you have to work hard, harder than you ever thought you would or ever wanted to work for anything in your whole life and you still may not get it.
Remember when your mama used to sit you down after she got your cute little report card in the mail and say baby, I’m so proud of you. You so smart, you can be anything you want to be.
Again I scream nooooo! I can’t! Cause I want to make six figures but I don’t want to have to work more than 80 hours per week at a big law firm where smug white boys (and girls) commonly called partners control my life, decide what work assignments I do and don’t get, and generally relegate me to a holding pattern for the first 3-5 years of my career where I get little to no substantive work but all the document review I can stomach. Now that’s real specific to my situation but ya’ll feel me right? In my mind, “you can be anything you want” meant literally just that with an “at any time” clause added on to the end.
Remember those stories of the 20 year old millionaires, the whiz kids who could catapult themselves straight to the top of the charts, even 'yonce is my age (allegedly) and she's doing all kinds of fantastical things, pushing directv and shit. Meaning I could be one of Ebony's top 30 under 30, fashioning a fabulous career for myself without toiling in the trenches.
Like those weird AT&T commercials where my phone can work in Tuscanewaustinland, I want to be a travelawyriterboutiqueowner person. But alas, if I also want to pay my student loans and save some money to buy a house I can’t be that, at least not right now.
And this is the cold hard truth I have to face on a daily basis. Swallowing that bitter pill that maybe just maybe it will take time (like more than 1 year) and even then maybe I can’t be every thing I always wanted to be. But where do I (we) go from here?
We can’t become our parents, working for the same employer at that thankless job for 20 to 30 years, collecting that fat pension check at the end of it all and riding off into retirement. Partly because we want to be fulfilled by our professions and overwhelmingly because those jobs don’t exist anymore. When’s the last time you started a new job and they told you, “oh yes, new employee, part of your benefits include a pension, fully funded by us.” Naw shorty! what you will get is the option of setting up a 401(k) where you make all your own investing decisions whether you are competent to do so or not and you will be lucky if you get a company match on that beesch.
As for solutions, I’m still trying to work through my own. I’ve made my 5 year plan of the skills I want to acquire, rather than what job I want to hold down, worrying less about the number of positions I’ll have during my twenties and more about branding mint julep as the ultimate legalwriternetworkerwoman and adding valuable names and faces to my rolodex.
Or you could try what this guy did. he’s trying out one job a week for a year. after graduating from college he became one of the "new workers wavering on the threshold of real life, determined to get it right, they say, and fearful that they might get it wrong." All the details are over here.
damn I wish I had thought of that first.
5 comments:
Yes and Amen!
I don’t think we were lied to per se…
But someone neglected to tell us how “real” life can sometimes delay our dreams and make us into practical, rational, stagnant adults. I guess in their own way they tried to warn us with their “Wait ‘til You get Grown” type statements.
A couple weeks ago I had a fireside chat with the VP of my department (old white man, worked for the same company for 30 years). He could see my discontent and while he gave me some things I didn’t think about before (I do take wisdom now matter where it comes from), he also essentially said I hadn’t paid all my dues. Ha! I thinks I have. I don’t know how long he thinks I should keep paying, but it won’t be for much longer...
Love your plan to acquire skills and not necessarily have a certain title by a specific age. I think I might have to adopt that perspective myself.
I toiled in the field as a reporter for three black newspapers in Milwaukee. Hey, I was so broke that I would go the brewery by my house and have a beer and a ham sandwich. And everybody kep saying "Got to pay your dues, boy/Got to pay your dues,boy"...I was like, "Hey, what the f**k do you think i'm doing!!!" Although I hated it at the time, it really taught me how to write any kind of article: News story, feature, editorial, etc. I've just finished writing a column for a black weekly. And they have me do feature stories for them too. And I can do it all at home.
I know it sometimes seems all so distant from where you want to be. But i'm sur toiling "in the fields" is going to pay off big time for you.
there are only 2 options: we work hard now or we work hard later -- whatevas your goal don't lose sight and remember to keep score on progress; folks ain't lie to us they told us -- but our generation is so indulgent that now that we're caught up it's like damn did i really want all this?
It doesn't matter what industry you're in, most people have paid some sort of dues. Things you are doing now will help shape that travelawyriterboutiqueowner. I was 23, employed, benefits, with dreams and aspirations and thought I was the sh*t with the work I was doing till I met with a VP, who was a brother and told me that I haven't done sh*t yet. That real talk made me come up with a plan to accomplish real things by 30 and I smashed it by 27. And where I'm at now is a lot better than where I would have been. All this to say, stay on course, it's gonna come in due time.
Great post!....see I have been having an ongoing conversation with my BF & BFF for a while now.....I know what I don't want.....I don't want to be an average person worker at an average job.....I know that sounds bad but the bad thing is I feel right now that is what describes my life.....It's good to know that I'm not the only 20 something out here struggling with trying to find that balance of what I love and what career I chose.
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