WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Monday, August 4, 2008

Best Friends Forever?

Y'all Show Your Love as 5 and a Possible Present: Raspberry Martini

Raspberry Martini:
A classic with a feminine twist. Strong, sweet, and to the point. I am a 20 something teacher who is known for her Type-A personality and humor. Read my entries and you will find musings on my adventures in education (or lack thereof), dating (or lack thereof), and weight loss (or lack thereof).

**Ring Ring** You have reached the Sprint voice mail of..."


Friend: "Hey, Raspberry Martini, I saw that you called…What's up?"
Raspberry Martini: "Yea, I just haven't heard from you in a while. Just wanted to see what was going on. What have you been up to all summer?"
Friend: "Nothing much, just working…"

***Awkward Pause***

Friend: "You know, we should hang out some time."
RM: "Sure! what are you doing this weekend?"
Friend: "Well…um, let me get back to you, I think My Baaaaby may have something planned."

Situation sound familiar?

You call your friend, she doesn't return your call for days. You ask her to hang out, and she never seems to have the time. Your sporadic phone conversations usually come back to one topic. Sometimes you don't even know if you are talking to the same person anymore, and wonder if her personality has been hijacked by some unknown force. Is this friend on drugs you ask? No. Decided to practice Scientology? Nope. Is she mad at you, you ask? No.

She's been dickmatized!!

Perhaps I am being a bit dramatic (all a part of my charm), because most have been there at one point or another: a budding new relationship, a delightfully consuming new beau. Everything he says is incredibly sweet, intelligent, unique, or hilarious. Not to mention, he makes your body tingle like Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap. Suddenly, weeks have passed and you have been conspicuously absent from every social outing with your girls. And you can't understand why, lately, your friends seem to be annoyed with your conversation. Could it be that for the past six months every sentence starts with, "Well *insert mushy boyfriend pet name here* says/thinks/does/feels/ …" Let's face it, while we may be happy for you, and we may want to hear about your happiness (to a point), not everybody is going to think your new man shits diamonds.

My female friends tend to fall into one of two categories concerning new relationships: either they pull a temporary disappearing act (natural when building a new relationship) and return to normal, or they permanently distance themselves because their life becomes a constant orbit around their new Prince Charming. I always feel awkward when his happens because I understand the tempting time warp that your new man can become. However, when you are on the opposite side, you can't help but feel some sort of resentment and hurt that your friend has indefinitely placed you on the back burner.

Do I sound bitter? If so, it's because I am going through this situation with someone I considered a very close friend. We used to talk / text several times a week about any and everything, share secrets and inside jokes, confide in each other about major life decisions, and hang out regularly. We were girls. Now we rarely speak because she returns calls days later and rarely initiates phone calls. She always states, "We should hang out sometime…" like we are schmoozing at some C-Class networking event, but somehow plans never seem to materialize. I chose to keep mum with my feelings and gave her her space in hopes that she would come around at some point. However, when she moved in with her new man without telling me, I knew that our relationship had taken a detour, and I had no idea where we stood anymore. I felt completely left out.

When I finally spoke to her about my feelings, she said: "Well, I don't have a car, so I go where ever My Baaaaby goes." Let us all pause for the lameness of that excuse. At this point, I don't know what to do aside from mourn a formerly close friendship. Her boyfriend is a nice guy and a great catch, but why does that equal disappearing into his world? I am at a loss about what to do, or perhaps, more accurately, frustrated that I can't really do anything about the situation. Do I bring it up again at the risk of alienating her even more? Or do I disappear as well, and if our friendship ever goes off pause mode, hope I can let go of the resentment that has festered.

Internet Diva facade aside, I am a tad bit jealous. Not only because she spends all her time with him, but as I said, he is a great catch. In my present singleness, I would love to have someone to cuddle up with and perhaps build a future. I am still waiting for my catch. Damn, sometimes I'm still waiting for a decent bite or nibble (literally and figuratively). However, mostly, I just miss my homey.

This situation taught me that all relationships take work and dedication. As we grow older, acquiring more responsibilities and commitments, time and energy become increasingly scarce and therefore sacred. I guess as my friends start to pair off, get married, and procreate, our relationships will change and shift. Is this all a part of growing up? Unfortunately, it is. How you and your friend decide to navigate the new terrain of your friendship will help you decide if they are there for a reason, season, or a lifetime. What I've learned from being on the other side is that through life's changes it is important to continue to nurture all of your relationships---romantic or otherwise. You never know, three days can easily become three years – and life doesn't have a pause button.

Keep it Shaken,

Raspberry Martini


Anonymous said...

Balance is key!!!! Balance is a term very much relavent to natural life/living, and even more so in the metaphysical, but thats too long of a conversation right now LOL... Even the body thru all its miraculous mechanics strices for a natural balance called homeostasis.
We all need balance and the universe requires it.

Amaretto said...

I agree with Anon, it is about balance.

But I also understand that when a relationship is new and exciting then its all too easy for a girl to forget her girls. Especially if she's been a dutch participant in one too many Ladies Nights. And your friend might be of the thinking that you'll always be there because that's the type of friend that you've shown her you are... which says a lot about you. But also I don't think its right for her neglect to leave you on disgruntled status. So I say that you chill, don't take it personally, ease up on your reaching out, but if the day comes when she realizes the error of her ways don't harden your heart and reach back...even if it's 3 years from now.

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I believe your feelings are valid...now since its still early you can take in consideration the newness euphoria of her relationship but then you said something that bothered me...."Well, I don't have a car, so I go where ever My Baaaaby goes."


That lets me know that she is on some one sided type of stuff....so what did she do when she didnt have her Baaaaaby?!?!?!?...

I say fall back on reaching out and then fall all the way back...cuz she is not into putting in the effort it takes to make a "friendship" work....sometimes you just outgrow people and I feel like at some point you either get with it or get lost....

Raspberry Martini said...

Thanks for the feedback ladies. All of you make valid points. I chose to fall back and hopefully we can be close friends again. Thanks for reading!