Three Ways to Get a Husband While Singing In the Comeback Choir

One of my homegirls called me last week elated because she won something on the radio for the very first time. Her prize: two tickets to Tyler Perry’s latest theatrical production, The Marriage Counselor. My first thought was, “I hope she does not invite me.” Isn’t that terrible? I cannot help but get a bad taste in my mouth when I start to think about being an audience member of the latest chitlin’ circuit performance. And yet there is also a tiny voice in my head telling me I’m wrong for harboring negative feelings about such products of hard work and testaments of success of the people in my community.

We all know Tyler Perry’s bio by now. The brother was living out of his car at one point and damn near went broke trying to stage his first play. His second play, Woman Thou Art Loosed, grossed over $5 million in five months. According to Entertainment Weekly, Perry averaged a little over $21 million per opening weekend for each of his last four box office smashes. And he is not alone in his conquest of the afro-thespian market. David E. Talbert, Je’Caryous Johnson, and Gary Guidry join him in the ranks. And I cannot speak on this subject without mentioning Mr. Shelly Garrett of the forever infamous Beauty Shop.

I love an inspirational story as much as the next person. But these plays all follow the same formula for every script:

• Characters: Main Character (MC); MC’s love interest; mother/big mama/other black woman who raised MC (must wear big wig, housecoat, and DD-sized sagging breasts); next door neighbor or co-worker who is also close friend & confidant; lover from the past who reappears after years of absence & still in love with MC; the bad seed/vindictive tramp/adulterous deacon from the church.
• At least four musical numbers. One must be a love ballad and one a moral dilemma.
• Stirring gospel rendition that brings the audience to their feet is a given.
• Starring actors and singers who are very talented but been out of work for a few months. Leon, Kelly Price, Tamela & David Mann, Billy Dee Williams, Morris Chestnut, and Richard Roundtree are some of the usual suspects.

And you know church groups from all over plan a day trip out around the productions. Their charter buses be lined up outside the theater with signs on the front windows that read “First Rising Mount Zion Baptist”, “Mosley A.M.E.”, and “Sacred Hearts Soul Redemption Temple”. After the play, they board the bus and head to Golden Corral, Crate & Barrel, or Shoney's.

Knowing that my people are the writers, directors, musical directors, choreographers, and production crew makes me very proud. But are all of our stories about heartache, inability to find a good wo/man, and learning to love the Lord? For every Talbert or Perry, where are the aspiring black playwrights to continue the legacies of Lorraine Hansberry, James Baldwin, August Wilson, Goerge C. Wolfe, and Suzan-Lori Parks?

I don't think it would bother me so much if similar productions existed within other ethnic communities.

Have you ever heard of:

• Mom, I'm marrying a black man, starring Margaret Cho?
• Papi, te amo!, starring Cheech Marin?
• Where is my Mazal Tov?, starring Mayim Bialik and Mindy Cohn?

Exactly.

I fear that we are type casting ourselves. Pigeon-holing each other. Creating stereotypical roles and masterfully portraying them to a T. I'm almost afraid to say it but, in the words of Granny 'Retto, shuckin' and jivin'.

Some may think that's a stretch but I doubt it. Who better than black folk to properly portray us to the rest of the world? The chitlin' circuit played a very significant role in our history. Once upon a time, there were limited venues that would allow black entertainers inside their doors. Today it is nothing to see brown faces, on stage and in the house, at the Kennedy Center, Kodak Theatre, and Broadway. Those doors have been opened to us and the sky is the limit.

So why do we still have tunnel vision?

Tunnels lead the way underground. It's time to rise above.

I'm sure Hattie McDaniel is turning in her grave.

Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy