Walk Like a Man?

So I attend the school of thought that Tyler Perry and John Legend (to name a few), despite their best efforts to prove otherwise, are gay. Of course I could be wrong. But for the sake of argument, let’s say that I could, possibly be right. Why do I think these things?

1. Way back when John Legend first came out (ha ha – no pun intended), a few of us girlfriends attended his concert in D.C. And let me tell y’all that place was full of gay men. I mean they came in droves! Droves! Now this was when Holla, Holla, Holla aka Used to Love Her had gotten some air play and Ordinary People was sounding cute and fuzzy and not what it eventually became – annoying. So people knew who he was, but they ain’t really know who he was. Anyway. Back to my point. The children had come out, for what I always thought, was to support one of their own. Cause you know they can tell their own. I mean they were rolling deep. Now I know it’s common to see gay Black men in groups in Metropolitan cities, particularly in Lenox Mall on a Saturday afternoon in ATL, but this was something unprecedented-the crowd ranged from the flaming, two snaps and a circle to the ones you would never have suspected. Until you saw him next to his "friend" who had on some skinny jeans and smedium t-shirt.

2. There is a scene in Why Did I Get Married when Tyler Perry switches his hips up the stairs. Get the movie. Check for it. You can't miss it. Pause it. And watch it in slow motion. And then laugh.

3. Tyler Perry is (again) on the cover of Essence Magazine and the caption says something about finding Mrs. Right. So, I say to my granny the other night, “how come we have to keep hearing about Tyler Perry looking for Mrs. Right? Anytime you have to put it out there so much, and emphasize the fact that your search for Mrs. Right is soo difficult because of your schedule, you make too much money, you want a real down home woman who reminds you of your mama but looks like a model, can fry fish with one hand behind her back, has got her own thing, doesn't want you for your money, yada, yada, yada, you are gay. Cause you know who else used to do that? Luther Vandross!” Oh my granny busted out laughing and said, “you true, you true.” Let me tell y’all I remember an Oprah Winfrey episode where Luther showed his house, his furniture, his fancy china that he used to eat grits. And at the end of the segment, he said, “Oprah now all I need is a woman to share this with!!” Snaps. And laughter from my 11-year-old belly. Even at my young age I knew there was something wrong with that statement.

And yet what if Tyler Perry and John Legend are not gay? What if they just don’t fit into the stereotypical ideals of [straight] manhood? I mean John Legend is an Ivy League grad, mayhap he is just well read and soft spoken. And Tyler Perry could just be a Southern boy, raised by Ma'dear and his aunties. And we all remember Kanye West's comment about him being called a sissy because he had taken on his mama's aka feminine ways 'cause that's all he knew...

So what am I looking for a man who has his backhand up ready to prove he can smack a b***h? That's not what I was raised around. I should know better. In my own life, I have had men accuse men close to me of being gay because they seem “soft” or “gentle” or not hard core. I even know a woman who told me girls continually told her son in high school, “I don’t want to go out with you. You’re too nice. You won’t try anything with me.” Hmmm… I would be remissed if I didn't mention the man I saw on Bringing Home Baby the other day: jerry curlish (I'm thinking dyed) auburnish/blondish hair, had that lilt in his voice, and a flick in his wrist, but was bringing home his seventh child. Now in my eyes he was clearly gay. But in the eyes of the at least three women he had laid down with, he was what?

In these ever changing times where the lines of race, gender, sexual orientation are blurred and fuzzy, what is the measure of a [straight] man? How do we define manhood in an age when so many Black men weren't raised by their fathers and may not have the stereotypical male mannerisms? Are women passing up potentially good men, because their girlfriends are buzzing in their ears, saying "that man has some suga in his tea?" I mean if a John Legend or Tyler Perry type approached me, with all the right credentials, great personality, and nothing but love and adoration for Rum Punch would I dismiss him completely because of my own ideas of manhood vs. mannerisms, homosexuality vs. heterosexuality, stereotypes vs. reality? I wonder...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

P.S. If you’re going to be in the D.C. area for MLK Day on Jan. 19, head over to Peoples Congregational United Church of Christ at 4704 13th Street, NW for the best MLK Program ever! The program starts at 12 p.m. and will feature acts from around the world! A red carpet pre-inaugural party will follow! You don't wanna miss it!