to settle, part i

So, this week I'm out the office for career development training and yesterday after 5 hours the instructor finally said something profound "people do what you accept and never what you expect". . .

On my train ride home I got to thinkin' about his quote . . . for one I prefer the synonym settle over accept.

"why do we settle and then complain about what we got"


I know of the serial daters (7+ years -- I would have typed 5 [but it seems so commonplace that 7 years qualify as serial dating in this day & age]) where one half of the couple is not happy about the stagnation in the relationship (i.e. gettin' to the next level a la marriage) and its usually the woman.

When I ask "what are you going to do?" a huge sigh lingers in the air and trust me folks -- silence is golden. At that point they don't have to verbally answer because they gave me the answer already -- they're gonna do nothing. But so why get in a funk when 7 years turns into 10?

Not surprisingly, when I talk to the fellas -- I ask "how's the relationship going" and they reply its doing just fine. Clearly there is a disconnect. Sometimes the guy will even acknowledge the funk his girlfriend is in, but to his defense he'll say "I told her I like the relationship as is," and who can get mad at that?

Now when I dig in deeper and I explore why the woman is still in the relationship, this is what I get. . . "I thought we would have been married by now," when or rather why did you think that -- in my mind I'm like he never proposed. And yet I get some super honest souls who reveal that they won't leave because they don't wanna do nothing on their own (this is for the cohabitors) "I don't pay for anything besides my car note and insurance, he pays for everything." OOoohhhh. . . folks are complacent, but that's an honest response so I respect the statement. Then at times I get the super honest comment compounded on top of the honest comment "Ain't no bitch benefittin' from him except me!" Well, I be damned -- so that's what really going on. . . I try not to analyze any further('cuz all the psychoanalysis I picked up from my professors is readily coming to my mind, but I'm semi-justified 'cuz one of my degrees is in psychology). Ain't that some crazy shit???

At the end of the day I call it settling, and if you choose to complain just know you're not justified in your complaining -- as my friend's daddy would say "why he got to buy the cow if you're giving the milk for free."

Now I gotta go catch the train so I'm not late (but you know I'm gonna be a lil' late) for training day part II.

cheers,

Bellini