WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Land of Make Believe

Long ago my ex and I used to follow Andre 3000’s advice and… do something outta the ordinary, like catch a matinee. For some reason we saw a lot of “romantic” comedies. They were not always my idea. Believe dat. Anywho. I distinctly remember us going to see Deliver Us From Eva featuring Gabrielle Union as the mean Black woman and LL Cool J as the man who can “tame” her.

Well if you’ve never seen the movie (which is no surprise) it’s the same boy meets girl, girl has disdain for boy, he wears her down, they have a blissful montage of laughter, long walks and kisses, they argue or something, she moves away, they are both miserable, and he travels cross the country to win her back. And so he arrives wearing a tuxedo and gliding down a busy ass Chicago street on a wait for it white horse. It was at this point in the movie (not at the other totally non believable parts) when my ex literally threw up his hands. And was all what the fuss? And then he yelled at the screen:

Now every Black woman gon’ expect a nygga to show up on a white horse!!!!
[Yeah thank goodness we were at the matinee. Heh]

So yeah the other night I decided to lull myself to sleep by watching Hitch, only I couldn’t sleep and kept wanting to watch. And the whole time I’m like Rum Punch take yo’ ass to sleep because this movies sucks! And then I’d be like oh no it ain’t that bad. And then when the characters started professing their love after like two days together I’d be like NO! NO! NO! It does suck!

There is a never ending conversation about how these movies and fairytales and other nonsense corrupt the young minds of little girls of all colors, creeds, shapes and sizes, who grow up into grown ass women desperately seeking their prince charming at every turn. And that’s why on shows like Say Yes to the Dress they be like, “I have been planning my wedding since I was four years old.” Ummm… Really? Have you?

And the 'The Real, Nah For Real, Sisters Are Doin It For Ourselves So We Don't Need No Rescuin, Ok?' Woman's Council makes it clear that these movies are detrimental to your health. Bad, bad, bad for your psyche. Your overall well being. They stay kickin' the truth to the youth. Keepin it real and funky. Love don't happen in no two days! You can be happy and single. You can, really! And for that Black Women Committee huddled in that corner over there especially, ain't no nygga showin up on a white horse. So, hope you've been putting money away in your IRA.

And so you swear off these types of movies! Or at least paying full price for them. And you get to an age where you might subject yourself to a romantic comedy (strictly for entertainment of course ), but you don't dare believe any of it. Cause that’s just a fairytale, she just happens to have traded a bucket of water for a Chanel purse.

But then when you come out of the dark theatre, and turn the pages of real life aka all these wedding stories in the newspapers. And Minty knows them better than I do, but the ones I do see be like: perfect couple met 20 years ago in college. Sometimes they dated. Sometimes they were just good friends. Then they traveled the world separate and apart. Married and divorced other people. And then fate brought them together again whilst working at an orphanage in Siberia. And you be like word?!? That really happens to people? Why that’s the stuff movies are made out of!

And don't let it be Black people with the most romantical story ever! I think everyone saw that PowerPoint email that was goin round of that Black guy who rented out half the Ritz Carlton, had chick's friends from kindergarten, pastor and parents gathered for that surprise wedding proposal. You be like awwww damn!

It’s like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Don't wanna trust these movies where people fall in love at first sight. But can't really trust these real life stories where he immediately knew she was the one, she wasn’t so sure, she stayed on his mind, and then he did the mostest to woo her. I mean you wanna believe that things can be that easy (seemingly of course, I know it take work - but stay with me people. Ok? Ok!). Effortless. Beautiful. But it's like unicorns. Or mermaids. Or shooting stars. Or nyggas on white horses.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Anonymous said...

Knowing you are in love after 2 days? I don't know. Perhaps when I'm 35 and it is someone I have already been in a relationship with. And we meet again and decide that whatever it was that broke us apart, we have experienced enough of life to realize that relationships are never perfect and we truly did care enough about each other and are now have life experience or changed enough that we can work past those issues.

But as I am now, no. Never happen. I have met women with whom I felt an instant connection - where if things were mutual they certainly could have led to something awesome. But it's only been recently that those feelings were ever more than one sided. Are we in love - I think we're both too pragmatic to answer that question right now.

But two days is too short. That is not enough time to get to know someone. My last two long term relationships lasted 3 years and 1 year respectively. And we were still discovering parts of ourselves and each other, that ultimately put us on different paths. Having gone through this, I will never allow myself to make that kind of decision in that short of time without already having some history with the person. And having time go by where whatever didn't work the first time is no longer an issue.

I think this only works in the case where your split did not occur due to a "I can no longer trust you" situation. I think I will always love my immediate ex. At the same time, right now, I think there are better people for me.

dark n stormy said...

All art is inspired by life, right? So it can't all be make believe? Lol. Actually I am a believer. I think there is no too short or too long time for it to happen. Tavares sang it: "It only takes a minute girl, to fall in love."

Falling in love is mad easy. It's everything else associated with it that's hard as hell ugh! I love reading those wedding stories too... they are so cute and sweet. Then I remind myself that they glossed over all the rough patches and hard times. And I jump back to reality, no longer seeing my face on the body of that smiling bride wearing a diamond tiara. Even I fall for it, and I don't want a wedding gown or doves released at sunset! lol

I say dream away and watch all the romantic comedies you want. Sometimes it's soothing to get lost in someone else's love story. There are horses everywhere... they just ain't all white. Last night, my love arrived on a '92 Civic horse with a broken AC and squealy brakes ;) And it's blue.

Oh and I like Hitch! Will is so cute in that one. Now I wish someone had delivered me from Eva... that one sucked.

Rum Punch said...

@ Kamakula - I see and understand where you're coming from. Especially if it's never happened to you (myself included) so it's hard to conceive. But I was watching the marriage ref the other night and Bette Midler revealed that she and her husband got married after 6 weeks of knowing each other and they have been married 25+ years. So, with anything in life it depends on the people, situation, and then how much work and effort you're willing to put in after the warm and fuzzy feelings go away...

@ Dark n Stormy - HA @ this whoollle entire comment! Especially the there are horses everywhere, they just ain't all white. That is da truf! Lol. And at first I thought this line "Oh and I like Hitch! Will is so cute in that one. Now I wish someone had delivered me from Eva..." was a double entendre cause I was like yesss deliver me from Eva Mendes! I did not like her in Hitch!

Dirty Red said...

Love in 2 days? Naa.. But LUST can happen in 20 minutes. I could have sworn I was in love with a chick only after 5 minutes of good head! lol

Rum Punch said...

@ Dirty Red - LMAO! I can always count on you to come in here and start some mess. Y'all think I'm makin this 2 days in love thing up - it's in the movies. LOLOL! Yes, lust is oh so powerful. Have you doin crazy thangs...