WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, December 19, 2008

When Love Calls...

So I got home from a hard day’s work from a job that I hate. Well, I don't really hate it, but it's just not my passion. What is my passion? I'm not sure yet. I’m still trying to figure it out. So I got home from a hard day of work, from a job that I'm not in love with and gather the mail from the mailbox. And while I shuffled through the mail with one hand and tried to maneuver the huge screen door with the other, I see it, the dreaded Save the Date card.
“I gotta go mom,” I said cutting her off mid sentence.
“Ok, what are you going to do tomorrow?”
“I don’t know, sticking my head in an oven,” I said while staring hard at the two brown faces smiling up at me.
“Now don’t be so grim. Getting older is a part of life. Lord, don’t I know it.”
“Yeah mom, I know. Look I gotta go,” I said again as I held onto the card and searched through my huge, cluttered leather purse for my house keys. As I balanced mail, purse, and a brown paper bag that I made sure to hold on tight because I didn’t want to drop my rum, I listened to my mom drone on some more about the circle of life. Where the hell were my keys? I finally found them deep in the left hand corner of the purse and said, “Uh huh mom. Well I’m home now, so let me call you back.”
“Ok, honey. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Alright bye,” I said as I turned the key and dropped everything onto the couch. Everything except the Save the Date card. That I took with me as I made my way to the kitchen to make dinner.

Sure I knew that my best friend Cara who had vowed that she was never getting married, because the only good men out here were our daddies and our brothers, had gotten engaged to a wonderful man she met on some Black Ski Trip weekend. Funny every time I went on those ski trips there was always like a ten women to one man ratio. And the men were obvious losers. So, I would just post myself up at the all you can drink during this hellish weekend open bar and laugh at all the women looking for a love connection.

But the one time Cara goes on a ski trip, it's sponsored by the Alphas, so they were definitely rolling deep. Apparently the male to female ratio was practically even. And one afternoon Cara just happened to be falling down the slope (although knowing her it was probably all graceful and dainty and shit) when this fine brotha named Desmond came to her rescue. Apparently they laughed their way on down the hill and he asked her to join him for dinner. Then they spent the rest of the evening chatting in front of the roaring fire. Well that's the story she told me. For all I know she could have thrown it on him that first night after they got liquored up on free long island iced teas. No she's too classy for that. It was probably cosmopolitans.

Anyway. Check this man's stats: banker (notice I said banker, not teller), homeowner, no kids (so there's no baby mama drama), has a 401k, is HIV free, church going, parents have been married for 30+ years (so there are no stories about how he would spend weekends waiting on the curb for his daddy to roll by and pick him up in a Lincoln), and to top it all off he was smitten with Cara. They had an eight month courtship of fine dining, fancy gifts and trips overseas.

Three months into their courtship, all of us girlfriends were certain that Cara was the one for Desmond. Our hunches were confirmed a month later when Desmond's line brother revealed that Desmond used to be a dog, the love em and leave em type. Apparently he and everyone close to Desmond claimed that they had never seen him throw this much time and energy into a woman.

"That man is in love," line brother #25, because you know they never let anything from their pledging experience go, told me at a house party Desmond threw one night.
We were watching the two of them on the dance floor. The DJ had decided to play a set of slow jams, a rarity for our generation, and Desmond and Cara were grinding all up on each other as they gazed into each other's eyes. Desmond with his six feet plus self bent down and whispered something in Cara's ear and she giggled and then kissed him on the lips. I looked back at line #25 wondering if and when he was going to ask me to dance. I mean how crazy was it that two attractive people were standing next to each other watching other people dance? What a punk I thought. But I said instead, "Is he now?”
"Yup. He's going to ask her to marry him."
"Do you know this for a fact or are you just guessing," I questioned with furrowed eyebrows.
"A little bit of both."
"Shit," I muttered under my breath while pushing my cleavage even closer together, and smiling a little wider at line brother #25. It didn't make a difference. It turned out he had a girlfriend, not engaged yet, but clearly going that route. So there was definitely no need to remember his name. Or keep the business card he handed me at the end of the night. Black people just love to give their card to any and everybody. And the only reason I remember the twenty five is because he had a huge keloiding tattoo of the number on his nicely muscled left arm.

