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-The Five Spot

Thursday, March 13, 2008

what do you really want?

Why do we say we want one thing but continue to pick the complete opposite every time? Yea that's hella general but roll wit me for a minute I have a point.

On a recent episode of millionaire matchmaker a mid 40s millionaire comes to Patti talking about how he's tired of the bimbos and how he wants someone who is smart, mature, accomplished and into nature and healthy living because those are the things that he's into at this point in his life. So Patti sets him up on a group date/cocktail hour with 6-10 women she think he might like. He narrows the field down to 2 women. Miss A is exactly what he described: mid 30s special education teacher/yoga junkie who is intelligent but also pretty. But not in that typical L.A. blond bimbo way. She looks like an everyday Nicole Kidman plus some freckles.Mis B is exactly what the guy said he didn't want: a young hot dumb blonde barely outta college. And of course, despite Patti's protestations he chooses Miss B for the extended date. Needless to say, the date is a disaster. Several cringworthy moments ensue. Picture him chanting/praying over his vegan dinner while she looks on, snickering while digging into her plate of ribs. I bristled over that episode. The guy picked the complete opposite of what he said he wanted. It seems his libido and first appearance attractions did him in.

And while having dinner the other night, I came across the same thing again. My friend, I shall call him Tony, is a real cool dude, down to earth but also sexy as hell! He's got a great job, savings and some real goals. We grew up in the same city and we basically went to the same college, if our colleges had been co-ed. So Tony was telling me about this new woman (we'll call her New New) he's been dating for about two months now. He's frustrated because she doesn't have much time for him because she's always working. Apparently, she's a lowly litigation associate like me who works at a top New York law firm and is always billing hours even when they are chillin at her house on the weekends. Yeah, clearly I giveth not a fucketh about the billable hour or my job because there I was having dinner with him around 7 on a Tuesday night. but I digress.

I pressed Tony on his problems with New New because working a lot isn't necessarily a serious character flaw. He went on to say basically she's fakin like turkey bacon (c) Rum Punch. Tony feels like he's a pretty good catch and feels New New should be trying to spend more time, etc. instead of taking him for granted especially since according to Tony she aint even all that. Apparently New New's idea of a great catch would be someone who's a high powered trader or working at a hedge fund not a "regular" banker like Tony.

Obviously New New is nutso and unaware of the times we Black women are living in. She got Tony here trying to do the damn thang and she is reaching for more. Exactly where she's gonna find this more, I have no clue. I soon realized during the conversation that Tony and New New's goals and aspirations for the future just don't jive. He hates Corporate America and is trying to escape ASAP while she seems in it for the long haul and wants a male version of herself to marry. So why was he dating her again, why did he even like her, cause it sounded like they didn't have much in common beyond their respective resumes and she sounded kinda stank to me. And I won't even go into the part of the dinner where Tony talked about his old girlfriend who seemed to have the same stank face attitude that New New does, trying to tell him what he should be doing with his life (climbing the corporate ladder) instead of listening to what he wants for himself.

So being the internets stalker that I am, I found myself on New New's firm website at work the next morning to see if I could find a visual cause although Tony didn't mention her name he had told me where she went to school. And kids, let's just say she ain't that cute. Certainly not cute enough to be frontin on my boy like she got 'yonce grade looks. Despite her light skin and longish hair (the part-time proxies for real beauty to some) she gets a fugly rating from me. Please, light skinned-ed folks, don't get your panties in a bunch cause i know ya'll know somebody who ain't no parts to cute running around thinking they hot shit just cause they light and they buy into that "lighter is ALL right" crap. check this foolishness out (especially the first comment) if you don't believe me.

It seems to me that the kind of women Tony and matchmaker guy say that they want and who would be good for them are not who they end up with because they get sold on the physical package. They don't turn off their default setting to get with women who are just as beautiful (if not more so) and who may have what they're looking for. Of course, this phenom isn't confined to these two men. I know plenty women and men who operate the same way. But I just don't get it. Do you?


Gangsta D said...

Sometimes I find myself going through the following internal dialogue, "This is not what you want. Yeah, but at least I know what I'm getting."

Maybe the familiarity plays a part in it. It's like an equation. You know exactly what the answer is going to be. The answer may suck, but at least you won't be surprised by it. Most people are unwilling to step out on that ledge and try something different, even if different is what they want.

*B* Fab said...

I saw that episode randomly the other day and was thinking why did he pick her. And, omg! The date! The date was AWFUL! definitely cringeworthy.

But it's sadly true we say we want different but we are quite comfortable with what we know and have liked in the past.

For me, I TRY to go outside the box, but then what I'm presented with outside the box I run from it and go back to what I know and love. ah, life :-)

Rum Punch said...

Well since I'm "addicted" to all things reality, I saw the Millionaire episode and what the guy should have said is that he wanted a woman in her 30s who was intelligent, liked yoga, etc., but who had a 20 year old's face and body. Because that's basically what it came down to at the end of it all-the physical. 20 year old was cuter, perkier (in all aspects) but she was dumb as some rocks-I mean the man was talking about how he fed the homeless during Thanksgiving and her response was that she gave up carbs-there's nowhere else to go from there, except maybe the bedroom. I think on some level, people in general are not just attracted to, but intrigued by the physical or that there is something about that person that they like, but they know that everything else is not clicking but at the same time there is some comfort in staying w/ that person. You may want one thing but you know that might mean that you have to challenge yourself to recognize the beatuy in people that goes beyond the physical and that ain't easy...so you just fall back on what you know...

Jarrod Halsey said...

Simple biology. Despite her intelligence (or lack there of) the younger, more attractive woman is seen as more fit to bare children. So his libido, which is tied directly to his evolutionary need to reproduce, made him choose her. Yes, the teacher is clearly more intelligent. But, one can argue that the younger woman is more fit to survive because she's made it on the show just like the teacher is, yet she has noticeably less intelligence. Unfortunately, Darwin does nothing to address our need to actually talk/socialize/enjoy the company of the person we will want to reproduce with.

Anonymous said...

All Im saying is why pay someone to go through all that work for you when you are still making dumb choices as to who you want to date?!?!?!?... I mean you can pick crappy dates and not take a professional's advice for free ya dig?..... People really need to grow the hell up! I mean physical attraction is a factor but unless the person looks like quasimodo or a female shabba ranks...then why not give them a chance?!?!?