SO LONG, FAREWELL...
The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot
Thursday, November 20, 2008
like a virgin
I think it's commendable to wait until marriage to have sex but is there a point when the waiting is more harmful than helpful? Let me explain.
Exhibit A: I have a friend who is waiting until she's married to have sex. And when I first met her I applauded her efforts. But then as I got to know her, I began to wonder if not gettin' it in was good for her health. See, homegirl has never had a boyfriend. Never ever ever. She's gone on a literal handful of dates in her 27 years and a few of those have been group hangs during high school and college. She's been kissed a few times but other than that she's pure as the driven snow.
Exhibit B: pretty much the same thing as Exhibit A.
Putting to the side that I tend to attract some strange birds, I'm really concerned for these women. They are knocking on 30's door, desire to be married and yet have not had a meaningful relationship with a man. Of course this could be the case even if they were having sex, but I think that their status definitely adds to their isolation. You see, while they are smart, attractive accomplished, church goin women, they both share a fatal flaw. They lack that crucial ability to engage in normal male-female interactions which I believe has been heightened by the "virgin" chips on their shoulders, so to speak.
It's like they missed a critical stage of adolescent/young adult developmental: how to interact with the opposite sex. There is a natural process of male-female socialization that should take place as you grow up. The primary way girls learn to feel comfortable around boys is through family interactions with brothers, male cousins and male friends of family members who you play tag with at the family reunion or the weekend backyard barbecues. But say you grow up without a brother and such. Then the next step is the little boys in your grade school and middle school classroom. Maybe Johnny has a little crush on Jill, they pass notes talkin bout "can I have the go?" Push each other on the swing set for a week or two and then break up because he got on her nerves.
But let's say you make it through all that without friends who are boys cause your head was in the books, you were super shy or your mama didn't play that. College should be your break out, finding your way in the world time of life. I'm not say they don't have male friends, but from my observations they seem to have a hard time getting past the friend level with guys. They are both socially awkward amongst men. The mutual male friends we have in common often find them annoying and overbearing. If you, as a grown ass woman, away from your parents, with no social barriers in your way, make it through college with nary a boyfriend and you don't learn how to interact with men, then it's a wrap.
I'm truly perplexed! Heck, I was shy back in the day yet I still managed to turn out all right. Is it because I developed those male-female interaction skills or because I had sex? Are they too far gone or are they on the right track? Has their virginity + lack of relationships left them ill-equipped to enter into a relationship with a guy or perfectly untainted and jade-free?
what say ya'll?
Posted by mint julep at 8:27 AM