growing out too soon?

this sunday's new york times magazine will feature a story about tweens coming out of the closet. the piece shares the stories of middle students across america who are openly homosexual and accepted by their parents and peers.

Austin doesn’t have to play “the pretend game,” as he calls it, anymore. At his
middle school, he has come out to his close friends, who have been supportive. A
few of his female friends responded that they were bisexual. “Half the girls I
know are bisexual,” he said. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his mom yet, but
she found out a week before the dance. “I told my cousin, my cousin told this
other girl, she told her mother, her mother told my mom and then my mom told
me,” Austin explained. “The only person who really has a problem with it is my
older sister, who keeps saying: ‘It’s just a phase! It’s just a phase!’ ”

source

the idea of a 12 or 13 year old coming out to the world and proclaiming themselves gay makes me feel ________. i haven't quite worked out what that blank means. for sure, the heteronormative behavior of your average 12 or 13 year old is not examined, critizied or ridiculed. that is to say that when the average 12 or 13 year old has a crush on the opposite sex or becomes coupled up, eyebrows aren't raised quite as high. although on a side rant, i think they should be since kids that age should be focused on scholastic endeavors and not on romantic entanglements. however i think coming out at such a tender age is dangerous. for what do kids at that age know about any thing, most especially their sexuality? in pushing for equality and equal rights have we steamrolled the growth process of young children; the period when youth need the moral standards of their parents to guide them through the times of uncertainty and experimentation that can be the tween and teen years? the article provides some interesting insight.

what say ya'll?

art of struggle

some people like to struggle.
admit it.
it is a fact of life.

the operative word is like--the term is up for dispute.
i have a friend who disputes the fact (Team Struggle) and then i have another who echoes my thoughts (Team Anti-Stupidity). folks we have to admit there are somethings that are just black and white, and our efforts to imbue shades of grey is relegating us to remain in senseless conditions. perhaps if i provide scenarios your rationale may become crystal clear.

scenario #1: RiRi and Chris
Team Struggle: suggests that RiRi probably instigated some of the offensive attacks she received from Chris. by no means does Team Struggle condone Chris' actions
Team Anti-Stupidity: reckons some folks like to get their ass beat!

scenario #2: Octopulets
Team Struggle: believes the Mother's mental state ain't right, probably psychological shit is goin' on
Team Anti-Stupidity: states it's plain ol' stupid, dumb fool! and it ain't fair to the chil'ren

scenario #3: out-of-control teenagers
Team Struggle: beat their ass
Team Anti-Stupidity: fcuk 'em up

see i told you somethings are literally black and white
folks stop making up the grey

cheers,

Bellini

Love changes and Best Friends become strangers...

My friend, who has been like a sister to me, flew in from LA to visit family and friends during the holidays. Her arrival got me thinking about our friendship and I concluded that if I met this girl today there is no way we would be friends. I think back to that March day in 1996 when I was the new girl in school and how easy it was for us to bond over our mutual love of General Hospital, Big Macs and boys. But time has changed a lot about us and we don’t have many common interest. I can say I love her dearly-but I’m definitely not liking her too much these days. This friendship makes me wonder what folks do at the point where they just want to let people go...

So around this time last year ‘Dis Friend (how she’ll be referred to from here on out) was getting serious talking to a boy in Los Angeles she met on, of all places, MySpace. This boy was crazy, and I told her so…in that supportive friend way of course. This boy went to jail for some crazy counterfeit money making scheme and ‘Dis Friend faithfully wrote him weekly, sent additional care packages, would wait up in the wee hours of the morning for a Collect Call from crazy jail boy #126579. Now in ‘Dis Friend’s defense, when she met him (left a message on his page) he wasn’t in jail…so I guess we can take a half point off her crazy card.