The day that Desmond finally popped the question (which was so elaborate I don't even have the energy to go into detail) Cara called me squealing and crying, saying, "Can you believe that I'm getting married?"
"Hell no," I said. Yes, I said it. Yes, just like that.
"Hell no," I said again. But this time I threw in a little chuckle so she would think I was joking. I wasn't joking. She started laughing and I could sense her relief.
"He's just so wonderful. I never thought that I would be the type of person who would get married."
"I know."
"Well you know that if this means I can get married, you're def -" I cut her off before she could say, definitely next, definitely getting married, definitely gonna get hit by a bus and fall in love with the doctor who operates on you and brings you back from the brink of death.
"Yeah girl with God all things are possible. I'm so happy for you."

And I was happy. And I'm still happy. I mean I'm not a love hater. And she is my best friend. But dammit, she wasn't even looking. Although that seems to be the cliché constantly shouted from the rooftops to single women everywhere. That and 'just work on you and love will come.' But I'll deal with that another day. All I know is that if I hear: Girl, you gotta stop looking. Love will come when you least expect it, I swear I will let out a scream. Right now when I hear it I just smile and nod. Instead of saying what I really want to say:
"Stop looking huh? Well I have stopped looking. And yet I haven't been asked on a date in six months. I haven't been fucked in four months (yeah I know those numbers don't match up, but that's how it is sometimes for a single gal). So where is my man oh great one? Where is my man?"

But you can't say those kinds of things to people. You just have to smile and nod and tell them that you have given it to God and that you know that He will provide in His time. Someday. Someday soon I hope.

Out of my circle of friends, one is married, one is engaged, and four of us are single. Granted we are in different stages and acceptance of singleness, but we are single nonetheless. And it seems like we are always scoping and fighting for the same man. Black. Professional. Although nowadays we'll take a blue collar man who can read. No kids. OK, one child is alright, maybe even two, but they better have the same mamas. Sane. Ready to settle down or at least put away the games. Church going. OK, at least be willing to come with me to church so I can pray that you get saved. Disease free. And did I mention sane? But somehow Cara clawed her way past those stupid numbers and found a good man. She found love. Something my friends and I have looked for, not looked for, put prayer requests in for, dressed up in the tightest outfits and shook our asses in the wrong clubs for, hit up different churches trying to find a single deacon or pastor for, waited for, and wanted. And waited some more for.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Anonymous said...

LOL, yeah I too often say on my way home "Where's my man?", and I am not looking either etc and the one time I did go on Balck Ski trip it was like a dayum, phcuk fest :-? ...oh boy I really felt this post LMAO..we just got to trust and believe he will come and if he isn't from he LORD I don't want it, don;t even want to try and find that on my own without the LORD because thats nothing but a set up for let down and possibly worse these days, so tired of "frogs" ready for my King!!!

Mudslide said...

I think the key for the ladies is stop searching for a mate, but rather make preparations to receive one. If you want to get all Biblical, (in my preacha voice) The Bible says "when a man finds a wife...". (wiping brow) Meaning the woman aint suppossed be lookin but rather waiting to be found. (sitting down, taking offering, choir singing Blessed Assurance during alter call). I believe a woman must first understand what it is to be a female, then a woman, then a wife, then a mother, in that order. Same goes for a man - male, man, husband, father. When we get things out of order, thats when there are problems in a relationship. A man must first be a man before he have a successful marriage just as a woman needs to be a woman. I aint talking bout being a certain age or having met certain milestones in life. But rather having the spiritual, emotional, and mental maturity to take on a spouse. We all like to think we already there, but we gots lots to learn. Even if you are at that level, the person God is sending to you is probably still being worked on. The hardest thing to do is being patient and not getting discouraged and not getting involved with someone who aint supposed to be your hubby or wifey. It just delays the process. I believe if someone has the desire to be married, and prepared to be, then it will happen. Benediction - May the Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another. AMEN :)

Tiffany In Houston said...

I need you to stop watching the video of my life.

Fabulous post.

Rum Punch said...

@ Everyone - This is a fictional piece. Something I'm working on for what hopefully becomes a wait for it, novel...And even though it's ficitonal, I think it resonates with the ladies. And thanks for the feedback!!

@ Anon - I feel you on soo many levels! And patience is a virtue ain't it?

