30 Years to Life

A long time ago when Mint Julep and I were knee high to a grasshoper (so we were like 21) and were having our year of culture – we would go check out foreign and indie films, attend hip concerts, and the like, we saw this all Black movie titled 30 years to life. It featured Tracy Morgan (pre-30 Rock, when he was just that Black dude on SNL), Allen Payne, Erika Alexander, and Shelby from Best Man (I, unlike Bellini don’t know government names), and some other dude. Anyway. The movie chronicled the year a group of friends were all turning 30. It is a good flick, very underrated and I think captures Morgan is at his best. Oh how MJ and I laughed and laughed throughout the film. Thinking we could relate. But we ain’t know. We ain’t really know how real that angst, that damn I’m fina be 30, that what the heck am I doing with my life feeling could be.

But here I am soon to be 29, (just celebrated my half birfday y'all!) surrounded by people who are turning 30, and it’s like huh. So this is what it’s like? I recently saw a woman who once attended my church and had moved away, and was back visiting for weekend – she asked me all the typical questions one asks a young adult: What are you doing now? Where are you living, i.e., have you bought a home yet? And then she said, “are you in love?” Which at the time I totally prefered to the tired, are you dating? Seeing anyone special? Married yet? And all that other madness. So I said, “no, not yet.” And she was on some, “soon come.” And then the usual, “you have time.” I said, “ummm… do I? Cause I’m getting kinda old.” And I only said that cause the church people stay thinking that I'm like 19, and be like, "so have you graduated yet?" Uh yes. Sigh. So she asked, “how old are you now?” “28,” I said. Loonnnnngg pause. Real lonnnng pause. And then, “well just think, when you do find that someone, you’ll be in your early thirties and you’ll know yourself and what you want.” M’kay. Well that was reassuring.

Recently I was hanging out with a guy who is turning 30 soon and he was on some, “there’s just some things that I can’t do once I cross that burning threshold get to that point. Like I can’t just be drunk in the streets like I was in my twenties.” Um ok. I’m not saying that I disagree, but I just wonder where all these arbitrary rules come from. From THE MAN, I know. He has us on this plan, this path, this very strict schedule. Jay Z may have been lying to himself when he said 30 is the new 20, but everyone else knows, that you’re kinda, really supposed to be a true adult when you hit the BIG 3-0!! No more playing around.

And yet, I have been fascinated by this show on MTV called the Buried Life where four friends have a list of 100 things on their bucket list and they film themselves completing the task. Every week as they fulfill something on the list, they find a stranger and ask, “what do you want to do before you die?” and help said person fulfill his/her wish as well. While some of the stuff on their list is pretty far out (literally) – like "go to space," some things are silly like, “tell a judge, ‘you want the truth? You can’t handle the truth,’ other things are kind like, “give a stranger a $100 bill”. But there's some stuff I never would have thought of like, “fall in love,” or “plant a tree,” or “send a message in a bottle."

Their list makes me think of all the things that I never thought that I could want to do in this lifetime. Cause for a long time what I just knew for sure that I wanted to do were these really huge, grandiose, incredible things. I never stopped to think that it could be simple, seemingly regular, ordinary things. Or things that make this world a better place. Like starting a church group, doubting its impact, until someone tells you how good it is for their soul. Or the simple joy of making someone laugh - which I do on the daily. Ok? Ok! Or just things that make me step outside of myself. Like going ahead, taking a chance honey, and asking a guy I been feeling out. Things that make me step outside of my comfort zone. Outside of the life that I planned in my head many years ago.

And now as big birthdays loom, and people start to expect this and that of you, and society breathes its hot ass breath in your face, I'm learning the beauty/necessity in doing what I want to do. Depending on if you're a the glass is half full or half empty type, life either starts or ends when you're 30, (yeah I had a guy tell me I should pretty much hang myself if I haven't gotten married by the time I'm 30 cause no one will want me - that was fun!) - but maybe as corny as it sounds life starts every morning that you are blessed to wake up. And there's at least 100 things you can do with it, whether they be big or small, or everything in between.

So, what do you want to do before you die?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!