But it’s about history right? Understand there were good times, but who wants to read about those? I have lent ‘Dis Friend money, stood as a witness to her marriage to an illegal, listened to her tales of cocaine use, random sexual conquests and pregnancy scare. I’ve lived through her drunken episodes, fights between her parents (the physical kind were one ends up in the hospital), her atheism, her hatred of Christianity, her sudden weight loss plan-where there were life threatening complications, her suicide attempt our freshmen year in college. And really there is more, so much more I could tell, I’m just thankful she was diagnosed as bi-polar and can take pills to help regulate some of this craziness…

But there isn’t a pill for love. So while we lived together, within a two week period she decided to move out LA to make it work with newly released crazy jail boy. This fool told her that she should stop taking her meds because of the evilness that is the pharmaceutical companies and in the same breath he also told her that they could never have a future together. Um. Yeah. So why was she packing her bags? Why did she tell all our friends of this decision to move and not me-friend and roommate? Why was I the one who was left nearly homeless? Because that’s how ‘Dis Friend rolls. No consideration for others, completely selfish and when her mind is made up…ain’t no changing it.

After me actively avoiding her, we finally hung out this Saturday. We ended up going to a Catholic high school basketball game that her friend from her old job coached. While sitting in the bleachers, she told me that LA wasn’t working out (had a big falling out with crazy jail boy and he kicked her out), that she wasn’t sure how she was going to pay this month’s rent and car note (so broke as hell), how she missed home and she was moving back (it hasn’t even been a year yet). So I played it cool, listened and was feeling myself slipping back in my old SistaGirl friend role when she decided to drop a bomb on me.

‘Dis Friend asks if I remember when she had a crush on her coach friend over across the court. To which I replied: “Yes, didn’t he and his wife just have a baby?” To which she said: “Yes…”and goes on to reveal that she got him.

She grins from ear to ear

In shock, I asked her if the sex was everything she imagined, she giggled and said “Yes, all six times!” I asked her if she felt bad about being and an adulterer, and she flatly said “No. But it’s hard being the mistress.” Is it? Becuase I think it sucks to be the wife.

Oh, at that point I was so disgusted ya'll! I would have walked away if she hadn’t driven me there! Damnit! ‘Dis Friend is always amid drama…and quite frankly I’ve gotten so use to not having to hear, deal and care about it that I don’t want her to move back. And though I just want to walk away I wonder who will help pick up the pieces when things fall apart for her again. I feel guilty because I don't want it to be me.


See You In Seven

so is it A or B, do you know the answer?

I have a problem. If I wanted to be dramatic, I could call it a disease.

Recently, I can't make up my mind for shit! I'm encapable of picking a lane, deciding on a course, choosing which way to go.

Ok. so doesn't sound so bad does it? but in practice it is the worst.

The past few months I been struggling trying to figure out how I got here... indecisionville, usa. Cause I've been making decisions all my life (and well might I add).

Deciding that I wanted to go to a magnet high school way outside of my neighborhood with a whole new set of (ghetto) kids because i just knew i wanted to be a lawyer. Disappointing my parents and defying my stepdad's challenge ("if you go to that school I wash my hands of you"...i know, tre dramatic) and going to the school I felt was home (one of the best decisions of my life). Even my grad school choice was a cliff hanger for a minute there.... would it be the state school or the ultra expensive but very glamourous top 5 in the city. And I stepped off that particular cliff with confidence (again great move girl!).

Each time i made a turn, I knew that it was the right choice. I had a feeling in my gut that this was the right school, the right profession. I was walking in my destiny even if I was slightly off the target telling myself "jesus would make it allright please make it allright I don't know what this is all about but I'm goin up this ..... " errr

ok you get it. And it was alright. until now...

since I've actually entered the profession a lil over a year ago, all the clear choices have evaporated. i've lost the ability to trust my gut. everything is open and available to me. And nothing feels quite right. So I flounder....I flip and then I wonder if it's a flop.

eeeekkkk....

i constantly second guess myself and each time i'm ready to make a turn, crafted a new plan, a new shiny choice pops it's head up and says hey have you considered me? and i'ma gone on and tell ya'll....i love shiny new choices! i love entering a new experience soaking it up and then jumping onto the next thing. it's like i want to have the new car smell in my life forever.

why you ask? that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? i think it's because i have a fear of commitment, of permenancy, complacency, the norm.

anybody know of a job where i can travel every 6 months, work with kids and splash in some law...holla!

i'm also taking suggestions on life in the comments as well

sometimes...

so....this week i've been feelin' kinda blah, annoyed with everyone, myself included. and when i get in a funk, music is my solace. and one of the neo-soul anthems that is oh so appropriate is bilal's "sometimes."

ever been to one of his concerts and you know what i'm talkin bout. everybody, including the folks tryin to act cute in the back, sings along to this joint.

this week i felt like remixin' it, to reflect how i'm feelin....check the video below and sing along to my new lyrics posted below...
enjoy!

