A highly scientific (read: arbitrary and capricious) survey says I will get married in 4 years and 1 month. That would put me at age 31 when it comes time to jump the broom, around the same age as my Mama when she first got married. Although said survey is one of those chain letter-type deals someone sent me on face.book, its results are pretty close to where I always imagined I’d be when I said I do.
I probably decided on the early 30’s time frame as ideal for marriage as a result of my mother’s experience. She’s been sort of a benchmark for how things should go in my life because she’s my Mama and we are a whole lot alike. I suppose if she had gotten married at age 21, I’d be in some sort of frenetic panic right about now over my singlehood. But my Mama always taught me to be independent and to enjoy my life, taking every opportunity to do things when I was young and unattached that I might think twice about once I got married and had kids. Trust, she still had football parties on Sunday afternoons with her social club, the Royal Satins, and traveled to the Ba.you Classic every Thanksgiving while leaving us with my Grandmama. But I understood where she was coming from and admired that she had gotten her degree and started her career before she got married and had my sisters and I.
But since I’ve recently crossed firmly over into my post-25 years, marriage and all things remotely related to the institution seem to be encroaching on my space more frequently. Just a couple of years ago, I remember saying to someone that the marriage bug hadn’t hit my friends yet because I didn’t really know anyone who was getting married.
Yet, in the span of a couple years, engagements and marriages are on the tip of everyone’s tongue, parties and ceremonies are filing up weekends in my social calendar, and wonderings about finding a man with huz-band potential are clogging my dinner conversations. Everyone (read: everywoman) is either getting married or talking about the desire to do so although thankfully some women are bravely trying to avoid the topic all together.
Some of my single women friends are showing the first signs of marriage panic: holding on to that boyfriend who they don’t really like just a little too long or being a little too bitter when another woman, who they deem unworthy, gets engaged before them.
I’m definitely not above all of this angst and anxiety for I believe if you’re human and you’re a woman, with few exceptions, you’ve lamented and cried errr..... thought about getting married.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED! There, I said it! It ain’t so bad to admit it. I even got my dress picked out. Shouts to Rum for the inspiration. I sometimes let my imagination wander when I’m raising my glass for the lovely couple at an engagement party or wedding. I smile when I see two lovers on the A train, eyes locked, fingers laced, hips aligned and I clap with joy inside when I catch their pair of matching rings. Ahhhh marriage! Ahhh love really. I’m a loveaholic!
But even as I enjoy these sights and let my mind indulge in a moment’s romance with the idea of marriage, at this point in my life, I don’t feel that all consuming pressure to be married RIGHT NOW. I haven't yet been afflicted with that heedy neediness, what I imagine must be a swift suffocating chokehold, like an elephant on your chest that wakes you up in a panic in the middle of the night, wondering WILL I EVER GET MARRIED? I pray it doesn’t hit me and that if it does I’ll be able to roll over, snuggle back into my husband’s arms and think to myself…wheeww it was all just a nightmare.
I probably decided on the early 30’s time frame as ideal for marriage as a result of my mother’s experience. She’s been sort of a benchmark for how things should go in my life because she’s my Mama and we are a whole lot alike. I suppose if she had gotten married at age 21, I’d be in some sort of frenetic panic right about now over my singlehood. But my Mama always taught me to be independent and to enjoy my life, taking every opportunity to do things when I was young and unattached that I might think twice about once I got married and had kids. Trust, she still had football parties on Sunday afternoons with her social club, the Royal Satins, and traveled to the Ba.you Classic every Thanksgiving while leaving us with my Grandmama. But I understood where she was coming from and admired that she had gotten her degree and started her career before she got married and had my sisters and I.
But since I’ve recently crossed firmly over into my post-25 years, marriage and all things remotely related to the institution seem to be encroaching on my space more frequently. Just a couple of years ago, I remember saying to someone that the marriage bug hadn’t hit my friends yet because I didn’t really know anyone who was getting married.
Yet, in the span of a couple years, engagements and marriages are on the tip of everyone’s tongue, parties and ceremonies are filing up weekends in my social calendar, and wonderings about finding a man with huz-band potential are clogging my dinner conversations. Everyone (read: everywoman) is either getting married or talking about the desire to do so although thankfully some women are bravely trying to avoid the topic all together.
Some of my single women friends are showing the first signs of marriage panic: holding on to that boyfriend who they don’t really like just a little too long or being a little too bitter when another woman, who they deem unworthy, gets engaged before them.
I’m definitely not above all of this angst and anxiety for I believe if you’re human and you’re a woman, with few exceptions, you’ve lamented and cried errr..... thought about getting married.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED! There, I said it! It ain’t so bad to admit it. I even got my dress picked out. Shouts to Rum for the inspiration. I sometimes let my imagination wander when I’m raising my glass for the lovely couple at an engagement party or wedding. I smile when I see two lovers on the A train, eyes locked, fingers laced, hips aligned and I clap with joy inside when I catch their pair of matching rings. Ahhhh marriage! Ahhh love really. I’m a loveaholic!
But even as I enjoy these sights and let my mind indulge in a moment’s romance with the idea of marriage, at this point in my life, I don’t feel that all consuming pressure to be married RIGHT NOW. I haven't yet been afflicted with that heedy neediness, what I imagine must be a swift suffocating chokehold, like an elephant on your chest that wakes you up in a panic in the middle of the night, wondering WILL I EVER GET MARRIED? I pray it doesn’t hit me and that if it does I’ll be able to roll over, snuggle back into my husband’s arms and think to myself…wheeww it was all just a nightmare.
I kid, I kid. I know some of ya'll are giving me a mean side-eye for that last line right there. But for real, while I'm not pressed to be married tomorrow or even next year I wouldn't mind making one of those grade-school style pacts with, say, a man. who is employed. with no kids. has a 401K. who is sorta kinda all-the-way cute (to me). shouts out to whoever the hell that is!
it'd go something like this:
mint julep: so if, in 4 years and 1 month, you're not married and i'm not married, let's do the damn thang!
guy: OKKK!
1 comment:
i feel you on waiting a little whil.e i sorta have made a pact with someone. it's just in my mind though. she doesn't know. if it comes down to it, i'll be contacting her to let her know.
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