Wanted: Mr. Right! (But Will Consider Mr. Right Enough)

So my Caucasian co-worker came back from her honeymoon and announced, “I’s married now.” Ok. She didn’t. But she did come back from her honeymoon after marrying a corporate lawyer who whisks her off to London or the Caribbean for romantic four day weekends; and this got me thinking about dating, race and options…yes, this is how my mind works. Crazy ain’t it?

So, in my days of unemployment and underemployment which can be described as when I was working night jobs, I watched a lot of television. One of my favorite shows was Dr. Phil. Oh how I loved the drama. Anyway. Sometimes a white woman would come on Dr. Phil talking about how she couldn’t find a husband, she was looking everywhere, blah, blah, but she just couldn’t find Mr. Right. So of course Dr. Phil would ask what kind of man she wanted and she would have some crazy stipulation like “he can’t have back hair…” That’s not crazy, you say, who wants someone with back hair? Ok, no one. But here’s the thing, when you can go past the basics of what kind of man you want to be with, you know general physical appearance, character, personality, values, etc., and get that specific about what you want in a mate, well then you have options. You can dream big, scour the earth for that ‘perfect man’ and have fun whilst doing it. And you will probably find him.

Meanwhile across the railroad tracks, on the Black side of town, Black women just want a man who has a job, ain’t living with his mama and doesn’t have more than one baby mama. And sometimes we’re just hoping for one out of the three. We wish we could worry about something as trivial as back hair. Is this fair? No. But as Earth, Wind & Fire sang, That's the Way of the World. So as Black women we are often times left lacking the same dating options. And it’s starting to piss me off.

As a professional, college educated woman, I am looking for someone of that same caliber but am continually coming up empty handed. And as a means to ease my pain, Essence & Co. publish those infamous “The Man You Never Thought You Would Date”, or “Have You Considered Dating A Blue Collar Worker?” articles. What? I don’t wanna. Is that elitist? Yes, just a little but I don’t hear anyone tell White college educated women, “oh you can’t find someone on par with you, have you thought about dating the bus driver? You know they make good money too girl and they have job security.” Oh yeah that’s right, they don’t have to. Cause they have options.

Case in point, I love watching Sex and the City but do you realize how many men those women ran through? And they still complained that they couldn’t find the ‘one.’ Oh he was slightly effeminate and had a fear of mice, Charlotte kept it moving; oh he liked to watch porn whilst they were having sex, Miranda kept it moving; oh he loved her so much and asked her to marry her but Carrie just didn’t feel the same way, so she kept it moving. Why? Because they had options. It’s a television show, you say. Yes, but it was written by white folk and mirrors the dating experiences of white women who learned early on that if they don’t like the lawyer, then a doctor is right around the corner and if that doesn’t work out then mama’s going to find her a stock broker. They keep it moving because they can. And it’s just not fair. *Sigh* But it’s the way of the world.

When I was in undergrad, I took a class called African American Political Thought Since 1865, or Black Thought as my friend and I called it. One day we discussed feminism vs. womanism and how womanism came out of Black women’s rejection of feminism. Why’s that? Well professor explained that the basis of feminism was that white women wanted to be more than their husband, children and job. To which I replied, “Shoot, that’s all a Black woman wants.” Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me a Black woman ain’t happiest when she has a huzband, some kids and that good government job. Well and Jesus, but let’s stay focused…It seems that often times as Black women we want what may seem to be the bare minimum because we are lacking the options to have something better.

Often times it seems that professional Black women, shoot Black women in general are scraping and fighting for the same man. Believe me I’ve watched enough Judge Mathis, Joe Brown and Divorce Court to know that it’s all kinds of Black women fightin over a man who ain’t hardly no good. This is mainly because they don’t see any other viable options. And I’ve gone to enough Black bougie functions to see 10 women to every man, with women clawing to find the few straight men out of the bunch. Because we don’t see any other viable options. I suppose logic tells us to expand our horizons, to date outside of our economic and educational class and dare I say even our own race. But sometimes I wish it weren't so hard. I wish there were a level playing field when it comes to dating. But there isn't. And unfortunately, that's the way of the world.