I Miss You Much?

The problem with people is that they can get used to anything.
-Patrick Swayze, On his show The Beast

So, I’ve never actually seen this new Swayze show, but they kept playing this one scene in the previews. And every time he said it, I would think to myself, that is soo daggone true. I mean I for one have always wondered how come slaves in South Carolina for instance didn’t have a mass revolt when they made up 80% of the population. But as usual I digress.

But the statement is truth -you can get used to anything. Excellence, beauty, good, indifference, subpar, bad, ugly, real ugly. Being held in chains. Drinking out of different water fountains. Fried fish in the caf every Friday. Sitting at the back of the bus. Living from check to check. Getting your ass beat just because it’s Tuesday. Or to take it to an even simpler, more basic level, just being around someone.

There is something about a person coming into our lives and taking up space and making us feel all good and stuff. It gets nice. And comfortable. And easy, breezy, beautiful Cover girl. But then like everyone’s favorite prophet, Erkyah Badussy say, “one day, he gon’ say, you crowding my space.” And as often happens, they will politely escort you out of his (or her for you male readers out there) life. And you'll be out in the cold, standing on the sidewalk like, DAYUM! But I liked you. Or at least you thought you liked them. Or maybe you just liked that they filled a void of loneliness. Emptiness. Horniness. Whateverness that you needed filled at that particular time in yo’ life.

Of course you don’t get this, ‘maybe they really weren’t that good for me anyway’ moment of clarity until much, much later. Cause when they are first saying ‘thanks for playing, but I have decided to go in another direction with my life or (even worse) with someone else’, you are done, son. Upset! On some, ‘oh no they di’nt!’ I know they’re not trying to get rid of me! Don’t they know how fine I am? How fly I am? How good I am? I am the shyt. And they must know. When you’re in this part of the grieving process, all types of wrong, ignant, things can happen. But we shan’t go there today…

And then come the questions: what am I going to do now? Now that they’re not here? How will I make it through? Who will I talk to now for hours on end about absolutely nothing? Who can I go to these shows and movies and dinners and outings with? Or better yet, who is going to pay for me to go to these shows and movies and dinners and outings? Who can I call now when I need some late night lovin? And on...

And then the urges. Cause now you sittin’ in the house bored as hell. The urge to call and just see what they’re up to. To send a nice lil’, friendly, how you doin’, maybe we should link up sometime email. To invite them to a show you know they would love to see. To send that late, late night text, inviting them over for one last, last, last time, for uh, some milk and cookies. To sit outside their house and see what time they come into the house and who they wit. Ok, I’m kidding with that last one. Or am I? No, I am.

It’s a devastating occurrence. Or at least it feels that way when you’re in the midst. Because as human beings we can/do/will get attached. Some quicker than others. But for most of us, when we didn’t even realize we were. Thinking we putting up brick walls. That it’s just sex. That you can just shake ‘em off. Oh what fools us mortals be. In truth when you have spent an ample amount of time with someone, gotten to know them on some level, given up a part of yourself to another person - whether it was on a physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual level, when that person is gone, when that feeling they brought you when they were around is gone, there is a void. You can’t deny it. Well you can, but you ain’t foolin nobody.

Cause the truth is you will miss them. You will miss it. You will miss whatever it is you thought it was at the time. You will mourn it. You will be angry about it. You will try to get it back. You will be frustrated. And it will suck. And you will wonder how you’ll make it through when they’re not around to give you [fill in your own blank here]. How will you move on? But then somewhere in there, in between actin a fool and backslidin, you put one foot in front of the other and get to walking, and start looking past that person and towards greater possibilities. And you learn you can live without them. You can get used to a life without them. That’s the thing about people…

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Rage Against the Machine

So, if you know me, then you know that I love all , most things reality. Yes, I will allow you to judge me, right now… Done? Ok. Moving on. While I know that a majority of reality shows are scripted and contrived – there are two that definitely, for real, for real aren’t. They are: The Amazing Race and Parking Wars. The Amazing Race follows teams of two racing around the world, competing in various challenges for a million dollar prize. Parking Wars follows the woes of people who get parking tickets, boots on their car or their cars towed.

