WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

SO LONG, FAREWELL...

The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Thursday, November 15, 2007

so is it A or B, do you know the answer?

I have a problem. If I wanted to be dramatic, I could call it a disease.

Recently, I can't make up my mind for shit! I'm encapable of picking a lane, deciding on a course, choosing which way to go.

Ok. so doesn't sound so bad does it? but in practice it is the worst.

The past few months I been struggling trying to figure out how I got here... indecisionville, usa. Cause I've been making decisions all my life (and well might I add).

Deciding that I wanted to go to a magnet high school way outside of my neighborhood with a whole new set of (ghetto) kids because i just knew i wanted to be a lawyer. Disappointing my parents and defying my stepdad's challenge ("if you go to that school I wash my hands of you"...i know, tre dramatic) and going to the school I felt was home (one of the best decisions of my life). Even my grad school choice was a cliff hanger for a minute there.... would it be the state school or the ultra expensive but very glamourous top 5 in the city. And I stepped off that particular cliff with confidence (again great move girl!).

Each time i made a turn, I knew that it was the right choice. I had a feeling in my gut that this was the right school, the right profession. I was walking in my destiny even if I was slightly off the target telling myself "jesus would make it allright please make it allright I don't know what this is all about but I'm goin up this ..... " errr

ok you get it. And it was alright. until now...

since I've actually entered the profession a lil over a year ago, all the clear choices have evaporated. i've lost the ability to trust my gut. everything is open and available to me. And nothing feels quite right. So I flounder....I flip and then I wonder if it's a flop.

eeeekkkk....

i constantly second guess myself and each time i'm ready to make a turn, crafted a new plan, a new shiny choice pops it's head up and says hey have you considered me? and i'ma gone on and tell ya'll....i love shiny new choices! i love entering a new experience soaking it up and then jumping onto the next thing. it's like i want to have the new car smell in my life forever.

why you ask? that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? i think it's because i have a fear of commitment, of permenancy, complacency, the norm.

anybody know of a job where i can travel every 6 months, work with kids and splash in some law...holla!

i'm also taking suggestions on life in the comments as well

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