love don't live here anymore

5 And A Possible Presents a Possible: Bahama Mama

Why do we say one thing and mean another? The father of my children (he hates to be called my baby’s daddy) and I have developed a new relationship. I think that we are friends committed to raising our children together for the next seventeen years. He on the other hand refuses to label anything and always brings up the fact that we are not together. N@#ga please! Don’t you think I know that? Every time our girls ask about daddy, or I look through the “family” photo album I am reminded that we are not together. Or better yet, every time I look at another tall, well-built man that she is attracted to (the “she” I speak of is my female equivalent of the other male brain), and approach him, I am blissfully aware of my new found freedom.

Yes, I know that we are not together, but does he? I found myself wondering why he brings up the subject when we are so far from the topic that even mentioning our current predicament seems a bit insane and desperate on his part. At one point I thought that he was off doing his thing, and simply wanted to make sure that we were on the same page. But come on! You got to remind me of this during every conversation? Nah, he has to remind himself. It’s cool that like most men, that his actions don’t run parallel with his words. Somewhere in there he is missing the connection, so typically male.

So, I listen, at times calling him on his BS, but never blurring the lines of our friendship. I don’t sit around waiting for him to come crawling back to us. He goes out, so do I. He gets his, so do I. He admits that he hasn’t explored the sexual world lately leading me to believe that he’s up to his old games again. When I met him he thought that he was saying all the right things and that he got me. If truth be told, I would say I was laughing at all the right moments, inserting my usual smart comments to capture his attention, and let’s face it I knew I was going to sleep with him when I shook his hand and introduced myself. So who got who?

I think what men don’t know and what women forget is that we are rarely coerced into doing something. Many women have an inkling of what they are going to do before they do it. What’s that called? Oh yeah, our intuition. Trust it. If you have a feeling he’s cheating, he probably is. If your gut tells you he ain’t the one, he probably isn’t. Don’t let you’re that intuition tell you one thing, and you do another. It almost always ends up in a disaster. As for me and the father of my children I let his words stand we ain't together. So don’t be mad, labeling me as your main (even though you don’t want to label our relationship) when you feel like you might wanna be with me again. I ain’t his main nothing right now. I am the mother of his children. That’s what I said and that’s what I mean.

until next time,

Bahama Mama