When Being a Punk is Necessary

There are like three things I know for certain about myself. Numero Uno: My favorite color is green-pretty much all shades except the lime and electric varieties. Number 2: I *HEART* Sour Patch Kids-having a raw mouth is totally worth the chewy gummy goodness. And lastly, I can say that I have never ever ever been in a fight! Well let me be honest…there was that time I had to kick my cousins butt over the remote because I refused to watch The Last Dragon one mo ‘gin! I mean how many times can a girl be subjected to Sho’Nuff and watching Bruce Leroy glow trying to save his family’s pizza place?! But I’m proud of the fact that I have never had to meet someone down by the oak tree at three o’clock…

But I ain’t gonna lie there was a time that I almost got my ass beat! Come go with me back to 1998. I was a junior in high school who was able to attend the senior prom. Oh the things I saw that night as the class of ’98 got down with the get down. Some fashions were fabulous, and others well… So the next week back on the school yard I decided to share and care with the masses the things that I saw. There was this one girl who’s outfit I felt was a hot mess. Picture a 300 plus pound woman wearing a lot of blue sheer and flowing material in the “I Dream of Jeannie” fashion… thankfully she had some sort of crush blue velvet material covering her stomach area. Oh, and the look was completed with a clip-on ponytail and the blue satin shoes that elves and apparently genies wear. Well as I told my “Somebody Should Have Told Her…” tale to the masses, I was completely unaware that “Jeannie’s” hateful cousin was in the crowd. Rut, roh! Well word got back to me that Jeannie and ‘em were looking for me to talk about some things. How many of ya’ll know that 300 plus pound women, tend to roll with 300 plus pound women? These girls had big man hands, big ole breasts, and big shinny boots-perfect for kicking me down and stomping my head. They were more than capable of putting your girl in a wheelchair for life!

And for the following days, I was a total and complete punk! And I say that proudly. I was looking over my shoulder, quickening my pace to and from class. I mean I didn’t have the type of friends who would run out of AP classes ready to rumble with razors and brass knuckles, my friends would more likely visit me in the hospital with flowers and fruits baskets. But then one day on my way to the bathroom, I found myself completely alone in the hallway with one of the Big’un girls in Jeannie’s crew…

Let me tell you I love fruit baskets ya’ll.

But I didn’t get beat down that day, because I was able to appeal to Big’un. I stated the case for why violence was not the answer and how unwise it would be for her t kick my ass in her Senior year. And if she thought I wasn’t going to press assault and battery charges she was crazy. I told her to think about MLK and the Black on Black crime rates and how we should strive to not be statistics… Okay, I’m sorry that’s the version I’m going to tell my kids…The truth was she told me that Jeannie’s name should never ever come out of my mouth again and if it did I was going to get what I “deserved”. So much for free speech right? And when she was finished telling me that she was sparing me, I apologized and said that it would never happen again...

Thank the Lord for salvation…and I didn’t pee on myself!

But let’s just say that this happened in 2008, would I have been so lucky? Now that everyone has an anger problem? Especially when folks are begging for the right to bear arms based on a constitutional condition that was written when folks lived in the wilderness. And ain’t nobody tryin’ to hear anything other than what they are saying, or ain’t caring about nobody else but themselves. I know that if this situation where to happen today, I wouldn’t be standing tall, taking my earrings off-asking someone to go get me some Vaseline… I’d be like Forrest Gump and be ruuuuunnnning…

And that’s the fourth thing I know for sure about myself!

See You In Seven