I love Parking Wars because it’s a prime example of what happens when the bureaucracy of the system and real, everyday people collide. Oh yes, did I neglect to point out that the show is taped in the one and only Philadelphia? Yes, these people are gangsta! They will cut a meter maid. Or at least cuss ‘em out and tell ‘em to get a real job! LOL! But every episode features people who are, “just doing their job” vs. people who are frustrated with the process that entails.

As I have mentioned, I recently had my vehicle stolen. And the thieves got a ticket on my car. So, I have to contest the ticket. And they want to see a copy of the police report. I go to the police station the other day, give them my police report number and the woman goes to a small, two drawer desk, with no label or anything on it and starts to look for the report. And I desperately want to yell, “is this your organizational system?”

So of course she says, "I can't find your police report." And while I hold in a, "No, really? Who would have thought that?" I just stare at her and feign disbelief. Of course I have to wait for the police officer who originally "wrote" the report to get out of roll call so he can tell me, “I don’t know what happen to your report ma’am. But if you wait 20 minutes, I’ll write you another one.” Say what?!? Where is my Straight Outta Compton CD cause I’m about to blast FCUK THE POLICE up in here! But it’s not FCUK THE POLICE, it’s FCUK THE SYSTEM! Or moreso FCUK THE PEOPLE IN THE SYSTEM WHO KEEP THE SYSTEM DISORGANIZED!! FCUK!

Cause let’s be honest, we’ve all come across a seemingly incompetent, do the least possible, government/federal/state/city employee. Or one who truly giveth not a fcuk about your issues cause they gon’ get their 8 hours of vacation and 8 hours of sick leave regardless. Or one who shuts off their phone at 4:45, when the office doesn’t really close until 5:00. Or the one who says they’ll call you back with an answer to your question. And never, ever do. These are the people who are “ruining” our lives. Ok, maybe not ruining, but making it that much more difficult to get what should be everyday, simple things, done.

I have a friend who is in the throes of a mayoral race in a major city. A major city that like all major cities has its share of problems. And while I respect his hustle, his foresight to hop on the O train of hope and change, and his true dedication and love for his hometown, it seems to me that true change really has to go beyond fixing a certain infrastructure or pouring money into this or that, if at the end of the day, you have the same, tired, can't see past what they've been taught at training, people working in the system, taking (or not taking) calls, responsible for handling money, not caring about a politician or city council's overall vision or goal. Having a job that’s really hard to lose/be fired from anyway, thus diminishing their want to even do work. Like at all.

The same people who won’t deliver books to the schools. The same people who are stealing left and right. The same people who lack basic critical thinking skills. Who refuse to think outside of the box. Who think it’s a good idea that after I’ve put in all the legwork to track down my stolen car, I should then go by myself, alone to the neighborhood where I think it’s located. I mean me calling to request a police officer on the scene - what’s that about? Why would I even do such a thing?

As a former federal government employee who answered people's questions alll day long, we were often complimented by people for actually being helpful. We were the anomaly. People were in shock and awe when we a. called them back b. gave them an answer c. knew what the hell we were talking about. But the directors in our department truly believed that we were public servants and so that meant that we had to, you know, do our job. And do it well.

But I must tell y'all that I fear that if things are bad now, they will only get worse. For realz. I go into city schools everyday and here’s what I know: our babies can’t read. Like at all. Like for real. Like at all. And they can’t do math. And they lack reasoning skills. And I believe the children are our future. But what if they’re not being taught well? And yet, they are supposed to lead the way? Twenty years from now, they will be the people on the other side of the phone (I mean if we still have phones in the future).

What happens when a society doesn't invest in its children and teach them basic skills so they can navigate the world? What happens when a government doesn't invest in or even properly teach its people who work within the system? I mean why was there a woman at my government job who asked me what our agency did? Say what? And you been working here for how long? 11 years? So, basically you're just collecting a paycheck... What happens when the system doesn't hold its people accountable to provide quality service to their fellow citizens? How will things get done? How will things, you know, for real, for real, change?

