The Big Payback

Hey! Gotta gotta pay back!! (The big payback)
Revenge!! I’m mad (the big payback)
Got to get back! Need some get back!! Pay back! (the big payback)
That’s it!! Payback!!! Revenge!!!
I’m mad!!!

The Payback, James Brown


I am mad as hell today. Pissed off. Fuming. Infuriated. Seeing red.

You know the saying when it rains, it pours? Well I’m drenched.

My tax refund was intercepted by the thugs I borrowed money from to pay my tuition. Yes, I was behind on a couple of payments but I’m sorry that the cost of everything has risen in the past few months while my salary hasn’t increased nary a cent. So I have to play “Wheel of Payments” when its time to pay the bills. The object of the game is to spin the wheel to see who will be paid this month. Sorry Sallie Mae- Washington Gas, AT&T Wireless, Mortgage Company, and Dark & Stormy’s Cupboard beat you, but try again next month! Here’s a free spin chip for the next round…

Now I know I’m wrong for not paying the thugs on time. But did they have to take the entire refund? Don’t they know a poor person such as me had BIG PLANS for $2K? The crib needs painting. A new stereo for mom’s birthday. Airfare & hotel for summer trip to Trinidad. A digital camera, ‘cause I’m the only person still dropping off my disposable camera to the CVS. And a lil’ sumthin' for the savings account. Why not take half? Two thirds?

I know, I know… That’s not how things work for the underdog. And the thugs want their payback.

So when I realized they took the money, I was upset but wasn’t really sweatin’ it. I figured I’ll just have to settle for a road trip to the beach this summer and add the other items from my to-do list to the “Wheel of Payments”. I gave the thugs a phone call to determine my new balance since they had just received a hefty payment. The conversation went like this…

Call Center Rep: Ms. Stormy, it takes 7 to 10 business days for any recent payments to be reflected in your balance.

D&S: So you can snatch up my money immediately but cannot post it to my account with the same swiftness?

Call Center Rep: That’s correct.

D&S: Okaaaayyyy (Wasn't ready for that response)...
Well when everyone is done twiddling their thumbs, can you please send me a statement in the mail documenting the amount you intercepted and the remaining balance?

Call Center Rep: Yes ma’am we can. Also we need you to make a $XXX.XX payment to bring your account current. We can assist you in working out an affordable plan for payment during subsequent months.

Starting to see red.

D&S: Umm… Didn’t you just take a couple thousand from me? That was just about half of what I owe you. Subtract your down payment from that.

Call Center Rep: The refund intercept cannot be counted as a down payment because it was not a voluntary payment.

Temperature rising and palms getting sweaty.

D&S: LOL! Excuse me for laughing, but I’m at work right now so I can't let anyone see me cry. Only white girls can cry on the J-O-B and still be considered competent individuals.

Call Center Rep: Ms. Stormy if you do not bring the account current, our next step will be pursuit of wage garnishment.

Rising up outta my chair, mind cloudy with visions of kickin’ ass .

D&S: What in the hell? Haven’t you garnished enough for one week? Y’all are straight trippin’! This conversation is so over. WTF…

CLICK.

I’m mad.

I want revenge. I want revenge. I want revenge.

Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy

** Called back later that evening and set up payment arrangements. I may be a fool at times but I ain’t crazy. Damned thugs. **