A while back Rum Punch blogged about celibacy by happenstance and celibacy by choice. At the time, I wasn't sure which one I was going through but since then I've been working to convert happenstance to choice for my own "get yo self togetha gurl and yo man will come" reasons. ummmm yeah that was a lie. More like I am celibate just because I want some quality time alone with my tanky (as my mama calls it) and haven't found anyone with whom I'd like to share.
But my celibacy by choice has been my own personal decision, one which I have not divulged with others, except my Ace and Duece Boon Coons. Because usually with this type of goal you don't really want to shout it from the rooftops, "I'm celibate, hear me roar!" Kinda in the same way that you don't go telling everybody that you're on a diet. Cause as soon as some hater or even a well-meaning family member asks you how much you've lost this week when they see you stuffing a piece of star.bucks lemon loaf into your mouth, you start to feel all guilty and stuff. Or you just keep eating that star.buck's lemon loaf like whatevs, at least i'm not as fat as...
Such is the way of things with celibacy. If you slip up and backslide into the land of gettin it in (i love that phrase for absolutely no reason) and somebody finds out about it (like that hater ass girlfriend of yours) you feel all guilty and slutty or all disappointed in your inability to commit to no relations. So I've kept it to myself (well until 1.4 minutes ago when ya'll started reading this), working through my daily struggle to stay on the sex free path with dedication and meditation. I can't speak for men but as a woman, staying celibate is pretty easy for me and should be for most women. Granted we get approached by men at least twice daily and if we wanted to partake of certain activities, we could easily find a willing male participant. But you just have to remove all temptations from your life. Stop taking calls from your old stand-by call in case of emergency brotha and take lots of showers under that really really forceful showerhead. Get involved in civic activities and do things to occupy your mind and you're straight.
Until...
You get presented with some goodies you always wanted! Or maybe I'm the only one with a list of men who I find *uckable and would seriously consider if given the chance? Last week, I just happened to be presented with the possibility of the chance at maybe getting a little closer to a "platonic" friend of mine. I've known this friend for a minute and I've always found him sexy, especially his body, his muscles, his...., yeah but we've been just friends. And for most of the time that I've known him, he's had a girl or I had a guy. ...
I won't go into the details here (a girl should have some secrets) but let's just say there was alcohol involved, words spoken, lusty looks given and I pretty much walked away from the possibility when I realized where things might be headed. And it wasn't because I didn't want to ruin the friendship, cause I feel like friends can make the best lovers. I think it's especially crazy when women hold back from pursuing something with a good male friend because they don't want to ruin the friendship. wtf? So you'd rather be alone or out here dating these fools who aint bout nothing when you have a perfectly good male friend who knows you and likes you and wants to see if ya'll can build a relationship. And I didn't walk away because of my celibacy commitment, at least not at the moment when I called a cab to take me home. At that moment, it was more because my head was spinning and I was pretty sure that if I stayed things might get ugly, in a head-over-toilet-bowl way.
In retrospect I'm alternatively kicking myself for passing up the chance and thanking God that I didn't go through with it. With a clearer head, I remember the months I've put into this celibacy thing and I've been wondering would it worth it to wash away all that time built up. But since I'm mint julep, I've also been imagining what it would be like and how much I'd really really really like to! And I mean really, have you seen this guy, hot sex on a platter ya'll!...
In retrospect I'm alternatively kicking myself for passing up the chance and thanking God that I didn't go through with it. With a clearer head, I remember the months I've put into this celibacy thing and I've been wondering would it worth it to wash away all that time built up. But since I'm mint julep, I've also been imagining what it would be like and how much I'd really really really like to! And I mean really, have you seen this guy, hot sex on a platter ya'll!...
For sure, that moment when I almost stepped over the line from friends to friends who have kissed, touched, etc. has passed and who knows if it can be recreated. I want to but do I, should I?
8 comments:
those friends with benefits arrangements can be tricky...not something I'd want to get tangled up in, sounds like you realy feeling him and if the sex is bomb, you can get caught up real quick..unless of course dude is open to the possibility of you guys being an item, now thats a lil different
If you're 'feeling' him like that, I would just discuss it with him and see it the two of you could be headed in the same direction. Who knows, it could be the right time for both of you to approach the other 'possibilities'.
I don't think mint julep meant friends w/benefits just because the brother is her friend...
Go for it girl! You only live and you're not coming back (c) Salt-n-Pepa... I agree with you about friends making the best lovers. There's always the possibility that things don't go the way you want/expect them to but how would you find out what "could be" without stepping out there?
if you want to maintain the celibacy thing stop thinking about him. if the mind continues to conceive the act, it basically is already done. won't be long before you speak it and once you speak it (you already have) you'll be more likely to do it. words have power.
Man! Just when I was about to cosign and encourage debauchery, jaybee came in with truth and logic. Oh what to do, what to do? I mean celibacy is cool and all. But sometimes you just wanna get you some. And get it in. Without the strings. Without the labels. Without the guilt. So what I was gonna say originally is that I've seen this man and he is foine! And you leaving town in a couple of weeks. Girl, get you some! But in all seriousness, it all depends on what being celibate means to you. Was it a means to an end? Was it a way for you to move on past certain situations/people and now you feel you've established enough distance? Was it until you found someone you really liked and wanted to be with in a relationship? And the all important question, how will you feel, after the morning after? When you're all, "where are my panties?"
temptation is a b****, but if you get in i pray that its good & therefore worth it - 'cuz ain't nothing worse than being disappointed!
yeah i kinda already pretty much made up my mind but seeing it on comments helped my thot process. very interesting!
@ anon and funky, it's always a good idea to dicuss these things with the other person involved.
@ stormy, you nailed it, it wouldn't be friends with benefits, see rum's comment.
@ jaybee, wise words man.
@ rum, you always come with the thot provoking questions. all i gotta say is HOARD! real HOARD! LMAO!
@ bellini, girl yes!
Hey. I know exactly what you're going through. You worded my own reasons and my exact problem. Ha! Respect.
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