*in a barely comprehensible whisper*
from inside the head of a girl who can be called a dreamer
these are her wishes and dreams [REPEAT in the background]

This is a song that makes me spill out all my brains sometimes

Sometimes

I wish I was a better me sometimes
I wish I was annoying-people free sometimes
I wish I saw the bullshit first sometimes
I wish I knew which way to go without searchin’ sometimes
I wish I could go where I never been
See what I never saw, do what I never did
Or walk before I could crawl, every day of my life

I wish I went with my heart not my head sometimes
I wish I had a man in my bed sometimes
I mean I’m worth it
Since I did all that work at the gym yesterday
But then he ain't good to me
As I am good to him
And he don't pay my attention the way that I do sometimes

But ya’ll, I should be nicer than I am sometimes
I take this changin’ my mind shit waaaay too far
I mean, it was kinda adventurous in the beginning but now
I think I only do it cuz I can’t commit sometimes
It’s got people thinkin’ I don't have a clue sometimes
But I guess it wouldn't be so bad
If I knew what was goin’ on in my own head
Then it wouldn't hurt me so bad
When I picture my life with no meaning sometimes

I wish I knew life with loads of money, yeah
Wish I held the keys to that house sometimes
I pretend cuz I'm afraid to be, afraid to choose sometimes
I hope I get married by twenty-nine sometimes
I wish I could be like Eva in Paris
Round up my bridesmaids, move down the aisle
And live a better life sometimes
I wish I didn't try so hard sometimes
Who knows how he’s comin’ any way
They don't know nothing, who needs their approval

The world is in your hands sista
Move at your own pace, listen to your own mind
Do your own thing, yeah yeah
I gotta tell my self this every day
And I gotta grow more, yeah yeah
But I wanna run back in the other direction
Nope, I got to stay on this path until I win
I win, I win, I win
I wanna win, I wanna win, I wanna win, I wanna win

Aaahh sometimes, sing it with me I wish
(I wish true love) And I wish, oh I wish
(I wish self-peace) Oh sometimes
(I wish hope) I wish hope
(I wish true love) I wish true
(I dream clearly) Hey I dream so clearly sometimes
(Wish with no fear) I wish with no fear
(I have no fear) I have no fear
(Have no doubt) I have no doubt
(I don't doubt) I don't doubt
(Have no doubt) No, I don't doubt
(Have no doubt, I wish true love)

I wish true love, hey hey

Blueprint, Part I

Good morning folks, I need your perspective . . .

A good friend of mine is pregnant with her second child, not married, a part of me can't comprehend why and let me tell you why. In the decade, since her first child was born, she graduated from college in 4 years (which is a feat in & of itself) landed a entry-level corporate America job and was holdin' steady, while in the works was her preparation for entering a graduate school program. We talk about buying homes, movin' out from mama n'em (shouts out to Rum Punch), pursuing the graduate degree . . . But now she's pregnant and I'm like WTF. Now wedding bells may not be far I hope, but I have to wonder why she chose this blueprint. I can truly say I was blindsided.


It has to be much easier being rest assured you can rely on two incomes. I'm not a preacher and I'm not here to preach, but logically speaking -- if you're married there's an income combo at play (the adage "2 heads are better than 1" -- comes to mind) so the reliance on 2 salaries is a "given" concept, but when not married are your "givens" are a whimsical afterthought. You forfeit the "givens" as a guarantee, until further notice. . . So with that being said, why choose this blueprint when prior experience taught you better or did it? Hmmm. . . that's the golden question and when I muster the gumption to ask her -- I will sooner than later -- and I'll let you know her reply. Through the test of time, tried & true, that's my girl for life and I'll be there for her, but I can't help but wonder why. . .


So, my question to you all is why do we choose certain blueprints? Knowing these blueprints are our foundation in life? Whether it's financing a car, or home we can't afford, or not sacrificing immediate luxuries for greater returns, why?


Life is all about decisions.


Cheers,

Bellini