A Meeting in the Ladies Room

Did y’all know that Questlove and Black Thought of the incredible Roots crew don’t really like each other? Yes, apparently Things Fall Apart was more than an album title – it describes their relationship. They got into a fistfight whilst overseas in like 1997 or 98 and have never been cool since. But obviously, professionally, they can come together to get the job done. And make that money, honey.

I thought of this when I was watching one of the greatest shows ever – aka Unsung! (On TVone for those of you who don't know). And they were focusing on Klymaxx, the all female band. Basically after years of struggling and putting out albums that went nowhere, they finally caught their big break, had some major hits and then…things fell apart.

There were hurt feelings. And backstabbing. And votes to kick people out the group being taken behind folks back. And people being put out the group. It was a HUGE mess. And it all boils down to the fact that women don’t like confrontation. Don’t want to be honest with each other. Can’t say to someone’s face, “I know you the lead singer, but your swole pregnant ass can’t be up here on stage with us anymore. And we definitely ain’t gon’ be totin no baby round on the road.”

Yes, it sounds harsh. But better to get it out now, instead of having things implode later.

So, admittedly, I have been watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well up until like two weeks ago before life got hectic). Yes, there will be time for you to judge me later. Anyway. One of the roommate’s on again, off again boyfriend who also lives in the house with them was going to the club and kissing other girls. Two other chicks in the house knew this. The chick kept asking them what he was doing at the club. They kept being evasive. And then came up with the brilliant plan to write her a letter detailing his transgressions. As if she wouldn’t know it was her.

But anyone with sense who was watching (but why would you watch if you had sense) was probably like me, screaming at their TV, and being like, “JUST BE A GROWN WOMAN ABOUT YOURS AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!” And then let the chips fall where they may. Let her pick up the pieces. Let her confront him. But be woman enough to have truth as the starting place.

I’m sure there is some research about women’s brains and biological make-up that I could find if it weren't so late that would say that we are “wired” to be more emotional vs. logical. And all that jazz. But I wonder how much farther along we could be as a gender if we put emotions aside, didn't take things so personal, and just got the job done.

As someone who works in an organization that is 99.9% (white) women, I've witnessed up close - the sidesteps, the pleasantries, the frenemies, the smile in your face talk bout you while you walk away, the under non performing co-workers who are kept on because managers are too nice and don't want to do the dirty work and fire anyone. And I've seen black women (myself included) try to take the more direct approach, to call 'em out on their bullish, only to be labeled as angry, threatening, non cooperative. And it's a frustrating existence filled with lots of what the fuss!

So maybe this is women's lot in life. To be too nice. To care too much about what others think. To be unable to dislike and still work beside each other. But I hope not.

I hope we can raise up a generation of girls who become women, who can look each other in the eye, speak their mind, keep it honest, and then either walk away or work it out - from the board room to ladies room.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!