WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Excuse Me Miss...

So the other night I was standing outside waiting for the bus when this dude approached me. Let me set the stage. I’m about 5’8 in flats 5’11 in heels-and I’m almost always in heels, so anyone who approaches me must at least come up to my shoulder for basic consideration of their game spitting. But this dude, this old man rather-who later revealed that he had a daughter two years younger than myself, was eyeball to eyeball with my bobsey twins. A good look for him…but definitely not for me. Not to mention that he had a jelly belly that was the by product of too many chicken wings and Colt 45. And really I just wanted the bus to come so I could continue on with my life. But noooooooooooooo! This man proceeds to speak to me like I owe him my number just because he asked for it.

Saaaaaaaaaay what?

Creepy Old Dude: (walking past…breaks neck to speak) Hello.
Unsuspecting Amaretto: Hello.
COD: I think I’ve seen you around here before.
UA: Probably, I live around here.
COD: Yeah I saw you on Thursday night. You had on all black.
UA: Probably. (I think to myself that I always wears black)
COD: Well I’m 90 percent sure I saw you. You had on black boots and you walked from that direction. I’m not 100 percent sure, but I’m 90 percent sure that was you.
UA: (getting increasing uncomfortable by the admission of stalker-like tendencies) Cool.
COD: Yeah I know I saw you. I was stilling right here and I saw you walk by. So you stay with your man or something?
UA: Uh. No. (kicking myself at my decision to be honest)
COD: So what do you think about us hanging out sometime. Can I get your number?
UA: (deciding to let old playa down easy and not be the typical DC metro chick with attitude) Um maybe next time. (wondering where the fcuk the bus is)
COD: Next time? (raises voice) Why don’t you give me your number now? Next time means you ain’t trying to give it to me. That’s so fcuked up man.
UA: (Thinks Duh genius) Well, I don’t feel comfortable giving it out.
COD: Well you know there are some crazy people around here. And let’s say I see you in trouble with one of these people around here, they trying to rape you and I see you and I’m like you know what, maybe next time I’ll help her. She said she’d give me her number next time. (Stares Amaretto down with increasingly crazy eyes)
UA: Okay. (wants to run screaming into the night until the bus finally arrives. Throws up deuces from secure window bus seat but wonders when the world got like this, and folks stop being polite)

So the incident got me to thinking about perception. I had already decided that COD did not meet my height nor age requirements so I wasn’t going to give him a chance. And therefore I was mildly annoyed by our continued conversation until COD was able to tell me what I ate for breakfast and I got scared. But let’s just say that COD was a Sexy Tall Dude. Ohhhh yea, if an STD said that he saw me from his bushes would I have been as weirded out? I might have even called my BFF and told her how romantic STD was (I know chicks are crazy like this). Told her how amazing I thought it was that STD laid in wait in foliage for me, risking barb and briar, and baiting his breath for the opportunity just to see me. Little ole me! But what’s the difference really? I mean for all I know a COD would be the best thing for me while an STD could have the internal thoughts of a sociopath.

I know that it’s hard out there for us adults to make friends with new folks. Gone are the days where you could pass a “Do you like me” note in class. Or stare at that cutie at the school dance. And while I appreciate those bold and brazen folks out there like COD who decide to put it all out there and take that risk…as a single female living in the city I have to reserve the right to tell you no and at times hell no! But you shouldn’t call me outside my name or wish me ill will because my momma told me never to talk to strangers. I don’t know you, nor want to know you. And that’s just the way of the world...don't take it personally.

See You In Seven


Anonymous said...

OK I realize that STD = sexy tall dude in this post, but that didn't stop me from thinking why the hell would anyone want an STD? when I first saw the abbreviation. I'm SPECIAL. I know.

ITA! We definitely have the right to say no when we're not interested, but I am always cautious about how I say no. You never know what kinda wack job you might be talking to these days.

LH said...

Not that it matters, but I think you handled it just right.

Men who actually understand the way the game is played know going in that no woman has to engage him in conversation. If she does, whether she's interested or not, she's being kind.

The name calling, put downs, etc. are tired. First, if she was all types of b*tches and h*s, why bother approaching her? Second, women don't leave the house to be approached by men. That's whether they're in the club or on a bus stop.

Third, um, am I the only one who's kinda creeped out that dude has seen you before?

cinco said...

A true stalker- creepy for sure.

Get your mace ready and as a wise woman once told me- don't show so much teeth! (when approached.)

Crazy Chic said...


Very creepy, doesn't even matter if he was fine. You save that attention to detail commentary after I have at least told you my name or exchanged numbers. That is when it is okay. Stranger who I don't know and have no plans on knowing I am lying through my teeth.

Not to freak you out or anything but why didn't you tell that man you live with your man?!? What's up with that Amaretto? "Are you shamed? Tyrone loves you!" (chuckle) I am going to pray for you darling because Lord help if he decides to follow you one day because you wanted "show so much teeth" (sigh)

That reminds me to re-up on the mace (chuckle).

P.S. I am with AuNaptural...let's not use STD...there are so many others we can use and we are so much more creative than that...remember code names? ;)

CC said...

Oh...where is "I am man"?

Anonymous said...

I would have cut that real short, "look Sir I am not interested have a nice night :-/"
phcuk being a typical whateva..sometimes you cannot even give folk polite conversation SMH, esp when you travel dolo, be walking alone in the evenings when it dark out so early etc and this mofo already know your movements a bit uh huh

Amaretto said...

AuNaptural: LOL! I had already committed to Sexy Tall Dude as a nickname, and when I saw the acronym it really made me laugh, so I kept it. I agree with you though-the HOW is very important. I think women should know to keep their eye rolling, gum poppin and teeth sucking to a minimum when dealing with folks they don’t know

LH: Hello and Hi, it seems like it’s been a long time since we've seen you! I was creeped out that he had seen me before…which means I need to be more aware of my surroundings. But I love your point-women don’t leave the house to be approached by men! At least not everyday! When you are opening that school to teach the rest of them? I can start you off with a $25 endowment.

Cinco: I’ve never heard the teeth thing before, but I do think I might smile too much. And it leaves people thinking I’m friendly and whatnot, and I am. But not for everybody. Hmm…good advice!

Crazy Chic: You are truly crazy! And I’m glad to see you embracing this new persona and still making sense!

CC: I am a man is still around-I thinking he’s getting his thoughts together

Anon: Yep, you are right! In hindsight I was really stupid! This is how women get kilt. And since I am colored…well no one would be looking for me. I just know that if COD had been an STD none of this exchange would have been weird…and as a single woman I’m concerned because it should always concern me now matter what the man looks like.

I AM A MAN... said...

The older dudes get the more desperate and bold...aka crazy they get. Or maybe its the malt liquor talkn. They "feel a lil poke" (ode to Too Close) when they see a sexy young thang or you start reminding them of their jeep. So i think you should invest in some mace or put together a home brew with whateva u got lyin around the house...bleach, hot sauce, and a twist a lemon for aroma may do the trick. Just remind me not to sneak up on ya. I hope i neva get old.

PS-You can do better than a COD and an STD may not be what you really want. I know an Athletic Sports Star you might like. Laugh Out Loud.