@ Mudslide - Well alright! Tabernacle, Synagogue! I think you have made some valid points. And I am all for a woman doing her own thing, living her life like it's golden, traveling the world, writing sonnets, curing cancer, learning how to cook, taking tips from mama and grandmama bout how to keep a man, learning to build a fire, buying a house, singing backup on tour w/ Beyonce, until you meet your huzband. However, I also think that it's "easier" for a man to be like, just wait for your husband to come-when they, for real have the upperhand in the situation. I'm not saying it's not going to happen, because if it is, then it will. But when a woman's clock is ticking in her ear, she ain't tryna hear alladat. Just sayin. So sometimes men need to go to a corner and work on themselves and stop w/ the platitudes. But uh thanks for the sermon. ;-)

@ Tiffany - Thank ya girl! Stay tuned for the book! Lol...

Courvoisier said...

Oh-Oh-OK Rum Punch! The whole time I was like really??!?! Really Rum Punch.

“I believe a woman must first understand what it is to be a female, then a woman, then a wife, then a mother, in that order. Same goes for a man - male, man, husband, father. When we get things out of order, thats when there are problems in a relationship.” I partially agree with you here Mudslide. All of these things are important to building long lasting relationships. However, if there is one thing certain about life there is no set order. So I agree that we have to learn these roles, how and when we learn them varies.

Years ago I found the professional black man, no kids, HIV free, committed and wanted the family. But the human connection part somewhere down the line got lost in our efforts to hold on to all that other stuff that we think is important.

At this stage of my life, I am looking forward to true companionship. A human connection with someone whose life is enhanced by mine and vice versa. But this is just me.

Bellini said...

considerin' i just saw your ass less than an hour ago, i meant to ask you are you puttin' the other novel on the backburner??this is good/fantabulous if i say so myself, but nothin' like the other piece or so i think...girl finish the book - i need to add to my library collection!

OMG-- and how come we can all relate to the black ski trip experience?!? lmao!

MudSlide said...

I aint much much of a bookworm, but it sounds like you got a good thing going with your novel. Let me know when you get published!

Men really dont have the upper hand. (actually I think no one does). Men may be the choosers, but what happens if the person he chooses says no? So who really has the "upper hand"?

@ Courvoisier - I agree life Aint No Crystal Stair, but it does have an intended Divine order if nothing else. We may not always follow the order (i know i dont) or understand it, but there is still a designed order.

@ Everyone - Was I the only person that didnt go to the ski trip?!?! I missed out!

Tela In Texas said...

Before I found out this was a novel...I was going to say. All that glitters isn't gold. I know a lady who married a man like this "Prince" Charming and he turned out to be a child molester. Be careful. Now that I know this is fiction...I'm still gonna say, all that glitters isn't gold.

Rum Punch said...

@ Courvoisier - Yeah girl. I'm glad you are figuring out what you need and deserve in your life, for yourself.

@ Bellini - Thank ya girl! I'ze tryin, I'ze tryin. Um yeah I had to put that other book down for a minute, it was getting too intense. But that one is still my first love!

@ Mudslide - Thank ya! Of course I'll let you know when it's published. Well what I meant by upperhand (and I'm only talking about if a woman is interested in having children) is that men can do the choosing from the age of 1-92 (I got the Christmas song on my brain)and can always go younger and always (well maybe not always-but you know) procreate. But I mean it's hard for everyone out here if you're looking for the "one." And there's still time for you to go on an all Black ski trip! It's a once in a lifetime experience!

@ Tela - I totally feel you. Everything that glitters ain't gold. And hopefully that's what the main character will come to understand by the end of the novel...

CapriceClassic said...

Well, all I know is whenever I go anywhere with no makeup on, hair tied in a rag, and sweat pants, I seem to get hit on all the dang time. BUT whenever I "try", (i.e. makeup, cute fit, hair and nails did) I don't even get a second look. Now I know I'm not the cutest, but I DEFINITELY know I'm not the ugliest, lol, so it must have something to do with an air of comfort with oneself.

Well, now I'm married so it doesn't even matter anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say, without making you scream, is just be yourself - your RAW self and something good your way will come. At least in the way of a date, or in the form of eager interest.

For some reason, men can sense when a woman wants a relationship - it's only when you TRULY don't want one, that one will come your way.

That's how I met my husband - it was at work, and all I wanted to do was go outside for a smoke break. Wasn't thankin bout no damn man, cause I was just out of a semi-relationship, and for real I had just sworn them off like 2 hrs prior to meeting him, lol.