WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, January 22, 2010

1 vs. 100

Looking for Your Daddy Series – Volume 1, Issue 1

Hi All! How y'all feeling this Friday? So, welcome to a new series called Looking For Your Daddy. At first I was going to get my Denise Huxtable on and start a spin off blog, but I don't have that much to say on a daily basis. Or that kinda time.

So, what is Looking For Your Daddy exactly? It will chronicle some of my experiences in this here dating world. Why I have I named it that? Because whenever I look at pictures of me and my homegirls out in the skreets, dressed to impressed, cleveage out, hair did, I’ll say to my mom, “Look at us, lookin’ fierce! What will I tell my kids when they’re all mama where were you goin lookin like that?” And she’ll say, “You’ll say, ‘out lookin for your daddy.” Heh. And so it was born. Looking For Your Daddy, the Black woman’s response to ‘How I Met Your Mother.’

Anyway. The end of 2009, beginning of 2010 has been very interesting for me. Suddenly I have become the “it” girl and people want to date me. Shimmy. Now beforehand, I was pretty much a I’m fixated on this person, I’m dating him, I ain’t looking at no other dudes kinda person. Yeah, that didn’t work at all.

But now I find myself on dates with people who are cool. Decent. Intelligent. Sometimes they’re funny. Not as funny as me though. But it’s nothing spectacular. And sure it gives me the opportunity to try out my potential stand up routine, but sometimes I be wondering, “why the hell am I here?” Which leads me to…

The fact that there seem to be two schools of thought that are taught to women all across this great land. And they are:
1. Girl, you need to have some fun! Date as many people as you can.
2. If you know he ain’t gonna be worth your time, then don’t waste your time. And just wait on the one who will be worth your time.

People who attend class at school #1 would argue that you won’t know if someone’s not worth your time if you don’t go out with them. Those who are in group #2, being homeschooled cause they’re sitting at home knitting, and not going on dates would argue, that you can pretty much determine when someone’s not worth your time cause you been in the game long enough to detect that B.S. Oh and they have a list of what they want in a guy. You know those kinda women always have a list. And if he don’t qualify, then they ain’t going out.

At the heart of these two opposing views, seems to be the whole quality vs. quantity thing. It’s been said that Michelle Obama was pretty much on some ‘no time for fake ones’ and that Barack Obama was her first serious boyfriend. Now sure we could talk all day long about how most Black women woulda passed up on the community organizer yada yada yada, but clearly there was something about Mr. O. that made Michelle realize that he was worth her time. That he was of quality. But like my friend said when I mentioned this to her, "yeah but doing it that way can be a crapshoot. She just happened to hit the jackpot."

And I wonder how many women are waiting for what they think is quality, and turning down dates? But then maybe they need to start rewriting that definition of quality? I mean if you mid thirties and want to be married and pop out some babies, 'he can't be short' maybe shouldn't be a qualification. Or is it that as you get older you should also get wiser, and start to realize what truly matters when selecting a mate, getting into a relationship, or just agreeing to dinner and a movie?

I must confess that on this issue, I am torn. And I vacillate constantly on my position. Sometimes I think that you have to go out with different people to help you figure out what you want, don’t want, what you can tolerate, etc. Sometimes I’m like, “these nigs is crazy. And I don’t have the mental strength to smile, make small talk, ask them about their hopes and dreams, etc." But then you know I get hungry. Heh heh. And sometimes I think that not every man who comes into your life is a potential love connection. So, what the hell- why not go out with them at least one time? They might be able to give you advice on starting a business. Or learn you bout commercial real estate. Or introduce you to a friend who is the one for you. While I think that it's essential that women get their Gift of Fear on and get to that place where you can immediately identify the crazies and pass on the old dudes in the club and the snaggletooths, I do believe that the intriguing ones should get at least one date. Cause you never know what could happen.

But as Mint Julep would say, what say y'all?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Amaretto said...

I love it! LOL@ Stand up routine!

Cultivating Patience said...

You actually blog of what I think all the time.
Your thoughts helped me to realize that I'm not alone
In this dating war. Everytime you write about dating, I'm yelling hell yeah,
That's what I'm talking bout! What...

I've been learning fro school 2. Not dating
Much because I just hate the bull shit that comes
Along with it. But like you, I'm going to try
And do some more dating.

Keep writing sis.


Rum Punch said...

@ Amaretto - Thanks girl! You know I'm havin @ good time!

@ Cultivating Patience - First, love that name! Second, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad to share my dating woes and know that it's not just happening to me. Lol. Third, yes girl, it took me a while to get to this place but I'm all about dating now. I mean like I said, avoid the crazies - but if you meet a decent guy - give him a try! Good luck!

Bellini said...

so, i'm playing catch up w/last week. this is funny 'cuz (a) i know you and (b) a few weeks ago my friend who he is divorcee was tellin' me how her ex credit is bad, etc. however she was like if i had to relive my 20s i'll take a broke ass all over again... and bellini is like ummm... did we not learn from the reason you got the divorce in a first place???

Rum Punch said...

@ Bellini - HA! Yes, you do know me. Regarding your friend: um say what now? I mean being a broke ass is one thing - if you're "broke" cause you are making some dreams happen. Having bad credit, now that's a horse of a different color. But ok, different strokes for different folks, and so on and so on...

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