- I was going to go to and graduate from college
- I was going to start my career and be awesome
- I was going to marry the man I loved
- I was going to have a least 1 of my 2.5 kids
Because by the time I was 20, the first step in my master plan pretty much when up in smoke, through a series of random events beyond my control...and I was therefore left looking at a life that I never expected and was unsure how I was going to live it!
Are you thinking So What Amaretto? Well here's the what...
From the time I was 20 and definitely all up and through the worst year of my life that was 2005 (check my April 14th post), there has been a seismic shift in how I view myself and this one life that I am allowed to live. I feel that everyone is going to experience some sort of setback (or setbacks) that will force us to reassess who we is and who we ain't. Looking back on my journals (aka diaries) I am shocked at the person that I twas. I really defined myself by material things. That if somehow I had da house, car, degree and money in the bank that I was someone successful, blessed and highly favored. Ha ha ha...what a foolish young lady Amaretto was.
And I can only call myself a fool because now I have gone through some stuff. I have gone through changes that had me wondering why these no good rotten things seemed to happen to me and me alone! The changes that had me crying at night or sometimes in the bathroom at work. The changes that had me drinking glasses of haterade because someone I knew was living their life like it was golden accomplishing great things while I felt stuck.
But throughout all these changes and turnarounds...it wasn't all bad. I truly was blessed to have people in my life who were constants my equation while I attempted to solve for the Y's in my life. I know, why so mushy, but I tend to get reflective when it's my birthday time and I realize another year has passed and I can see how so much has changed for from a mere 365 days ago. And while it hasn't all been good, just knowing that my friends have been cheering, supporting, praying for and encouraging my success is a blessing beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself as a child.
I know there are many folks out here struggling in these days and times. Or wondering WTF happened to their life? Or how come they ain't got this or that... and believe me I wish I knew the answer or the reason. But I can say that it won't be that way forever. Even though my life is not what I envisioned or expected it's still been pretty freakin' awesome thanks to the peoples I've been blessed to call friends. When things get tough, we don't need legions of people to cry too. In the good times and in the bad times, that's what friends are for. Everyone has been blessed with one.
See You In Seven