WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Love changes and Best Friends become strangers...

My friend, who has been like a sister to me, flew in from LA to visit family and friends during the holidays. Her arrival got me thinking about our friendship and I concluded that if I met this girl today there is no way we would be friends. I think back to that March day in 1996 when I was the new girl in school and how easy it was for us to bond over our mutual love of General Hospital, Big Macs and boys. But time has changed a lot about us and we don’t have many common interest. I can say I love her dearly-but I’m definitely not liking her too much these days. This friendship makes me wonder what folks do at the point where they just want to let people go...

So around this time last year ‘Dis Friend (how she’ll be referred to from here on out) was getting serious talking to a boy in Los Angeles she met on, of all places, MySpace. This boy was crazy, and I told her so…in that supportive friend way of course. This boy went to jail for some crazy counterfeit money making scheme and ‘Dis Friend faithfully wrote him weekly, sent additional care packages, would wait up in the wee hours of the morning for a Collect Call from crazy jail boy #126579. Now in ‘Dis Friend’s defense, when she met him (left a message on his page) he wasn’t in jail…so I guess we can take a half point off her crazy card.

But it’s about history right? Understand there were good times, but who wants to read about those? I have lent ‘Dis Friend money, stood as a witness to her marriage to an illegal, listened to her tales of cocaine use, random sexual conquests and pregnancy scare. I’ve lived through her drunken episodes, fights between her parents (the physical kind were one ends up in the hospital), her atheism, her hatred of Christianity, her
sudden weight loss plan-where there were life threatening complications, her suicide attempt our freshmen year in college. And really there is more, so much more I could tell, I’m just thankful she was diagnosed as bi-polar and can take pills to help regulate some of this craziness…

But there isn’t a pill for love. So while we lived together, within a two week period she decided to move out LA to make it work with newly released crazy jail boy. This fool told her that she should stop taking her meds because of the evilness that is the pharmaceutical companies and in the same breath he also told her that they could never have a future together. Um. Yeah. So why was she packing her bags? Why did she tell all our friends of this decision to move and not me-friend and roommate? Why was I the one who was left nearly homeless? Because that’s how ‘Dis Friend rolls. No consideration for others, completely selfish and when her mind is made up…ain’t no changing it.

After me actively avoiding her, we finally hung out this Saturday. We ended up going to a Catholic high school basketball game that her friend from her old job coached. While sitting in the bleachers, she told me that LA wasn’t working out (had a big falling out with crazy jail boy and he kicked her out), that she wasn’t sure how she was going to pay this month’s rent and car note (so broke as hell), how she missed home and she was moving back (it hasn’t even been a year yet). So I played it cool, listened and was feeling myself slipping back in my old SistaGirl friend role when she decided to drop a bomb on me.

‘Dis Friend asks if I remember when she had a crush on her coach friend over across the court. To which I replied: “Yes, didn’t he and his wife just have a baby?” To which she said: “Yes…”and goes on to reveal that she got him.

She grins from ear to ear

In shock, I asked her if the sex was everything she imagined, she giggled and said “Yes, all six times!” I asked her if she felt bad about being and an adulterer, and she flatly said “No. But it’s hard being the mistress.” Is it? Becuase I think it sucks to be the wife.

Oh, at that point I was so disgusted ya'll! I would have walked away if she hadn’t driven me there! Damnit! ‘Dis Friend is always amid drama…and quite frankly I’ve gotten so use to not having to hear, deal and care about it that I don’t want her to move back. And though I just want to walk away I wonder who will help pick up the pieces when things fall apart for her again. I feel guilty because I don't want it to be me.

See You In Seven


Bellini said...

ooohhh. . . crazy! uh-uh "fool me once,shame on you; fool me twice --" girl, let it burn; sometimes life has an uncanny way of reveling where you been and where you ain't going. . . heed to that advice


Always.Funky.Fresh said...

You should have acted surprised when she said six times and said "oh that's it. I did nine times with him the night before you came and he bought me [insert expensive material item]" Maybe it would piss her off and not talk to you.

You grow out of friends like old clothes but you still keep them in your closet. But one day you gotta clean out that closet to make space for the new and better stuff.

mint julep said...

it's hard but you sometimes have to take stock and clean house when it comes to grade school friends. but when folks infringe on your growth (bringing all that drama ain't growth) then you gotta slowly let it fade. you'll be better for it.

Rum Punch said...

You grow out of friends like old clothes but you still keep them in your closet. But one day you gotta clean out that closet to make space for the new and better stuff.

I agree w/ Funky Fresh, sometimes you gotta put those old clothes in a big ol trash bag and take 'em on down to goodwill!

mjr-banx said...

WHAT!? I would have walked out too! You keep your sins to yourself. You don’t share that stuff or at least have some respect for the wife and child and not talk about that ish in public! Have some dignity…that is nothing to smile about! I know how easy it is to be selfish but YOU know when something is wrong. And if you know you doing wrong, keep that mess under wraps. OKAY I am done with my rant.

Anyway friends are like seasons girl, they come and go.

As you get older you realize that some people are on a totally different Ferris wheel.

I wonder how many friends sayings we could come up with?

P.S. LOL Funky Fresh!!!

FunkyBlackChick said...

I disbanded from a woman I met my freshman year in college back in '94 (yeah I'm aging myself)...After all of those years, I just got tired of her attitude and moody ways and just told her I couldn't take it anymore. That was this past May. Two weeks ago I received a wedding invite from her. I'm starting to think she just wants a gift.

Amaretto said...

You all made some good, valid, and funny points. Message received!

I guess now I'm debating if I'm going to go with the changing her name to "you bet not answer" in my phone, or the direct "It's not you it's me" conversation. Cuz really it's me that has changed (Thank God)! She's been quite consistent in the lack of consideration department.

And at the same time, I think about how I've put up with so much thus far, is her indiscretion enough for me to throw up my deuces on our friendship forever? Forever-ever? Do we even have a friendship anymore? Maybe I can change her!(and down the rabbit hole I fall)

I hope I'm not a glutton for punishment.

pSerendipity said...

I am having this same dilemma. Not that my friend has brought the same kind of drama yours has, but that she just always has some kind of drama. She is a beautiful person, but sometimes you just wonder how long somebody can be in foreclosure or in a bad relationship or looking for a job or just plain old down and out. I decided the other day that it was just getting on my nerves and told her as much. She's all upset about what I said and I feel bad, but not enough to call or e-mail her. I know before long I'll get sucked back in. I just need a break. Hmmm, what to do, what to do.....