The Mistress and I

So I have a friend who is a mistress and I still like her as a person. This is worth stating because as Courvoisier’s mom pointed out yesterday women folk are programmed to hate the other woman. But I guess we hate the other woman when it's our own situations. I don’t know why women give men folks a pass in these three way triangles. Maybe because we expect boys to be boys and men to have roaming eyes and feet. Which is sad, because I feel like men deserve to have us give them greater expectations. I think we here at the 5 spot have written many a post about men and their “sly” ways…and I think we’ve touched on the importance of sisters strengthen sisters even when they are in the most f***ed up predictament.

For example, this morning my mistress friend tells me that her "man" called his wife the other day (for what I don't know) and before he could get his salutation out she hung up on him. Now since we live in a world of caller id-this answering and hanging up was definitely a passive aggressive way to let her husband know that she was mad. Now amid plans to purchase a house with my friend he is suddenly thinking he shouldn’t since he’s not sure what head space the wifey is in these days. Will she slash his tires? Put out a hit? Put something special is his spaghetti? He's decided to cow-tow until his wife makes her move.

But so you can share in my joy let me set the table for you…

The man is almost twenty years older than my friend. Has two grown children. Hasn’t lived with is wife for two years-and this is the third time he has separated from his wife in their 28 year marriage-but has not filed for a legal separation.

My friend has a six year old daughter and has just gotten a legally binding divorce last month.

The two met at work about 4 years ago, and so began their affair. When they started out they were both married, yet 4 years later she has left her husband, gotten a divorce and he hasn’t so much as gotten a legal separation! This man and my friend seem to think that wifey spotted my girl in her husband’s car and this is why she’s upset, but they really aren't sure of the wife's ire because she refuses to answer the phone when her husband calls.

This is where I pour you a cool glass of lemonade and tell you that my friend is a natural blonde, and in this situation is totally living up to the stereotype. I had many questions upon hearing this latest story. Like, if he and his wife are separated and on the road to divorce why would she be mad at him if she saw him with another woman? Or why all of a sudden do his plans to buy a house with you have to come to a screeching halt because wifey saw you riding with her husband? Amaretto is of the opinion that this man left his wife under the guise of relocating for work and that there are no plans for divorcing. After 4 years together my friend has only met his friends from work-no family. And I've learned that after they find a house that meets their needs he always finds an excuse not to bid on it-be it a fear of mold or of the Mexicans living next door. It just doesn’t make sense from where I sit. If I were a magic 8 ball I would tell her that the outlook of her relationship is not positive.

The facts are that this man will have to give up half of his retirement if he divorces his wife. HALF! Half is a whole lotta money especially when you ain't got much. Yet my friend believes that when this man retires in two years he’s going to make an honest woman out of her. But for why? According to her they are having good times and great sex! What’s his incentive to give up HALF of his check each month to his wife and take on a life that includes raising a 6 year old?

With each insight into her relationship I just want her to shut up, stop and wake up. If she ever asked for my opinion I wonder if I could tell her that I honesty don't think he plans to marry her? Sometime I wonder if I should just tell her that even though she's never asked what I thought. But how do you go about telling someone you think the person they love is worthless? Especially after she talks about the house they just found. Or she says how excited she is about their sailing trip over the weekend? What should I say to this mistress who has given up everything and has become a friend who I know isn’t strong enough to handle the truth? For now I'll just remain silent and hopeful that I am wrong.


See You In Seven