It seems like a never ending cycle. Of politicians promising this and that. New blood coming in to change things and make it all better! But with the same system in place. The same bureaucracy. The same red tape. The same fcuking people. Over and over. Year after year. Slowing down the process of change. And I ask, “why? Why, Lord?" And then I press one for English and wait for some help...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Who Are The People In My Neighborhood?

As I was walking to work last week, I realized I say Good Morning to the same people every day. In fact one morning, a person (we are not on first name basis) said “Didn’t see you yesterday”

“Hmm…” I thought, “there’s something nice about being familiar with your neighborhood.”

Now, hold that thought because at that moment I was taken right back to my childhood days. Remember, the Sesame Street song “Who are the people in your neighborhood?








Well from that point onwards I was singing until I got to work. Check out the people in my neighborhood. Sing along, my lyrics below.

Oh, who are the people in my neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
Say, who are the people in my neighborhood?
The people that I meet each day.

Oh, da sandwich lady cooks on wheels,
Quick, cheap and greasy first meals.
Selling egg and cheese for two bucks,
She’s only there for breakfast, which sucks.

'Cause da sandwich lady is a person in my neighborhood,
In my neighborhood,
In my neighborhood,
Da sandwich lady is a person in my neighborhood,
A person that I meet each day.

Oh, da hus’le man always has good deals,
On items you’re not sure he steals,
But he can get me the latest DVD,
At a price none of da stores can beat.

'Cause da hus’le man is a person in my neighborhood,
In my neighborhood,
In my neighborhood,
And da sandwich lady is a person in my neighborhood.

They’re the people that I meet,
When I am walking down the street,
They’re the people that I meet each day.

Crazy? I know. If only I had more time I would make a video for you guys.

Much luv until next week…peace and happy holidays!

The Makings of You

There's a time in your life when you find who you are
That's the golden time of day.

-Golden Time of Day, Maze featuring Frankie Beverly

Is this not one of the most beautiful ideas revealed in song? In life? Frankie n'em hit the nail on the head with this line right c’here. Even though as people we all grow and change, there comes a time when you have to set some standards, principles, convictions, truths about and for yourself. You have to know who you are and where you stand. Now let's not play ourselves, it takes some people longer than others to get there but hopefully everyone will…cause once you do, it's a beautiful thing, but it certainly is a process.

There are two people in my family, my great aunt’s husband and my maternal grandfather, who I never met but have heard about, and hearing stories about them has made them legends of sorts in my eyes. Both men passed away before I was born. But whenever someone speaks about them, it's always with a quiet reverence and genuine admiration, like they left more than an impact but an imprint on my family’s soul.

It's interesting to hear what people have to say about someone, and not while their eulogy is being given at the funeral, but after that, years later, decades later even, when people remember the sums that made that person whole. It really says something that everyone has the same view of that person, without having to consult others for agreement, because that person left each individual with the same impression. And that's a powerful thing. Ain't it?

I'm not saying that either of these men walked through life, thinking "let me be this way so people have something good to say when I'm gone." But instead it seems that they knew what kind of men or more so people they wanted to be and they lived their lives accordingly. From what I understand they were hard working men, doting husbands, loving fathers, helpful neighbors, daily Bible & Upper Room reading men, humble men, fair men, men who never raised their voices, wise men who spoke in plain and common sense language that had the power to instill lessons. From these seemingly mundane, everyday activities of working, raising a family, being a husband, character emerged, principles were revealed, and values were affirmed. And the people around them noticed and remembered. Now, I don't know what experiences helped shaped their final decision of how they wanted to live life, but I think that at some point, they had to have looked at life and said, this is how I'm going to navigate it, and this is the kind of person I'm going to be while doing it.

And that's a hard thing. To become a consistent person. To know yourself at your core and then to live your life in such a way that it’s revealed in the seemingly insignificant moments that in actuality string life together. That’s a beautiful thing. But it can take some work getting there. It can take some growing up, some exiting from a state of denial into one of acceptance about one’s flaws and imperfections, some true self examination of where you've been and where you want to go. I’m sure at one point or another; a lot of us have had to stop to ask ourselves: Who am I? What kind of person do I want to become? How do I get there? The hope is that you find the answers along the journey, hopefully in time, to enjoy the sunshine.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!