My coworker, a white gay man, visits his grandmother who is 100 years old every other weekend. Now he’s from west bubble Florida where mosquitoes and ‘gators run swamps, and people drink from mayonnaise jars…so its not a stretch for me to assume that when Ms. Granny was less wrinkled racism was alive and well. Okay, let me edit that, I know racism still is alive and well, but back then I can assume a Negro couldn’t walk down the street without rocks being thrown at them or even being spat upon. Coworker has never stated that Granny rode with the knights of the klan or lobed rocks at anyone, but he has said that she has a problem with black people so I need to get images of a sweet old lady out my mind…this chick is ornery at best. She currently has a room by herself because she’s made countless roommates cry. At her old nursing home it was common place that the N word would slip as her often black (or even worse Haitian and Jamaican) nurses would come to wipe her butt. And as coworker tells me these tales I can’t help but chuckle at the fact that the very people that Granny hated and despised are now the ones who are helping to keep her in the land of the living. Ha. Ha. Ha. I guess karma is a b*tch!
But his stories about his beloved granny often get me thinking about that future that looms ahead. I wonder who is going to take care of me when I’m old and wrinkled? I’m going to be sharp, or will my family gather around a woman who hardly remembers? Am I putting out good things in the universe so I don’t end up abused in a home some place? Does it even matter if I put good things out there? These things I ask as I contribute to my 401K plan and try to live my life young and carefree.
But the cares are growing.
I hear my coworker share that nurses dropped her father again and now his arm is broken. Another coworker told me about how his mother’s clothes were taken from her room. And just yesterday my mom tells me that one of my grandmother’s sisters has gone blind. The other has just had a stroke. And still another can hardly get out of bed in the morning due to her arthritis is acting up. All three live in one house with only my grandmother coming to check on them and telling them they need to turn on the air conditioning because it’s 83 degrees in the house, but they sat not noticing the heat.
I guess I just worry about what’s going to happen to me. And before then I wonder how I am going to care for my parents? I’m an only child, they are divorced and there is no longer a community of caring people who I could trust to check in on them, take them a dinner plate or even drive them to the doctor while I’m at work or living hundreds of miles away. Something has failed. What happened to that village that strengthened the weak spots in our lives?
Today I can laugh at a racist old lady horrified of being touched by black folks day in and day out… but tomorrow? Yeah, I just don’t know what’s gonna happen then.
See You in Seven
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5 comments:
sounds like fear as opposed to worry
never adress the unknown
My mother worked in a nursing home..to this day she begs us not to put her in one..because of how she saw the people being treated there.....My friends grandmother cant walk due to a bad hip surgery and she still lives at home she just has a nurse come in and help her from 9 to 5....I dont know I dont worry about those things you just have to pray and hope for the best
Its odd to think of what our futures hold in terms of old age and what will affect us when the time comes.
Hello all! Well some background, in my good government job I work will a lot of middle aged folks who are dealing with their aged parents. I think if this weren’t a factor thoughts of living my life when I’m (and my parents are) golden would be even more in the back of my mind.
@Mr. Stephens: True. I’ve got some fears, but this is still in the worrying phase. I’m not afraid of getting older, I guess I’m more fearful of how the up and coming generation is going to treat me as I maneuver around with my cane-ie are they going to say excuse me or knock me down.
@ Ms. Goddess: Girl, I know your mom has some stories! I’ve been to some and the employees’ (some employees that is) behavior was suspect when we were there…I shudder to think about what it was like when no one was around. I agree, that at the end of the day God’s got it, and so what is gonna happen, is gonna happen whether I worry, or are good, bad or indifferent.
@Mr. Kirk: You’re right, it is odd, but again I blame it on the folks I work with for 8 hours a day. But at the same time it’s foolish not to give some thought to the future. One of my coworkers had to delay burying her sister for nearly 3 weeks because the sister didn’t have insurance and the family had to scrape to get some money together.
as a personal life coach supporting women of color with their life issues, i must say..GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER MY LOVE. yes, it's difficult to think of these things, especially when your're young. hell, i didnt exect to be told to get my affairs in order because i have a terminal illness at 36 years old with,at the time, a husband and 18month old as i was in the middle of my life.. you know, doing my thang, lol! all i had was my trusty blue cross insurance. and i thought i was 'on it' with that.
handle your business love, so there will be no worries.
be well :)
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