Hey y’all! My last couple posts have been kinda heavy. Apologies. Looming birthdays bring out self reflection. But let’s have some fun today. Shall we? We shall!
Do y’all remember learning in elementary school about how the prettier, more colorful birds were actually the male birds? And that they had bright plumage to get the ladies’ attention? Ahhhh… isn’t it exactly the same in the human world?
Of course as you get older you have to figure out which of the flashy pretty ones, might be gay. But once you jump that hurdle, you are then left with the flashy ones who are parading around like peacocks, thinking that their shiny, pretty things should be enough to get the girl.
You’ve seen these birds. In the club. At the happy hour. At the cookout. At that bourgie function your homegirl dragged you to. Oh wait is that just me being dragged? There he is, all puffed up, feathers just a glistening. Shiny. Colorful. Bold enough to wear pink. No homo. Or thinkin' he's Andre 3000 with an ascot on. It’s more than just having on the nicest suit or a well put together outfit that makes your head turn.
No, his kind is easily recognizable. A wee bit too flashy. Wearing that [enter really nice watch here] and waving it in your face. Or driving that luxury car. Having those spinning rims and then hollering at you out the car window. Name dropping all over the place. You ask what school he went to and his reply is, "a school in Boston." And like Minty said yesterday you wanna choke him and be like, "just say Harvard!"* It is in the presentation, no?
I remember long ago (ok maybe like 4 or 5 years ago) Dark and Stormy and I were at le bar. So, these two guys approach. And it turns out they’re married. Argggg! Then get away, please! But no, they held us hostage. So, this one guy not so casually drops into the conversation that he has a boat. Blink. Ok ma, and? His response, “I can tell you went to [insert everyone’s favorite bougie HBCU here] – I coulda told you I had a spaceship in my backyard and you woulda been callin’ it a rocket. Umm…ok? I mean you said you had a boat, not a yacht. And you're married. Sooo...... He then proceeded to tell me about how he and his wife love to take the boat on the water. The boat. The boat. The boat. I distinctly remember re-capping the experience via email to Amaretto. And I was like, he was all, “our friends don’t wanna hang out with us anymore like they’re jealous.” Amaretto’s response? Or maybe it’s because you keep.talking.about.the boat.
As one wades through this dating pool – there are some lessons you gotta learn. Some signs you gotta see from miles away. With your eyes closed. Some things you gotta recognize. Like – there’s a difference between confident and cocky. No Kanye. That it’s one thing to have a Mercedes Benz whatever series because you admire the German craftsmanship, it’s another to think I should drop my draws because of it. It’s one thing to acquire items. It’s another to covet them. It's one thing to have personal goals/dreams/aspirations. It's another to lack complete humility along the way.
Yes, you can look nice, enjoy fine wines, take awesome vactions, and have art on the walls - but what else are you bringing to the table? Who are you without the Ivy League degrees? The six figure job? The house? The other possessions? Or shooot we can take it down a peg to just a degree from that State school, a 9-5, and an apartment? Cause some of these nigs are thinking us ladies owe em something cause they're here. I blame Steve Harvey n'em. But back to the point, once we get past those pretty feathers, as my mama would say, "what else you got?" And don't show me your Basquiat.
That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!
*My ignorant self was like, you should respond, "Soooo, Northeastern?" BWAAAH!
I been rockin' this song alll week! Words and concepts I can understand! Lol.
SO LONG, FAREWELL...
The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot